• Other Friendship Advice

In the Media – When a friendship isn’t worth your time (Bustle)

Published: June 4, 2016 | Last Updated: June 4, 2016 By | 4 Replies Continue Reading
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Bustle (screenshot)

Check out some of the signs that suggest a friendship is no longer worth keeping on Bustle.

June 3, 2016

Writing on Bustle, writer Toria Sheffield explores the different reasons why friendships sometimes reach their expiration dates and how you can tell when this happens.

She writes:

Friendships, just like all relationships in life, can have major ups and downs. And while not necessarily a bad thing (we’re all only human after all), it’s important to be able to recognize (and end) a toxic friendship when needed. Otherwise we can repeat the same unhealthy cycles for years.

In a piece for Prevention, Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert who runs The Friendship Blog, said, “It’s almost like a marriage sometimes. You get so used to being with someone that you just accept them with their frailties or limitations.” Levine went on to note, “You should clean out your friendships like you clean out your closet—you can’t just keep collecting things without going through it.”

In 9 Ways to Know a Friendship Isn’t Worth Your Time, Sheffield goes on to describe signs that suggest a friendship has run its course. You can read the article in its entirety by clicking here.

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  1. Moving on says:

    Perfect timing! I am still feeling bad about ending a long term friendship with my “best friend” but slowly moving on…
    Losing her family and extended family members hurts more than losing her…
    My former friend who I reconnected with 8 yrs ago (we were friends in high school, 30 yrs ago) I also realized is a wolf in sheep’s clothing… a control freak bully who talks about everyone and is so judgemental your head would spin!
    After working with my therapist who has been my cheerleader I decided this woman is so toxic I don’t want her in my life anymore.
    When I called her out on her behavior she turned the tables on me,(Because you know a narcissist does no wrong!) throwing in my face things she has done for me… Well, you know what honey, I don’t care about the things you did, how about owning up to your wicked ways and being humble? Nah….
    She is not liked my many, only those she can control!
    Her own kids say she is mean, her husband says she is nuts!
    I am a fun, outgoing, bubbly personality, who gets along with most people- I don’t think she was able to handle my shine!
    Friends are supposed to lift you up, not tear you down!
    Your loss Cruella!

  2. Tanja says:

    Right now, I am re evaluating a friendship. I used to think when I met her 4 yrs ago that she was the best. Now, I am not so sure. I feel that she is a wolf in sheeps clothing. The thing that ran out for me, while I do not feel most of those items on the list. The main thing was that I do not trust her. I do not know why, except a few circumstances such as I asked for a number to our kids karate instructor so I could tell him that they were sick and could not come and she gave me a number and it was the wrong number. I had to ask another friend mom that also has her kids with him and she gave me the right number. But this is not the first time it happened. I asked her once for her friends number who is a piano teacher and I would like to start my child in piano lessons. Well, she gave me a number, but again it was the wrong number.

    Then she invited me to go to toastmasters, I went with her and she usually picked me up as I am on the way and not out of the way at all. Well, she once left without me and did not pick me up and so I took my own car and saw her there. I just thought it would be easier to go together. Well, she does not offer things unless I ask. Meanwhile, when she was going to school, I offered to help her by babysitting her kids twice a week without pay and all she had to do was bring some food in case they don’t like what I make. Also, since one cannot have wheat and I am a wheat household. But, she also lives on a huge piece of land, came from a wealthy family has more than anyone I have ever known and yet, she does not give as much either and she is one of the cheapest people I have ever met. But, in all fairness she is really cheap with herself as well. I mean if I were here, I would go to the spa, buy some better clothes and get my hair done, which I have suggested to her, but she will not. She shops at good will stores. Which I do as well, I love value village and good will but once in a while go crazy. So, I love that she is down to earth, but to the point where it is hard to be friends. She will not even go bowling unless you have a coupon. Not to mention, we once invited her to a farm, around thanksgiving and halloween. I thought the kids would have fun on a wagon ride, choosing a pumpkin, candy shop, haunted house etc. The charge to get in was $4.00/person and for kids under 4 it was 3.00 per person. Anyway, we said we would meet them inside. Well she went through the gift shop so she did not have to pay. When I saw her I told her you have to pay at the entrance, you can’t sneak in the exit door at the gift shop and come that way. Well, she claimed she did not know, but she still did not go back to pay. That pissed me off. Yet, she is a small build woman, very friendly face in her 40’s . But, I have come to feel that she is a wolf in sheeps clothing. I just do not trust her anymore…..yet, she has many friends, a lot more than I do, tons, she does invite people over. There is a cultural difference with us. She is not liberal but if we were in the states, she would be republican, which I just found out after years of knowing her which pissed me off. So, I do not feel she is forth coming at all about who she is or anything………….what can you do………I am going to just leave it…….

  3. Sandra says:

    Great article, Dr. Irene — and I agree with Amy’s comment. Life is short, and friendship should be a source of support and enjoyment as we go along. I used to feel guilty for “outgrowing” or wanting out of unhealthy friendships, but now I understand that hanging on isn’t fair to anyone. I also liked your comments in another article about having “small dose” friends — friends you can take in small doses — and I found that helps, too. Thank you!

  4. Amy F says:

    A friend/acquaintance taught me, through her own negative comments, if I can’t be happy for a friend’s success, I don’t need to be in that relationship. She was always so negative and angry about others doing well, I often wondered why she considered them friends, I pulled way back, because I didn’t want to pick up on her negativity. I’m no Pollyanna, if I find myself unable to celebrate the joys of a particular friend and I can’t resolve those feelings through careful introspection, it’s a sign for me to devote less, if any, energy to the relationship. This friend I are still cordial and I still like her in very small doses.

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