Is all fair in friendship and employment?

Published: September 8, 2011 | Last Updated: September 8, 2011 By | 2 Replies Continue Reading

betrayed by a friend who goes after the same job as you



Hi Irene,

I told a friend of 32 years (a woman
who I am currently starting to date) about a job that I interviewed for and she
tells me that she wants to go for the job because it sounded like the job for
her. This, despite the fact that I haven’t been told I won’t be getting the
job. She says that they would have hired me by now if the job were mine. Maybe,
but should she even have gone after this job. I’m pissed that she did and feel
betrayed. What do you think?






Hi Steve,

If your friend only found out about the
job because of you, she took advantage of the friendship. She may be desperate
for work but competing against a friend, without consideration of your feelings
feels like a betrayal to me, too.


Perhaps she has rationalized that since
this is "the job for her" and not the job for you, it’s better that she apply
for it rather than the employer hire a stranger. But your friend hasn’t made
any attempt to apologize, or otherwise show any consideration for your feelings,
or concern about potential consequences for the friendship. She has ignored the
fact that you think you are still in the running and her actions suggest she is
more interested in the job than she is in you.


It is troubling that after 32 years,
you don’t have the type of friendship where you can openly discuss a situation
like this. She should have spoken to you to see if her applying was okay with you,
and you should have been able to let her know you were angry when she didn’t.


If you can’t negotiate this problem,
your dating future seems rocky. One further thought: What would happen if she
got the job? How would this impact your relationship?

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene


Prior posts on The Friendship Blog about work and friendship:





Employment, job, betrayal, competition,
ethics, communication, work,

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Category: Uncategorized

Comments (2)

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  1. Anonymous says:

    10 years ago a friend of mine and I both interviewed for the same job. But when he didn’t get it and I did, he told me that he had told them to just give the job to me. Lol! He was trying to save face and it just made him look even worse. Because I had “won” the position he decided to try and make me feel inadequate and also to make it look like he gave me the job. Lol.

    I wasn’t upset or worried that he would get the job instead of me. Now if the friend had been a close friend of mine, they wouldn’t have remained my close friend after that.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Are you sure you want to date someone who would go after a job, you applied for and you told her about? That is some serious low-balling. Sounds like she has some serious entitlement issues. Stop wasting your time with people like that. Life is too short to deal with that crap.

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