The Stuffed Animal Saga: When A Preschooler Misses Their Best Friend
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A preschooler misses being in the same class as her best friend (credit: Gemini)
A mom is concerned that her preschooler misses her best friend and wonders how to handle the situation.
QUESTION
My 3-year-old daughter has been separated in preschool from her best friend. They are in different classrooms but are together at recess.
I support this because, despite becoming competitive, they still enjoy each other’s company and always have fun.
The problem is that my daughter is very sad, only talking about her time with that friend at recess. Lately, she’s been sneaking a mini stuffed animal from class into her backpack. She has the same one at home, but believes the two stuffed animals should be together.
I haven’t brought up the subject with my daughter yet, and I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with her attachment/sadness/reaction?
Signed, Concerned Mom
ANSWER
Dear Concerned Mom,
I’m sorry your daughter is struggling. You didn’t mention how much time has passed since the girls have been in different classes. I assume since it’s September, the time hasn’t been very long.
On the positive side, your daughter has shown that she’s able to form a meaningful friendship at her young age. Competition can be a positive aspect between friends as long as neither girl is routinely distressed.
As long as it isn’t one-sided, competition can push children to achieve at a higher level, while also showing your daughter that some people will always be better than her and worse than her in certain activities. Nobody is the best in the world, or the worst. Everybody has strengths and weaknesses. Some kids run faster than others, and some have more artistic talent. I wouldn’t necessarily suggest avoiding solid friendships with some competition.
The class separation is likely beneficial for your daughter’s emotional resiliency, as she still sees her friend at recess and presumably at playdates.
As for repeatedly taking the stuffed animal from the classroom, getting her a second identical one should resolve that issue. Normally, I wouldn’t suggest rewarding stealing, but at three years old, she’s trying to work out her sadness through play. She’s telling you and her teacher in behavior what she can’t verbalize: She wants her toy to have her buddy. If you’re averse to buying another toy, can she bring hers in her backpack? If the stealing continues after the toys are reunited, that would be a separate issue.
Hopefully, your daughter’s teacher is encouraging her to spend time with other girls in her class so that she’ll develop other friendships in addition to her best friend.
Good luck,
Amy Feld*
*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW, has trained and worked as a child psychologist.
Also on The Friendship Blog: Best Friends: Should Children in Preschool Be Separated From Their Friends?
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Category: Helping children deal with friendship problems, KEEPING FRIENDS
