• Other Friendship Advice

Unhappily married…and more at home with my husband

Published: May 30, 2012 | Last Updated: June 7, 2014 By | Reply Continue Reading


Hello Irene,

I need help clarifying why I’m in such a depressed state but only when I’m home with my husband. We’ve been married 27 years with two children, both of whom have just recently moved out. We haven’t slept together or had relations in almost four years, nor do I have any desire to with him.

Three years ago, I started a friendship with someone I’ve known for decades and have no problem having relations with him besides being wildly attracted to him. I’m almost 60 and the house my family helped us get into that we have owned for the last 15 years is being lost to foreclosure. I’ve been on disability for the last twelve years and have dedicated myself to raising my daughter and son. But they’re 22 and 32 now and I feel lost completely. I don’t know what to do with myself besides having an affair and still trying to stay in my marriage strictly for financial reasons.  My husband tried to commit suicide on the day

I put my daughter on the airplane to go to Europe which is where she is right now finishing up her college degree. I just moved my son to California, where my three grandchildren are and I was there for a week loving it. I come home and can’t make myself do anything. I have little in common with my husband and I’ve been a faithful wife until the last three years.

The man I’m involved with seems content with our arrangement and has no desire for a commitment. I’m supposed to go to Spain next month to meet my daughter for a month of traveling with her and can’t even bring myself to “make arrangements” other than the ticket. I’m listless, I’ve isolated myself, have little to no self esteem even after being told by many that I’m still beautiful and intelligent. I don’t believe I love my husband anymore but can’t bring myself to end it. I’m afraid of ending up being a bag lady with no one and no place to go which is pretty much where I’m at now…no place to go.

I just can’t seem to get a grip of myself and need help understanding all the confusion and conflict. Any advise you might offer would be greatly appreciated, as I just don’t know where to start. My disabilities are bipolar and disc degeneration disease and now I’m not taking anything for being bipolar as I’ve tried everything and nothing has ever helped.

Sincerely, Linda


Hi Linda,

My heart goes out to you. You need help figuring out how to move forward in your life but this is definitely not the right forum for that purpose. You have an untreated mental illness, have financial problems, are living with someone who is depressed, have isolated yourself, and are unhappy in your marriage. Any one of these factors alone could set the stage for depression!

I urge you to speak to a mental health professional to help you work through this complex set of problems. Are you eligible for Medicaid because of your disability? If you’re unable to afford to see someone privately, you may be able to see someone through the public mental health authority in your city or county.

Hope this helps…wish I could offer more.

Warm regards, Irene

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