When Family or Close Friends Miss A Milestone Celebration

By Alina Tugend

December 2, 2011

For our first bar mitzvah, I was so entranced to see my older son in a
beautifully tailored suit that we bought one, I’m embarrassed to say,
for several hundred dollars. He wore it twice before outgrowing it. At
least his younger brother used it through much of his bar mitzvah
season.

This time, we found a three-piece suit for under $100 for the guest of
honor. After all, it really only had to last the day.

I also learned some life lessons this time around. At major events, we
want our close friends and family to be there, but sometimes they can’t
make it for any number of reasons. And that can put a real strain on
relationships.

"It feels like a rejection – it feels like being dumped ," said Irene S.
Levine, a professor of psychiatry at New York University School of
Medicine. And "when it’s an event like a bar mitzvah, it’s not just
about you but about your child."

In fact, said Dr. Levine, who wrote the book "Best Friends Forever:
Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend" (Overlook Press, 2009),
failing to show up at a major event is one of the most common reasons
friendships break down.

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