A young teen worries about her best friend
Their parents’ marriage change their best friend relationship
QUESTION
Hi,
I am 13 years old and I have known my best friend since we were seven. We were so close. Honestly, she was my other half. We were too close. Our parents started dating and married a year ago, this majorly messed with both of us, but it took a toll on her worse.
We moved in together, which might be like everyone’s dream, but this was her breaking point. She is completely closed off to me and everyone else, one minute she is almost herself and the next she snaps back to her stone figure. It hurts so much seeing her slowly closing in on herself, I just can’t seem to get to her, I have tried and tried. She has never been the one to talk emotionally; she always shuts it off.
My other best friend and I notice and feel her slipping through our fingers. The stress of high school isn’t helping any of us. I’m crying while I write this, we honestly need help. I don’t want to lose my best friend, I just can’t! I miss her so much, all I see is a fake smile, I notice. I am starting to give up.
Please help me find my other half again. I’m begging you.
Signed, Dara
ANSWER
Hi Dara,
You and your best friend/step sister (I’ll call her Ann for this post) have certainly been through a lot of stress over the past year, something most friends never have to deal with. I’m glad you wrote for support. She’s very lucky to have you in her life and in her family, even if she’s not able to show you right now.
Ann may be having more difficulty than you with your parents’ remarriage, and that is not a reflection of how much she loves and cares about you. Even though you and Ann have gone through the same experience, her reaction may have been different than yours and she might feel that nobody understands how she feels. Sometimes even best friends need some space from each other to deal with their problems; Ann may feel better talking to someone else who isn’t directly involved in the situation.
It sounds to me like Ann may be suffering from depression. One of the symptoms of depression is isolation or withdrawal from friends. You can try talking to Ann and ask her if she’s feeling depressed, and urge her to talk to your parents. If you’re not able to talk to Ann, please talk to your parents about your concerns.
Depression is a medical illness that can be caused by stressful situations as well as a person’s own biological make up. Many teens and adults suffer from depression at some time in their lives and if this is the case, it’s not something you can solve for her, or that she can solve on her own.
As I said before, even though she can’t show you right now, she’s very lucky to have you. I feel quite optimistic that this will improve with the right help. Let us know how things work out for you.
You may find it helpful to read this guide about teen depression and/or share it with your stepsister.
Signed, *Amy Feld
*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.
Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.
Category: Dealing with friends with health and/or emotional problems, KEEPING FRIENDS
Hi Dara:
I never have lived this situation but, know how to act.
The first, You should talk to your best friend, for know that could happen to your other half, as you say. Then if you see the situation remains th same, you should talk directly with your half, do you not think?
The important thing is to fix, either way.
Perhaps this estranged for some great cause, and will also affect the time of the studies but, as you do not know, you should ask.
Cry no more. Smile, at the end all be solved.
Att: AinaErreapé