Is all fair in friendship and employment?

Feeling
betrayed by a friend who goes after the same job as you

QUESTION

Hi Irene,

I told a friend of 32 years (a woman
who I am currently starting to date) about a job that I interviewed for and she
tells me that she wants to go for the job because it sounded like the job for
her. This, despite the fact that I haven’t been told I won’t be getting the
job. She says that they would have hired me by now if the job were mine. Maybe,
but should she even have gone after this job. I’m pissed that she did and feel
betrayed. What do you think?

Thanks!

Steve

ANSWER

Hi Steve,

If your friend only found out about the
job because of you, she took advantage of the friendship. She may be desperate
for work but competing against a friend, without consideration of your feelings
feels like a betrayal to me, too.

Perhaps she has rationalized that since
this is "the job for her" and not the job for you, it’s better that she apply
for it rather than the employer hire a stranger. But your friend hasn’t made
any attempt to apologize, or otherwise show any consideration for your feelings,
or concern about potential consequences for the friendship. She has ignored the
fact that you think you are still in the running and her actions suggest she is
more interested in the job than she is in you.

It is troubling that after 32 years,
you don’t have the type of friendship where you can openly discuss a situation
like this. She should have spoken to you to see if her applying was okay with you,
and you should have been able to let her know you were angry when she didn’t.

If you can’t negotiate this problem,
your dating future seems rocky. One further thought: What would happen if she
got the job? How would this impact your relationship?

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene

Prior posts on The Friendship Blog about work and friendship:

• Working
  with Friends: A double-edged sword
• Friendships:
  Making it work
• Achieving
  closure after being dumped by a friend at work
• When
  work and friendship are a volatile mix
• Undermined
  by a work colleague who was also a friend

Employment, job, betrayal, competition,
ethics, communication, work,

Tags: betrayal, communication, competition, dating, Employment, ethics, friend, friendship, friendship advice, friendship expert, job, work

Category: Uncategorized