• Other Friendship Advice

Worried about making friends in high school?

Published: September 2, 2014 | By | 1 Reply Continue Reading
A young woman worries about making friends in high school and seeks advice.



I am about to go into my 4th year in high school (I live in England) and I have recently lost a lot of friends. I am being completely honest when I say I don’t know how.

In my first year of high school I didn’t have a lot of friends, however, when it came to my second I branched out and made loads. When it came to my third year, that’s when things started to change.

I lost a few friendships but mainly because of the girls didn’t like me because occasionally a boy they liked would want to hang out with me. I fell out with boys because they used me. Then, once they were bored they would toss me aside.

I have to believe it’s my personality that drives people away because I don’t know what else it could be? I am never mean to people unless they have upset me first and even then I tend to avoid arguments, I don’t back stab or spread rumors about anyone.

I have lost all my friends and I’m feeling more alone than ever. My parents are getting divorced, my only sister hates me and outside of school I know nobody. I just don’t want to be alone anymore. It has got to the stage where I am wondering if there is any point of me being here.

What do I do?

Signed, Beatrice


Hi Beatrice,

Teenage friendships can be rocky and confusing. Since you branched out in your second year of high school and made loads of friends, I’ll bet that you have a personality that drives people to and not away from you. I know it’s sometimes hard to see your positive qualities when you’re sad or hurting but people don’t go from having a great personality to a terrible one in a year.

Sometimes girls let guys come between their friendships even without realizing they are doing so. Some girls get boyfriends, drop their girl friends until they break up, and damage friendships in the process. Other times, girls like the same person and compete over that potential love interest. I’m not necessarily suggesting that these issues have to do with you and your friends, just describing some common experiences of girls your age.

You might feel like you’re the only girl in your school struggling with friends, but in every high school in the world there are girls who feel exactly like you do.

I have some suggestions for you:

1. Think about what you did when you branched out and made friends and try some of those same methods.

2. Say hello to people you haven’t talked to before. Don’t worry about who’s popular or who’s not. Look for good people. Most young adults I know say they’d rather have one or two solid, close friends than a larger group of superficial friends.

3. Smile and make eye contact. Smiles say that you’re friendly and approachable. Even if you have to remind yourself walking down the school halls, try to make eye contact even if you feel nervous. If an old friend ignores you or looks away, you still come out in top by being friendly and gracious.

4. Act as if_______.  As if you’re confident. As if you have too many friends to count. As if you know people will want to befriend you. There’s a saying that goes: Fake it until you make it. I know this is hard, especially if you’ve been burned. Think about what draws you to potential friends and try to adopt some of those qualities.

5. Be friendly to new students. They don’t have friends yet and might appreciate your kindness.

A new school year is an opportunity to start fresh. Hold your head high on your first day of school while remembering that a lot of your classmates are feeling the same way, even if you can’t see it on their faces or in their body language.

Signed, *Amy Feld

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

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Category: Child and adolescent friendships, OTHER ADVICE

Comments (1)

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  1. bronwyn says:

    These are good suggestions Amy has offered, plus you are going through an enormously difficult time at home, so things might seem that much worse.

    Unfortunately, girls (and even later in life, women, as well) do have a tendency to drop everything else when a guy comes into the picture. It’s especially difficult that you’re experiencing this draught of friends at a time when girls are prone to this sort of behavior.

    Smiling is always a good idea and people notice when you’re friendly to everyone. Your friendliness to others may actually draw more people to you.

    Where you’re headed to your senior year, be thinking ahead –if you’re planning on college, keep your eyes open for groups that may be geared toward preparing for freshman year. This might be an opportunity for connecting with people now. It also may be the opportunity for a fresh start.

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