• Other Friendship Advice

A young woman feels left out of her group of friends

Published: January 13, 2015 | By | 5 Replies Continue Reading
When you feel left out of a group, making other friends can help you feel more confident.



I am part of a group of four friends (including me.) One of them is a really close friend who has been my friend for four years. Her friend suddenly became a part of our group and then a new girl recently joined too.

My very close friend has suddenly became really close with the other two and the three of them have started to make me feel like I’m left out. They have inside jokes and are always making plans. I still hang around with them but it feels like I am just following them around and I am not involved.

i want to hang out with them more but they all seem really hard to approach now, I don’t want to lose my really good friend because of the other two, What should I do??

Signed, Lee


Hi Lee,

Friendships certainly can be confusing at any age. Teenage friendships are particularly challenging for girls with changing bodies, minds, interests etc. What you’re experiencing is not uncommon but that doesn’t make your feelings easier or less confusing.

When close pals befriend others, feeling rejected and left out is a typical reaction. But no matter how perfect a friend you are, you can’t meet all of any person’s social needs.

I think you’ll have an easier time feeling secure with your best friend if you look for additional girls to add to your friendship roster. Having other friends makes life more interesting, too. In addition to best friends, there are different types of relationships: acquaintances, pals based on convenience like neighbors or study-buddies, shared-interest friends like sports teammates, and friends of friends.

The more diverse your relationships, the less dependent you’ll feel on one person or group. People are usually drawn to strong, independent folks and having friends to fulfill different roles makes you stronger and more confident.

Often when we hold on too tightly to someone, we inadvertently push them away. I bet when your best friend sees that she’s not your only option, she’ll appreciate you even more.

Good luck!

Signed, *Amy Feld

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

Tags: , , , ,

Category: Teen friendships

Comments (5)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. N.N. says:

    Sad there’s fake friends, who’s don’t care about this young woman.

  2. LaTrice says:

    I can definitely relate to this negative experience, and honestly, it doesn’t feel good to be excluded-whatever the reasons are. You’re determined to be part of a crowd-especially a group of friends that have something in common with you.

    When I was in high school, my ex-best friend, and her group of friends excluded me. Just because I didn’t wear my hair in a certain way, I didn’t have a closet full of clothes and shoes, and I didn’t participate in after school activities, that didn’t give my ex-best friend the right to judge me so harshly. I felt that I was an embarrassment to her, and in my opinion, it was based on looks. To this day, I’ll NEVER know why we became best friends. Sadly, I couldn’t maintain a friendship with her-due to her screwed up attitude.

    It took me a VERY long time for me to work on my self-esteem. I realized throughout the years that I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I have NO REASON to be ashamed of myself. I made some really good friends through the years, and they are difficult to find. I have a best friend who loves me and accepts me for who I am, and honestly, it’s an awesome feeling.

    Get to know the girls in your class, Lee. There’s nothing wrong with making new friends.

    Most importantly, be yourself. 🙂

  3. Sarah says:

    Well so me and my best friend who I have known seance she moved into my naighboorhood has become friends with another girl wich I’m ok with but try always hang out and they do so much together. And when I try to tell them that u fell left out they don’t understand why and when I try to explain they don’t get how they are doing it.and to add on the other girl she doesn’t really like me I think I mean she always ask my best friend to hang out and never me then when we do hang out it always has to be me her and my beast friend and never just me and her. And my best friend always side with her like say we don’t do that or saying some other things like that. So what souls I do because I still want to be friends but it doesn’t seam like they want to be friends.

  4. valerie says:

    I feel the same way as the last two coments. It hurts to be left out. I am alittle older and I have a few good friends. But my best friend moved on with her life and she has lots of friends. She is pretty sweet and everyone loves her. I am disabled and heavy kinda plain looking. But I am outgoing and try to reach out to lots of others. I feel like alot of people who I meet just want to use my husband, and I to watch there kids or dogs! Somehow I always get the short end of the stick. Could I use your car i’ll
    bring it right back three weeks later your lucky if you don’t have to call and askthem to bring it home. Its on and on like that. I love having good friends like I first spoke of but I simply think. I am no good at it and frankly I am lonesome for a good gal pal to go to shopping or just talk to.
    should I just give up?

  5. Anetta says:

    I feel left out of groups like this because I’m disabled and don’t have money like everyone else or have a male companion

Leave a Reply