In the Media – When you think your friend is marrying the wrong guy (Brides)
Screenshot (Brides)
Sometimes, it seems like a friend is involved with the wrong guy. Perhaps, it’s something about him you just don’t like or trust. Or you think she deserves better than she’s getting.
You may wonder whether or not you should say anything—and if so, what you can possibly say when your bestie seems swept off her feet. The risks are even greater when you have that nagging feeling she’s marrying the wrong guy.
On Brides.com, journalist Jillian Kramer tackled this thorny question. She writes:
It’s one thing to dislike the guy your BFF brings home for the holidays — but it’s another thing entirely to stand idly by when she says “I do” to the wrong dude. So if you have a serious fire burning inside you for your friend’s beau, should you ever say anything?
Kramer interviewed some friendship experts including Dr. Levine and writes:
Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., psychologist and creator of The Friendship Blog, says that in an ideal scenario, “you’ll express any misgivings long before the wedding day.”
Ask your friend for an hour of her time, during which you can “be specific about your concerns rather than using a broad brush to smear the guy or saying you don’t like him without an explanation,” Levine advises.
Click here to read the Brides article in its entirety.
Category: IN THE MEDIA, RESOLVING PROBLEMS
This is a stickt situation. I think it is a bad idea to give your friend advice on HER relationship. If she is going to marry her fiance, she knows exactly what he is like and it is her decision. I would never put my nose in her business. I would congratulate her, and tell her I am happy for her and that I will always be there for whatever she needs. Leaves the door open yet allows her to make up her own mind. After all, she is an adult. You could be blamed for the advice you give so it is better to just let her know you are always there for her, wish her all the best. You stay safe and retain your friendship.
sticky I meant.
Very tough. Giving specific examples is good advice. Talk to your friend in a compassionate, nonjudgmental way, so she doesn’t feel like she has to defend him to you, or make excuses for his behavior. She may anyway, but don’t give her undue reason to feel like it’s Us against You.
“When Joe used the word slut to describe a teenage girl, I felt angry. I’m concerned about his views on women and how that affects the way he thinks about and treats you. I should have said something to him, but I was so stunned I didn’t think fast enough. I love you and want you to be happy, I think you deserve to be with someone who respects women and you.”
What a tough issue! I do think it’s best to express concerns long before the wedding, as Irene says. I have a friend who married (2nd time around) a guy that few of us liked, mostly for personality reasons. He’s a stingy guy, and self-centered, but he’s a loyal husband and my friend doesn’t expect much more from him. My husband and I don’t enjoy his company all that much, so I try to spend “girl time” with my friend vs “couple time.”