Unable to make friends: I feel like a failure waiting to die
A 61-year-old woman has no friends and feels like a total failure
QUESTION
Hi Irene,
I’m about to turn 61. I feel like 80, I feel like I’m just waiting to die. I grew up with undiagnosed learning disabilities that caused me to fail in school and later, at work, and to be “weird” enough to have no friends, growing up and few in adulthood.
No serious romantic relationship either, last date was 30 years ago, before I put on 100 extra pounds. My learning disabilities didn’t get diagnosed until my early 40s. By then, I was unemployable and on medication for chronic depression.
Still, by some miracle, I had a few friends who didn’t mind that I was “weird,” never married, no children, and such a failure at the most menial jobs that I wound up on what many people consider a kind of welfare.
But as each of my parents became frail and needed my help as a caretaker, the last few friends drifted away. Or I drifted away, or both. Now it’s just me and my 13-year-old cat. My disability checks are so small that a generous family member helps me financially, just as my parents did, all my adult life, while they were living. Another lifelong source of shame is that I couldn’t support myself. I don’t feel good enough to be anybody’s friend.
I come from a family of clutterers and after my last parent died (we lived in the same house), I gave up and the clutter got so completely out of control there’s no room to have anybody over.
I’ve never had a lot of energy, but now, if it weren’t for the cat’s needs, I have a hard time finding a reason to get out of bed. I never personally knew anybody with my worst learning disability, dyscalculia, the one that really derailed my employability, and my state’s Voc Rehab was no help with that disability.
I’ve always felt so unworthy compared to other people. My “social contacts” are the local stores I regularly go to, where they recognize me and we make small talk but we’re not “friends,” and I couldn’t bear for them to know what a failure I really am.
I’m likely to be one of those people who’s found alone, long after they’ve died. I don’t see any other way, for a lifelong freak.
Signed, Marla
ANSWER
Hi Marla,
The way you expressed yourself in writing suggests you have more strengths than you give yourself credit for. You should feel good about taking care of your parents and your cat. Moreover, summoning up the energy and courage to write suggests you have enough spark left to want to change your situation.
It sounds like your life has spiraled downward since your parents passed away leaving you with a house full of clutter while you were mourning their loss.
Under the best of circumstances, it’s hard to connect with other people when you feel different and characterize yourself as a failure. Sometimes depressed mood and losses compound each either making it hard for someone to dig him/herself out of a “hole” without professional help.
Given the situation you describe, I would urge you to reach out for such help. Discuss your problems with your physician who may be able to help you get on a healthier regimen to lose some of the weight that’s troubling you and depleting your energy. Ask the doctor to recommend a mental health counselor who can assess whether your depression is being adequately treated and help you build upon your strengths. If you are on disability, you should have access to healthcare.
Your ability to make small talk with local shopkeepers suggests that you have social skills that are probably untapped. There may be some religious or community organizations in your neighborhood where you can dip your toes in the water and begin speaking to other people. Could you volunteer at an animal shelter? Become a pet-sitter to earn some extra money?
Not knowing you or your community, it’s hard for me to make specific suggestions but I think you definitely need to reach out for help. I’m glad that you took this first step.
Warm regards, Irene
Category: Friendship and aging, HAVING NO FRIENDS, Making friends at 60
Hi Marla,
My soul is sad as well.
What I’m trying to do is overcome a lifetime of unhappiness with fresh thinking. I figure if I can alter my thoughts (especially shame, guilt, fear) and embrace a new truth of myself then I have a shot. But mostly it fails. Everywhere I turn there is evidence of my failed existence.
More so now. At age 57 I’m going through and cleaning an old dilapidated house that must be sold and looking at campgrounds for my future residence. I just want to vomit on a good day and die on the worst. All the evidence of poor thinking is right before my eyes and needing immediate attention — and there is little energy in the tank.
That being said, I’m very aware that my thoughts created this so-called mess. So I’m on a mission to find and hold better thoughts. I think it all starts with forgiveness. That’s my theory anyway.
Hope your Life has improved since your post.
All the best.
John
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Is life over? I’m 59 have no income due to disabilitie’s due to a car running over me..have no friends..family doesn’t want me..does this mean my life is ending? So sad I cannot figure out why life was so cruel
Marla,
I’m so moved by your story…I can see myself in every word. I’ve pretty much given up on life. Although I’m sorry to read about your pain, it comforts me to know that I’m not alone.
I don’t know where you live but I would love to have you as my friend. Even online. I have never felt so alone and so overwhelmed as I am right now. I was beginning to think of myself as an anomaly for being in such rough shape in every way at the age of 57. I can see I’ve found the right blog for myself.
I hope you feel better soon…
Nancy
I feel the same way. No friends. Little contact with family.
Would like to hear from both of you and anyone else in the same boat.
Thank you.
Yep, you wonder why people in your life turned out to be so disappointing, (or you did). Either way, it’s no picnic. I have a 98 year old Dad in a nursing home and I sure as hell don’t want to end up like that. Did everything everyone expected of me my whole life…more than enough. Did the whole volunteer thing forever, marriages, children, caring for parents. I’m just plain tired of giving. Sounds selfish, I know, but, it’s true. Got therapy, spiritual counseling, etc. and even those folks are gone now, through death or moved on (in case of trusted therapists). Have friends and that’s great, but they all have some man in their life, and I really don’t want to go down that road again. Financially, I will outlive my savings and, there again, is no picnic…worrying everyday about that. Sick of people telling me to join clubs,etc., I’ve done that. My faith is the only thing keeping me going, and for now, I guess that’s enough.
I’ll be your friend. I have no friends after being on relationships for the last 15 years I have no friends. So would really like to to correspond with you all.
I found this just by doing search about how hard it is to have friends at 61 I try to get other women my age to meet for lunch but they come up with excuses so I just stop asking My feelings get hurt and I just get tried so I stay home with my dogs where I feel needed. I read your letter Marla and I know you took my life and explain it the way I am but didn’t know how. Thank you
I’ll be your friend, I work two jobs one full time and one part time financially I have to, it scares me to think my health might fail and I can’t work both jobs, 64 years old, three of my sisters died of cancer. I stay very active, exercise every day. Ill always respond
I lost my wife 4 months ago I feel so lost, she was the only freind I had, I just don’t know what I’m going to do. feeling like I’m waiting to die.
Grief counseling, especially support groups can be especially helpful and it’s often free. You’ll meet others experiencing the same feelings as you’re having, find support and maybe make some new friends who understand where you are in life.
I am 55. I look good but have no family or friends. My friends all retired or had kids, no time for me now. Im a smart, docial gregarious person and tried very hard for two years to try to make friends or hobbies…dati g to me is a no go and yes, theres nothing to look forward to and i i died or was injured in my house, no one would find me for a very long time. Al! The people i knew and things i did are gone..in the mid fifties for pity sake. Yep. Just waiting around to die to because lifr holds zero for the older single female.
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Wow how did we end up in this situation? I feel what you are saying. I’m 53 and divorced over a decade. Workaholic to support me and my daughter and gave up living in the process. 2 adult children who are pretty distant emotionally and I can’t change that. Left a small town after many years to look for a new life and now am worse off than ever. Before I at least had 2 or 3 ladies who would hang out when their husbands/boyfriends were busy. Tired of feeling the charity case and now feel completely pathetic. In debt now cause of the move and feeling so very empty. Just wishing it would be over. Tried so hard to be positive and now see my life as a joke and don’t know how I ended up this way. Any ideas out there on how to turn things around this late in the game?
I stumbled on to this site and began reading the stories when I came across yours I was moved because I believed I was the only one, you took the words out of my thoughts. I’m only wanting friendship or just someone to talk to I’d love to be supportive friend to anyone who is feeling down
Just happened on this site as well. Not sure that my situations are the same as everyone else who has posted, but some sure do seem to be similar. It’s hard to live alone knowing that someone else has experienced the same.
Hello Chanda, i to have about the same out look ,i guess it started when we were young and had the world at our feet ,the time went by so fast ,i think of all the invitations i turned down in the past , for one reason or another , untill i wasent invited anymore , now in my 50s i look around and find my self alone my best friends have all died or gone away mentally ,so here i am looking in to a future of emptyness i dont want that to be my end not that any one would know or care find, my skelleton holding a book about how to make friends and not become a skeleton holding a book about how to make friends..sorry i got a strange scence of humor, even know your alone your not alone, there is one other here in the sea of the friendless……i listern to old punk rock and dont belive in the government, the injustice system ,lawers, politicans, the police the clan or the mafila , there all the same .thats the truth,i have no reason left to lie ..peace if possible…
What can I say ? I almost lost all my friends. I can’t even talk more iam so sorry.
Yes, I am in this group too. I’ve always been kind of quirky & kind of “weird” but I was able to hold my own fairly well as my friends were the mothers of neighborhood kids. Well, I’m 62 and not in that neighborhood anymore… I’m not even in that state anymore. I have many health problems that are disabling me. I feel sick and old and getting out of bed is a challenge. Let’s all pray for each other. In my “old life,” I remember beleving that with God all things are possible.
I feel ur pain ..I am a 52 year married women who is going through the same thing ..I have had so many bad paths in my life ..I beat cancer 5 years ago ,that was so hard, then later on 5 years ago i got married but it really is hard .I don’t have no friends and my husband don’t either ..We both get disability and we do nothing ..I feel God didn’t keep me around for this ..I want to help change the world ,i want to help and love people ..I have 4 kids but there all grown so I barely see them …I need help being in some kind of group.I love sewing arts and crafts..I don’t like having no one every to talk to ..I feel so alone ..I love helping people ..I hate where I live and I don’t like what I am going through but I truly love GOD …I am praying for some great friends ..I have family but there kind of spread out .I have a sister but she is so negative to me,we have never bonded that well ..She acts like a big shot and thinks she better than others ..I don’t like to be around people who make others feel bad ..I am so lonely ..I been trying to find a group .I use to go to the cancer club but its so far away it makes it hard to go ..I live in area that has nothing ..I feel like my life is just passing me by .
I am 52, out of work, divorced twice. I am existing not living. I am not in bad shape, I am often mistaken for being in my 30’s. I do have a female friend who is younger, we are good friends and I am her guide, mentor and protector. Recently she has decided, with my help; that her life needs to change now. I agreed, but now her strength has grown to the point that she is starting to be bothered by having me as a friend. I don’t own a home, just got laid off of my job. I have an education and work in the food industry as either a quality supervisor or manager. I can make good money if I leave the state, which I may have to do. The point is, while we will always be friends it is apparent that I have taught her to be the strong and independent young woman that she needs to be and now I feel I am being left behind. I remember being there when she felt like hurting herself. I love her as a good and close friend, we have helped each other out when the other needed to be uplifted. Now that I am in a stupor, it seems I am no longer a benefit. She keeps saying I am not a good example of the type of friend she needs right now. That sounds selfish to me, but I could be wrong. FYI- she is my only friend, the only person I trust.
Charles I’m sorry you’re going through that but I can relate. It’s difficult when people turn their backs on you after you’ve given everything within you to help keep them strong and continuing on in life. All I can say is I know it really sucks.
hi. i feel very much the same after going through health issues. would love to be in touch
Omg you story sound exactly like mine. Helped my friend so many times and now she can’t be bothered with me anymore 🙁
About everybody I know through my life I’ve been used and problem is I will keep letting them do it cause I can’t be that other person that might feel alone like I do
I am disabled too, intellectually so i and have thyroid deficency and i am not very social. Most days I see nobody but my brother whom i live with, our dad died last year, lived at home as teen and adult, now we both share this house.. He has frinds over, a good friend of mime lives up the coast , another died in a crash last march ,2015.. I live on a dsp.. Not very wocial apart from a few people i meet or know.. Try to get out as nuch as i can but i mainly just go to movies and to a football club or pub, Shopping
For grocerys.
Never had anyone: in a relationship , or intmacy either.
Have you tried volunteering as a way to meet people? Animal shelters, churches, hospitals and social service organizations are always looking for people to help out.
Also, have you checked with local agencies for the intellectually disabled? They often have social activities.
some of the only friends I have is when I go into the bus and see people., I wave my hand to them and they wave their hand to me, I don’t even know their names and I feel happy just to see them.
What about Facebook? A great way to get to know people is through the games…you end chatting in the games or sending msgs back and forth…before you know it your added to their friend list and slowly but surely you get to know some people really well 🙂
I tried volunteering, with my local theatre. They didn’t know if I was a man or a woman (I’m a woman born and raised) when I signed up because Danny is a boys name, and everything was through email.
Apparently they still couldn’t tell when they met me, and so they asked me. I was so embarrassed I cried on my drive home, and lied and said I was moving away and never went back. Not even to get my membership dues back.
These are the things that happen to me when I try to be social.
That’s horrible I’m so sorry you had to go through that
I wish I can join this group .I feel so lonely . My husband passed away since I was so young . I had 3 children I refused to merry again I worked hard to raise them but I have 2 sre always busy one lives in another state and the youngestimate is too busy but the one between treating me so badly he doesn’t care I belive he wants or wishes me die so he can take everything. They were living in very high standard .and suddenly I lost my parent my only sister and brother . I used to write stories which were published also I was like doing painting beside my job but suddenly I found my self can’t do anything for some reason And I don’t why loosing my friends which I found after that that were using me I was taking credit of self but what was going in my life heard me so much . I feel that I became to forget how to speak. I need fiend help Iam almost 60. I feel that this the end.
When I read your email my heart went out. Everyone needs and deserves a friend, and I’m so sorry for the lonilness you are feeling. I’ve had times in my own life when I felt as if there was no one to turn turn to but family and was fortunate my older sister did what she could. That was many, many years ago. I’m a very old woman now, and by Gods grace still going strong.
Pray every night for God to point you in the direction you need to go, and most importantly, listen to his answer.
I will hold you in my heart and call,you friend.
Love,
Fern
Fern, I am in a similar situation at this time and struggling with the realities of not having any friends. I have a sister in-law and we have just recently started spending time together…shopping and going out for something to eat and are planning a trip to the library as we both enjoy reading. My partner passed away in 2013 unexpectedly and in losing her, I lost all sense of friendships. Until recently I was still working but was in a car accident , with some pretty severe injuries and I am continuing to get recovered but I don think I will be going back to work, retiring on my social security and pension. As my friendships were always associated with my work setting over the many years I did work, I am not real certain now how to make new friends. I have started going to church but am uneasy as to how I will fit in there as well. I am 65, still have many interests in life such as camping, events, concerts and it feels difficult to do these things on my own, An example of my situation is that I recently bought two tickets to the Mary Chapin Carpenter Concert in October and so far, 3 people have turned me down because they had things going on. I don’t know what to do – drive 3 hrs to the concert and go by myself or try to keep on finding someone who might be interested in this performer to go with me, It really gets disheartening and makes you start questioning yourself. I am just looking for friendship…..not an intimate kind of involvement…..just good friendship. As you suggested, I will pray specifically in asking God to point the direction I need to go, asking for his guidance in putting people in my life who are also wanting friendships and perceive me as such a friend. I will keep you in my heart as well and will call you friend and will hope you will do the same for me.
Love,
Anne
Hey, my name is Angel and I’ll be completely honest. I’m a junior in highschool and my only friends are seniors. I don’t really hangout with them outside of school besides if somebody has a party or a kickback we all get together and hang. Their all smart and going to colleges. But, when they leave next year, I’m afraid I won’t have anybody to be with. They say senior year is your year to do what you want, smoke weed, drink etc… I don’t really do that type of stuff. I play guitar and love rock n roll. My favorite band is Led Zeppelin and other classic musical acts. That’s why I feel as if I’m different from other people. They listen to rap/hip-hop music and I’m not really into that. My senior friends are leaving and I haven’t found any replacements or “new” friends to hangout with. I did have junior friends once before but, they always ignored me back in freshman year. That’s when I met queen bee of my new senior friends back in freshman year she was a sophomore. She invited me to her table where I currently hangout with everybody. I got to meet a lot of her friends and soon they became close friends to me as well. As soon time went on some left or went to home-school and we never talked again. Some new friends came and the group got bigger over time. Now it’s 10 people including me. Over the months with them I was very quiet but, I did talk sometimes. We’re like a big family. Although sometimes they would talk about some girly things and I felt like that’s girl stuff so I talk to the guys in the group and talked about music. It’s prom season now, and they all suggested that I go prom, so my friend is taking me as her guest but, now I feel as if they don’t want me there. I don’t know why I feel like this, I always get this feeling of loneliness. I’ve always wanted to conform to society and be somebody “fun”. I have a phone with 4G and unlimited everything but, yet I don’t have nobody to text to. I really hate social media because you have to be in it to get it. If not then you’re just you. Now that’s it’s the last month of school I’m scared that I will be lonely again. That feeling of loneliness and walking around alone looking stupid when it’s your senior year. Can you imagine that? I just really want a friend or friends to actually connect with them and have something common with. I don’t know what will happen. Although I really want to find out. I just want to be heard. And somebody to talk to.
One of the few things I did “perfect” in high schools (although I got good grades, I went to 3 different ones across the country) was joining several different clubs and sports – even ones I thought I might not be very good at. I met new people who wanted to get to know me and to talk with me, even though I was always the new guy (Army brat). Maybe you could find a few things to join, if nothing else it keeps you busy and that can be a wonderful thing sometimes. Some of the sign ups for different things will be in the summer; if you call the school or go to their website you can probably learn all about the times, dates, etc.
Keep in mind that high school is socially hard and awkward for every one, some are just better at hiding it than others. If the seniors accepted you as one of their own, you’re probably going to do just fine if you can meet some more people to hang with.
I’d wish you good luck, but you don’t seem like the type of person who needs any luck; you’ll make the things you want to happen, happen.
Hello there, I have suffered a rather unfortunate brain injury back in 2007 that nearly killed me, to be fair I have recovered amazingly I will not deny that, the fact that I am able to type a letter and even read other people’s is a miracle in itself, I am very lucky that I am able to walk and talk again as for a long time after my injury I could do niether, for this I am immensely proud and grateful for however the problem I feel is that I did not loose any of my memory what so ever, I can see how this may seem strange but I see it this way as I am aware of what I have lost, I remember exactly what I was like before my fall and exactly all of the things I used to do and how they felt, bloody brilliant! Unlike my life now which is dull and quiet with pretty much no friends to keep me company, in fact the only company I have is my family and my cd collection and yes as crazy as this sounds I once created three imaginary dogs with names and breeds that always stayed the same, do not get me wrong I could not really see them I always knew they were not real. Please do not think I am mad as could understand this I am just incredibly lonely and rediculously bored?.
A great poem for all. Thanks & can relate.
Too all people with the “I do not have any friends issue”.
This is realy helpfuli nformation, but it may sting a little, so just try to be open mided.
Friends are overrated. And you know that, if you didn´t know that you would go out of your way to get some friends. But you know why you don´t do that. Because people are difficult and self centeres and full of problems. Right? Think about it. Why don´t you ask someone out? Why donpt you attend some classes or functions where you can meet people and befriend them? Because most of the time you end up being nice and people end up being nasty.
Your problem isn´t not having any friends… is that your wish people were different than they are in reality. A long time ago, after a lot of drama, and dealing with problematic friends I decided to go friendles on purpose. This was one of the best decisions of my life. I learned to live by myself. Now, when I meet people I can enjoy them as they are. I donot have to become friends with them. One person has a weird obsession? fine. Another one only plays videogames all day, or has some strange political views? Whatever. I can enjoy their company and leave. I donot have to take crap. When a person does strike me as lovely and smart, and kind and seems to be a person I would like to have close in my life, then I go and make an effort to become friends. And most of the time I succeed now, because I am not desperate… I don´t need them, I like them… and they feel it. they can sense that I want to befriend them just because I like who they are. Plus if I see them once or twice a year it´s enough… I have no need to cling to anyone and people love that.
Think about it… who on eath would want to be friends with a person who whines, and complains, and is depressed and doesn´t take care of themselves, and feels sorry for themselves? Stop that. You don´t have any friends now? So what? Enjoy the feeling of not having to deal with other peoples problems for a change and focus on enjoying your own life. Let other people worry about doing favours and listening to people whine. You luckily do not have to deal with that for a while. Not having friends for any period of time is normal. Friends come and go. It´s part of life. Friendless times are an opportunity to take care of yourself and grow so that new and better people may enter your life when you are ready to let them in.
This was actually so wonderful. Thanks for this comment.
Wow…I can say I never looked at it this way but I am sure glad I ran into your post. You are so right….thanks for the post 🙂
This is a great way to look at the situation. I have been feeling like a failure at life. People I know always seem to have best friends that they do things with, call and chat with, text, shop, whatever. I am bitter and though I really would like a good friend, I’m scared to open up. I can’t count how many times I’ve been burned by women that I allowed close to me. Now I shut them all out. This has been going on for YEARS. I just recently let my guard down and allowed a women to push herself into my life only to have her texting my husband while she was sitting across from me having lunch! It opened the wound again and made it so much worse. It harmed my marriage and effected my son. I have so much hate inside. I’m going to try moving forward the way you said…enjoy a persons company and leave. I’m tired of being the nice one, only to be walked on. It’s time for MY shoes to start doing the walking. Maybe then someone meaningful will come along. But until then, I need to find myself and the things I enjoy. Thank you Susanna.
Wow!i appreciate your wisdom! Thankyou! I could go on & on for decades about all my failures & failed friendships in my life but for my 1st reply i would like to say thankyou for your insight! ???? I would also like to share a poem with all of you. The author is unknown but i feel they chose to use a few words that are what i call foul mouthed so i kindly changed them into appropriate words to share with everyone. Please take the time to read.
(By the way it didnt have a title so i made my own)
Being me
I have fed mouths that have talked trash about me, I’ve wiped tears off the faces of the people that have caused mine, I have picked up people that have tried to knock me down, i’ve done favors for people that can do nothing for me. I have been there for people who have not been there for me… crazy??? Maybe… but, I will not lose myself in the hatred of others!!! I continue to be me because I am Who I am and it is in my nature! Life isn’t easy but through all the turmoil, I will still be here, being me!!! This poem is how i have felt most of my life. Whether it be family or so-called friends.
It’s human nature to have friends. Finding ones you can trust and rely on takes time. Relationships of any kind are time consuming and takes work.
Hi all, I feel compelled to post a reply. I am 56, in a new location many friends. Unfortunately, many of my best friends have passed away. However, my life has been filled with true friends with whom I have laughed & cried. However, not because of them. I still have friends from elementary school, living across the country who will answer my call at any hour, & I theirs. I’m lonely in a new area, however friends are the flowers that make your world beautiful. And it hurts to loose even one if they pass away. I love my friends, here and in Heaven. I look forward to making new friends. However those who have known me for 50 years can NEVER be replaced. Love, T.
Hello Susanna.
I completely get your philosophy for life.
I’ve been there for a long time.
I am curious. How long have you been living by these rules?
Hello Friends,
I am sorry that I am Lonely but sometimes for some many other reasons people like myself who have not got a single friend or not even a best friend, I find it hard & extremely difficult for what I have personally been through, and possibly many others too, I am actually frightened of being in groups, I am scared. There was a stage when I actually couldn’t take one step out the door I couldn’t pass one person after two months of physical illness. I have been on a rollercoaster ride, where I could be on top of the world one minute then at the bottom the next. I get good days, I get bad days…! I am trying to explain why I personally haven’t got any friends… Before I was Dismissed from work due to my mobility problems & as well as my Anxiety and Mental Health Problems,all my friends were told not to see me nor to get intouch with me, I was deeply hurt, and with even now I am too frightened to go out alone even during day time… I might hobble into a little cafe, if there were even only three couples in there I will hobble straight back out again, My Anxiety Levels will raise, nervous, shaking, sweating, tight chested… I just hobble out and do my breathing excercises in a quiet area until I calm down. When I was working I use to do about 12 to 14 hour days three times a week plus 8 hour days, I couldn’t go out night clubbing it or to the pubbing it…by the time I would get home when buses turned up or not, had tea etc..it was like about 9.30pm at night, then up at 6am or earlier. Everyone’s lifestyle is different. Everyones problems are different, the friends I did have were not true friends they were fake as I was told. So I do not have no one as a friend at all now. People are all got their own personal problems from one to another, Dear Friend, I hope you understand the reasons for me now & possibly others. There are different strengths, different types, different levels of Anxiety and Mental Health Illnesses etc etc etc. I would like to give anyone & everyone my sincere apologies for speaking out about why I haven’t got any friends and I am feeling so so so Lonely…! Please dear friend/s don’t take this message the wrong way, to be honest with you I am having a rough time.. I am Lonely because I have not got any friends, but not alone as I have got my husband, but talking to my husband is totally different than if one had a friend. I got a Dad who will not hug me or say I love you, I have never had that in my life of 49 years now… It hurts me deeply. I have had a terrible life so far… Sorry for moaning… Dear Friend/s.
Thinking of you all,
Tan xx
Thank you so much,, I thought is was only me . I don’t care to be with people that are complainers , tell me all night long about this grandkid , this BLAHHH , blah . It’s not worth it . I’d rather be alone .
Wow, this is such a strong message. I honestly can’t thank you enough for this wise message. After reading this I felt like smarter. You’re right, screw people man. My only regret is that I wish I got to read this sooner.
hello..this is only my 2nd time on this site..however I had to reply back after reading your very profound letter at least for me it was..that you changed my thoughts, my feelings and much more for the better,and may i also say just reading that one letter proves you are best friend material in addition a very passionate human being………p.s.by the way my name is loretta and i live in san diego
Welcome, Loretta. You must be new to the blog. I’ve removed your last name from your post. To protect yourself from spammers, please do not post any last names or other identifying information here. Thanks! Irene
I am 57 a widow and lost. Plz reply. I get it.I’m petite and at work I’m the bomb bit I lost my home and live in E.Co.with parents and am scared. I’m here
I am 28yrs old and and never had any friends. I have always struggled and (still do) to find the words to make people understand, but basically feel that these posts have summed up my entire life. I just wanted to say thank you so so much for your posts as it has given me hope that there is a way out of this full-time hell. When the words flow I will tell you my story
We are the same age, finally someone of our age. I would love to hear your story maybe I can relate.
I do not wush people were different… Thats your take on peoples situations OR you are trolling, and in either case you may have your opinion yet it doesnt fit all others experiences sir.
Please refrain from calling someone a troll just because you may not agree with what they are saying. That is against the spirit of this blog.
Thanks
The Moderator
I didn’t call them a troll.
I said “or perhaps you are trolling.” Maybe you don’t know if that means in Internet speak.
An interesting take on it all.Recently I was quite sick for a few months and was amazed at lack of spontaneous support from long time friends.New acquaintances seemed more concerned for me.I think a lot of people really are doing this life alone and not knowing it.
wow you are right in a sense. be your own friend when others wont be. i have been feeling lonely lately. reading what you have posted makes me feel better. i have never seen a sad hermit.
[Last name removed by moderator. To protect yourself against possible spammers, please do not use last names on this blog. Thanks!]
your truly blessed ,some of us get by with a little help from our friends , this life is just an experiment this world a petrie dish and and like all lab rats when the experiment is done the rats are disguarded . NEXT ther only one to blame for this exleriment is god, we are nothing more nothing less.enjoy
Just wanted to say I totally get what people are saying here. I just turned 46 and I can see it now. Younger people treat you different your not a friend, or peer, you someone who is old. My vision has been having trouble and someone at work started making fun of me. He is always trying to say how I’m getting old. If I go to the doctor he finds out he asks why I’m always going to the doctor. I sure miss the 90’s when I was in my 20’s. My life isn’t as bad as lot of these people are I’m married wife never wanted kids I did. She has problems with Alcohol I’m her caretaker probably good thing we never had kids. My Mom broke up with her long time partner after 25 years he left and so did all their friends with him. She has had no friends for the last 7 years. She spends all her time at our home so we have to make do with a house guest. Our home is small and we don’t really have any space to our self. My brother and sister have no way to help me with her so it’s on my back. I see young couples with children in their 30’s we have dogs. I dream of a life like that wife and family no one stumbling around drunk every weekend. My wife had a terrible life as as child her family is the meanest family I ever met. No one ever says, “I love you” in that family. They belittle and talk behind one an others back. They either call my wife fat or if she is thin they ask if she is on meth. They think my wife is crazy but take no responsibility for what she ended up as. Her father and brother in law beat her dog to death with a 2×4 and taunted her about it for years. It’s not a surprise she drinks. I know I’m co-dependent and enable her she won’t get help. She has cut back on drinking last year but still can’t give it up. Her family has extreme religious views and act like their bad deeds of the past was nothing because they spend so much time following “gods Laws”. I don’t know what to do with her she has no one else in life she says if I ever leave her she will kill her self she has no one to turn to. I thought not having kids would be okay as long as we had things to do vacations and such. We did for awhile until her alcohol abuse got in the way. She gets so drunk on planes, and hotels that she embarrass me I refuse to go on any more vacations. Her idea of a vacation is to drink all night and sleep all day in the hotel. I know my days are over with having a family even if we split up today younger girls would look at me like I’m too old to do that. Just remember the only thing that you can’t change is your age and how fast time passes. Make sure you do all you can to get what you want out of life before your too old.
Mike, I assume you’ve already tried, but do not let your wife keep spiraling out of control. Help her to overcome her addiction with God’s help. Before I was born, my mom was a severe alcoholic, and by the grace of God, was able to give it all up cold turkey after she looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize herself. You are her husband, it is your duty to save your wife’s life.
Eric,
Mike’s duty is not to save his wife’s life….he has done everything to save her life! When is it her responsibility to want to save her own life?. What’s her obligation as a wife? To deny him a family that he gave up because she choose the bottle over a child? You can’t have it both ways. Each partner has an obligation to each other; he has given her more than most men or women would ever do. It’s time for Mike to have his life.
[Note from moderator: Your last name has been deleted. Please do not use last names to protect yourself again spammers. Thanks!]
Mike you are not too old to have a happy life and and raise a family. You have tried everything to help your wife and now it’s time to start again and live.
just letting you know.. not only are you co-dependent but you may be abused. if you are please seek treatment. if your wife is borderline personality disorder or narcissist (as can be the case with ppl that come from extreme abuse ((its their hook in you all that pain they went thru and you feeling so terrible for their life that they havn’t taken hold off)) does she call you names? do you feel like you walk on egg shells around her? do you feel like her emotional punching bag. r u always making excuses for her? have all your friends left your life? i encourage you to seek private therapy. You may be in this situation b/c your mother may be just like her.. sometime we marry our strongest parent (usually actually) if our strongest parent was abusive and / or pushy then there you have it. also about the kid thing.. there are TONS of kids that need a great step father (btw step kids can be a really big hand ful and very unappreciative).. same goes with fostor kids.. but boy are there millions of fostor kids in our nation that need love. if your wife is not abusive, you need to demand a healthy home. she needs to go to a private therapist too and aa. if she doesn’t tell her you simply cannot and will not live in this unhealthy atmosphere.. tell her your plans to foster some children one day (you don’t really have to i guess but saying it might help give reason to change her life).. and that you are not going to put them thru a person with a drinking disorder. it is very important to find out if your wife is borderline personality disorder OR narcissistic.. if she is.. then just KNOW this ======>>>> there is zero percent true healing from that. as far as your mother, if she is not abusive, then she is terribly lonely and being a grandparent foster parent is not a bad idea but there are so many places in any city that need support.. food banks, domestic violence shelters, tour guide, ranger volunteer… the list goes on and on BIG Brother.. your mother should totally invest her time in places like that and you can lay it on her that if she i living with you, that you don’t want to see her melting into a couch… tell her your therapist (and they will say it ) told you its not good for her to do that.. if she is just hanging around alot.. then YOU go join something like that but find one with lots of ppl her age.. then go several times with her til she makes friends and then slowly bail out of it for you hobbies.. your only 46 not 86 take care
Deborah,
I couldn’t agree with you more! I would love to be 46 again; I am in my early 50’s and I don’t think I am old. I have worked in many nursing homes and I know what old is. I can get up, I don’t fall, I feed myself, shower on my own, walk my dog, working on my Master’s degree, and can take myself to the bathroom. I can still dive into a pool! What makes someone old?
Hi Mike. You are only 46. You need to stop feeling sorry for your wife and mother and leave them both. Stop making excuses. You know you have to do that. You point to your mother´s problems and your wife´s problems and blame your wife for not having children and not having the life you want. Come on. THat´s not fair. YOu are not chained to the radiator. You are not some prisioner living in a dungeon. You are a smart and capable human being who is just too afraid to get up and go live his life. Get your stuff and move out. You are not responsible for your wife´s or mother´s life. One wants to drink tha other wants to vegetate around the house… fine, that´s their problem. But if you continue to sit there with them… enabling or not (this isn´t the issue at all).. you are choosing to do so out of your own free will. Do not hold them responsible for your choices. If you wished to leave, you would leave. The same way that your wife would stop drinking if she wanted and your mother would go get some friends if she wanted that.
YOu can´t change others, you only can change yourself. Frankly, if I were in your shoes, I would start out by sleeping in a hotel two or three times a week, just to get away from the crazyness. I would turn off the cellphones on those nights and use this time to plan my exit strategy from this insane situation.
YOu are still young. Go get yourself a normal wife and a couple of kids. Cut these crazy people out of your life.
(By the way… it´s not your duty to save anyone but yourself)
Susanna,
Too funny, but sadly true! I think it’s a great start for Mike to start by leaving a few nights a week to maintain his sanity. Also, Mike should go to support groups for those that are with alcoholic/drug addicts. I think your idea of letting mommy and wife live together, in misery, sounds great. They say; misery loves company.
Mike,
Your story is so sad it made me cry. You are not old….46 is still young. You are allowing someone else to manipulate you and tell you that if you leave she will kill herself. I have been with alcoholics myself and I know how selfish and self centered they are. Alcohol is a drug; perhaps the worse one out there. I know leaving your wife leaves her with only herself but this is the only way she might decide to live. She is killing herself everyday with each drink she pours into her body. In ten years, she will be dead or in a nursing home; and you have given up your right to happiness for whom?
You have one chance in this lifetime, make sure you do all you can to get what you want out of life before it’s too late…..sound familiar? It’s time to make a change!! Stop enabling your wife to kill herself. If you leave her, and she kills herself…remember this; she has been slowly killing both of you each and everyday!! Please your are never too old to enjoy your life!
Hi Tanya
I know how you feel I have a husband and no friends and lost my mum 4 years ago to cancer and my dad is cold never been there for me since a child and have to pretend to put a face on or be OK as he’s never been the doting dad or the caring one and nor had hugs ever. Plus I also miscarried a year ago but know that I have done a lot lost weight but tried getting out and making friends and all people do now a days is care about themselves and lost respect for others and I feel shut out because I haven’t got kids and that may never and I have short term memory loss and want my husband to go to work. I feel I have lost myself and I hate that I have no friends and told doctor told I’m not normal and that weird. I tried my hardest at everything even jobs I failed at them all, thought I could be a mum and as I always be maternal and know that I lost my first child. But I went with flow with trying again and been a year and a bit and not been panicking just not happening, I told doctors if I can’t have kids I accept I can’t naturally and I would adopt.
I read these stories and it made me feel sad. I am 58. Spent my birthday (Dec 20) alone, Christmas alone, New Years alone,. I spend every hour of every day alone I have no friends. I used to but then I returned to the UK where English people would not put themselves out for anyone new. I had a car but not anymore so had to stop going to my theatre and dance lessons as by bus it’s quite a way. Day in and day out I a alone. It sucks. I hate being back in the UK and want to go back to Italy where the weather is nice and the people open their homes and hearts to strangers. British people will never open their hearts to a stranger. They are absolutely useless (and I am British). I hate it here. Detest these cold people. I have not had a loving realtionshiop with a man for 18 years. Oh the date here and there. Have not had sex for 2 years and that was nothing to get excited about. I was homeless, living in my car for nearly a year. My mother is not interested in me. My brother tells me to kill myself (a lifelong hatred and jealousy by him). I was stalked, threatened and insulted and viciously degraded on Facebook. I am trying to keep it together but it’snot easy. I hear your pain and I want to reach out to you. I never want to think that anyone is as lonely as I am.
I hope the very best for all of you and for Marla. Your stories are touching and made me realize we are not alone. We really are not.
Bless you all.
Hi I feel you are similar to what has happened in my life and I want to make friends after a divorce and now alone but have my dog
Hi Mary u sound like your living my life. Divorced living with. My dogs. No friends at least I have a job looking to move someday
I’m soon to be 51. Never married, jobs here and there. Now my life is filled with taking care of Dad (92) dementia and Mom (80) recovering from a heart attack.
I’m sad, lonely like and have no idea how to make friends.
Caregiving can be very fatiguing and emotional draining. It also may make it difficult to carve out time for yourself.
It’s important to figure out some way to set aside time to engage in activities that are rewarding to you perhaps by arranging some respite care for your parents.
Also, have you taken advantage of some of the online forums for caregivers? They can be very helpful in offering practical information as well as offering a place to vent and receive support.
I can only imagine what a difficult time this must be for you. Best, Irene
It’s comforting to know that others are “suffering” and the online community is helpful.
Dear Janet,
I am so sorry to hear that your Dad isn’t at all well… I am also sorry that your Mum has been very poorly too.
I am not sure if you are aware but there are a few group things around for people with Dementia – to be honest I do not fully understand it yet although my Great Uncle has it too.
He’s 97 years old. But hey Janet at least your Dad has got the most important people in his life around him, never give up, although no matter how upsetting & frustrating it can be for you & your Mum who isn’t well. Janet at least your Mum survived a dreadful trauma for yourself, you have got all my sympathy for what you are dealing with at present. My Dad has had numerous of Heartaches and Strokes too… It’s frightening & scary flower ????. I don’t have any friends what so ever & I am feeling very Lonely too… I am not very technical to be honest… But I would love to be your friend if you would like to be mine too.
I am 49 years old.
I am married, no children, but we do have pets…!
Have you got any pets Janet if you have, & you got a cat, rabbit, dog etc sometimes you can find it therapeutic stroking furry animals…! But when you are low it is difficult to concentrate on anything. I have got Anxiety & Mental Health Problems etc etc etc… Being so lonely isn’t nice for anyone, especially yourself who is trying to juggle with your parents ect… I hope you do give Yourself time out each day, in the sense of an hour or two to do whatever you would like to do. You need some precious time to yourself to get through this rough patch.
Take Good Care of Yourself too & I do hope that your Mum will be fully better soon… Have you tried to get help like carers for your Dad in particular…? It may be worth while to make an appointment with your own Doctors and discuss any further help & for you for your Dad. It would take some weight off your shoulders.
Lots of Hugs, thinking of you, Tan xx
Dear Janet,
I apologise for an incorrect word spelling, sorry.
Thinking of You,
tan xx
I am 38 divorced for 3 yars and only now seem to realize that I am alone. Recently I have been feeling so alone and regretful of the how I treated my wife while married. I only now have opened my eyes and see that I am truly unhappy. My friends are mostly gay men and I am not. They are also 10+ years older than me and we do not share time together except in the summer at one of their camps. This is what we have in common. I wish to have relationships with people closers to my age. I also wish to find love again. I feel like finding love again is impossible. I only want meaningful relationships because I am getting older and feel like a failure. I truly hope that I can feel happy and warm again and give that true feeling to someone.
Dear friend,
Please don’t feel alone we are here to help one & another.
We’re here to support each other.
I was totally home alone Christmas & New Years day too, I can sympathise with you on that.
I do not have one single friend, not even a best friend. I am 49 years old. My husband went to his parents. I wasn’t well enough to go. I do not get on with his family. I do feel Very Lonely.
Thinking of you flower ????.
I am here if you want to be my friend, I enjoy emailing & texting.
I enjoy craft stuff, Card Making, Cross Stitching etc.
I am 100% honest genuine lady, I swear on the BIBLE to you.
Best wishes,
Tan (Tanya) x
Hi Tanya – Thanks for this post and kindness. However, your email address has been deleted because to avoid spammers, no personal identification is permitted on this blog. It is intended to help people by providing ideas and support. There are other places on the Internet to connect with people for platonic or romantic relationships.
There is a Facebook page that I have set up, too, for women only who want to connect in person: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/
Thanks for your cooperation. Irene
I can relate with everyone’s comments I am overwhelmed in every aspect of my life; yet I am a God-centered person very sociable and seems always to be there for everyone else and when I Need Just a Friend or conversation or any help at all no one seems to ever be there. My family has never maintain a relationship with me throughout my life nor my son and sometimes I feel like I’m just sitting here waiting to die. I’ve lost all aspect of life like after 15 years my boss passed away so now I am even looking for a job and it just seems like I have so much love to give and I extend it out I never get any in return. May you have a God blessed day in every way I pray. I came here looking for friendship and the connection to feel that I am necessary important and needed
I hope this gets to the right person. Marla I want to make friends I want to die. I’m not good at blogs. I’ll try to make this brief. I’m 51. In my twenties I found my best best friend. Long story short she and her boyfriend was murdered in California 28 years ago. My brother died 26 years ago. He was my older brother and died on 4/3. Moved to Delaware and found my next bestie at work .Friends for 25 years. She became addicted to coke and did not want to be my friend any more. Still can’t understand that but oh well.
That was 2006. Time goes on. Dad died, long tragic story. Then on 4/3/2014 my mom died. Again long story. She died 26 years to the day that my older brother died of AIDS. My younger brother contacted me after no contact for 26 years for assistance
After she died, no contact. I mean this when I say this but the wrong relative died. Again long story. I have no family no children no husband and no pets. It depressing when one fills out an application and where it says “In case of emergency notify” and I say “911”because that is literally the situation. I understand what you are feeling. People might say we are feeling sorry for ourselves, etc. Not the case. Depression is one thing. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. I read a few things here and there is a difference between arguing fact and debating feelings so I’ll just leave it at that. I’m not depressed. I just wanna go to a Renaissance Faire with someone who share my interests. Know what I mean? Take care. I don’t know the rules of blogs, still learning but if you want to talk…..
I recently experienced the same thing. My employer needed an emergency contact phone number and I had a deer-in-the-headlights look. I knew I had no one …but now I had to let coworkers know how pathetic my life was. I told her I had nobody and she said there HAD to be someone …a neighbor perhaps. All of my neighbors have passed away and their houses have become rentals with unsavory types. It had been well over a year since anyone has stepped foot in my house. I told her “No” …I had no one. She said: “How sad.”
It’s bad enough being this way …it’s even worse for others to know.
thought iwas the only one
Yeah, when I was asked to supply an emergency contact I was too ashamed to say I really had no one that could be expected to come pick me up if sick or whatever so I made up a name and phone number (the hope is that the situation will never arise). Going to be 66 this year – never married, no kids, relatives, friends, neighbors and I know it is down deep how I guess I really want it to be but I’ve never really figured out why so at this point I just accept that some people are wired differently and try to just put one foot in front of the other, work two days a week which forces me to interact with people, play with my darling little dog, just took a class at the senior center to learn to knit which I really ended up liking, and count each day as being one day closer to reuniting with the parents that I loved beyond life and know are still helping me every day. Having a strong faith that God will make happen what is supposed to happen helps me carry on.
Marla
I just have to tell you, I was surprised to read Dyscalculia. I have that, though it was never diagnosed. I read about it and it’s me. i had a terrible time with parts of Geometry. I went to summer school, 6 hrs, 8 weeks of Geometry and the teacher was kind to test me on the 90% I knew.
It’s one of the reasons, besides money, having 4 brothers, that I haven’t didn’t go to college.
My mother would always say to me, your left is the hand you write with. I do not know instinctually left from right. When I give directions, I say follow the finger it knows where to point. The mouth is usually wrong.
I had a new doctor and they thought they had the wrong patient. She said I looked and acted younger than her, though she was younger than me.
I have been inspired by people who have had careers starting out in their 50’s, 60s. An actor I am fond of went back to finish medical school. He says he will start practicing when he is in his late 50s, just when people start thinking of retiring.
I have discovered that I like writing. I have also been told that I have creative talent. I never thought i was a writer, just a reader.
In the 7th grade I tested out as college level in vocabulary. I thought that was useless and wished it had been math.
Now I appreciate that a good vocabulary is a positive thing and I AM enjoying writing, taking online courses, taken two workshops. That is something I am enjoying.
My youngest brother just passed with cancer. He was given 6 months without chemo, he lasted a little over 4 months. His wife is devastated. They still loved each other, held hands, spelled I love you in candy hearts on the bed. My oldest brother has decided to be not nice. For some reason, the past several years, his intent is to ruin Christmas for me, because he knows how much I like it.
For me age is an attitude. I was in a group of geeks, but one of the members kept making jokes about my age and ridiculing me. Much to my dismay, I left. I felt as young as them. They were in their early 30s and I thought we were getting along great. When the club expanded in members, they did not want “old” people around. They told me the other old person left.
Medical problems….a few. I keep telling the doctor it is weird that healthy food is causing problems. Don’t eat this, that, etc. I have to eat a certain level to maintain my blood chemistry. It’s not diabetes, it’s something else.
I was feeling pretty blue today about the lies my brother told a friend about me. She invited over for Christmas. I said yes and my brother said no for the both of us after I said yes. She doesn’t want to see either of us. She is mad and I felt bad that my brother seemed to make me the villain.
I found this and it has helped me to read other’s problems and I was astonished to read someone else had dyscalculia. It did cause some problems when tapes were switched with the wrong labels. I had to think about it when everyone knew automatically. I also worked with some mean people that like to sabotage your work and a manager who thought that was funny.
I made it and I worked hard and I have retired after 42 plus years.
hope you feel better. It’s hard to get rid of being depressed.
Sounds like you are haveing a pitty-party. I too suffer from learning disabilities (Dyslexia) and have struggled my entire life. I did not do well in school, and my Catholic School teachers didn’t make life any easier. Somehow I found a way to succeed in life. I have earned several degrees and continue to move forward. I don’t have many friends either but that does not stop me from living life and enjoying the time I spend alone. Like you I have also gained weight, and that is my fault. I have joined a gym and am working towards feeling better. The point I am trying to make – life is not going to come to you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. So you can’t do math big deal-you can formulate a sentence and express your emotions. Get off the couch, put down the twinkie and go to Target and buy some heavy duty trash bags and start cleaning out the clutter in your life. Then commit to joining a gym and start moving. If you can’t afford a gym, start walking in a mall or around your neighborhood. Next, get a part time job. You need to learn to accept yourself and enjoy the little time you have left on this earth.
It is hard to see all these hard luck stories. I myself am having the same issues, if not similar issues. Little to no friends. No boyfriends. Living with parent’s. no job. It’s like if you miss the “friends mark” by your late twenties….you miss it completely. When women start to have children, they tend to surround themselves with other women with children, not women without children. We get left out of the fray. The loneliness makes it harder to connect with significant others and few people really understand. First of all, I think it’s wrong to mention all the good things in someone’s life when they are feeling really bad due to life circumstances. 1. It makes them feel ashamed to feel sad (the idea is they are made to feel bad for feeling bad by telling them all the good things they aren’t seeing). Few people know that this can make depression worse. Most people already know the good aspects of their lives. When depression hits, especially when caused by severe environmental triggers, the bad have started to outweigh the good.
Sometimes it’s understandable, given people’s life situations, that people are so lonely and sad. It makes sense. A antidepressant never worked on me, because my problems are due to my environment and my disability, which I can’t change. This isn’t a disease. Sometimes I wonder how many people are taking an antidepressant for extremely negative life situations because they are so sad that can’t change them. Their doctor’s call this depression. I call it LIFE!
I have found in the past that all have memories to look back on, holidays, parties, visiting friends, their favorite car or bike, their dog or cat and some strange and unusual memories.It pays to share these memories with others who have similar memories who will be very interested in your memories which may remind them of theirs. We all think our lives are all the same when they are not, our past life will be of interest to others, as their individual lives will be interesting to us, to get into conversation with others will soon lift loneliness from our lives and make us new friends.
I found this page by accident, but i think I was meant to. I don’t want sympathy for myself, but rather to express understanding and share what I know that may help.
I studied psychology in college, and it is a fact that “depression is a disease of stress”. It comes on after someone’s life burdens them to a point that isn’t tolerable for too long a time. I had a violent father and a neglectful, self centered mother (both still alive but not interested in being involved in my life) which is why I was depressed even as a small child.
Not too long ago i would have said “I think about my blood leaving my body and spreading across the floor many days, and when i do, i think about that all day long. I think all the time that my body has fallen apart and I’m not even 30 yet. When I get like this I have considered going to the hospital and committing myself, but I went to the hospital when I was 15. When I got out, all of the problems were still there.”
Elizabeth is right that depression is really just “LIFE”- The hardships that people face, whether they have the same set of problems in this discussion or they have very different ones like I do, it comes down to needing a CURE rather than attempting to treat your justified emotions with pills that usually don’t make anyone feel better and only attempt to make you lose touch with the unfortunate reality of your life.
that is the whole point. In almost every case, people are depressed because there are things in their life that need to be fixed or worked around so that it stops being a problem and burdening the person who is depressed. With bipolar disorder it is different, but even depression with suicidal thoughts is usually caused by simply feeling helpless in your situation. The only way to stop feeling that way is to tackle the problems. No amount of medication or venting to a therapist will fix the things in your life that are causing the misery- unless you, like me, need someone to vent to and that is one of the things that is missing from your life- OR, you are unable to see that you need to take action, or you don’t know how to even begin to fix things.
Healing from depression is a process with however many steps it takes to solve your problems.. Figure out what order you personally need to handle things in for the plan to work for you, and then do it.
I have to add this last thing because it is SO important- not everyone wants kids, not everyone wants to get married and they feel that a relationship is good enough without a ring. There is no reason to label yourself as a failure because you don’t have those things. If “fitting in” really meant you had to have kids no later than your late twenties, almost everyone i knew from high school and college would be a failure, despite having good jobs and relationships and way more friends than I have, because right now I don’t have any I ever hear from. The point is, don’t measure your life by some criteria that you think you are supposed to live up to, and if your family doesn’t love you the way mine doesn’t, start understanding that they are just messed up people like anyone else you could come across, and being related to them was a matter of chance, and you got a crappy deal but you should never feel ashamed just because they don’t treat you right. You don’t need them, everyone just grows up hearing how important family is and if their family is messed up, it becomes something horrible they can’t accept for their entire lives. You have to be willing to let them go and be your best self and build a family made out of friends and maybe a romantic partner. People you get to choose.
Find the steps you need to take to feel good and do them. Stop playing a victim and start choosing what you let into your life – and WHO. This is the only way. If you have no problems at all and you are still depressed, you’re either in denial, or you are one of the very rare people who actually does have a chemical imbalance, but this is usually only something that occurs in people who have a history of using hardcore recreational drugs. You are the only one who can fix you, and that decision is completely in your control, you are not as helpless as you think you are- so start your path to a good life, it is never too late, and you are never too old.
Good grief. Did you leave anything out?
janet, heather spent a lot of thought in her post. plz be considerate.
Thanks for your reminder, Stephanie!
Replies like this aren’t helpful. Please refrain from making comments like this.
Thanks.
The Moderator
Heather,
I just wanted to say thank you for your post. It really made such good sense in my opinion. I can relate to a lot of what you said and I had the same type of parents as you as well.
Thanks again for taking the time to write. Your words reached something in me that needed to hear them.
for marla
I just read your post and can relate totally. i’m too tired to write now but just reading that someone had the same trials made me feel a little less alone. why is it so hard to connect with people. why is life so cruel and lonely. and for some it’s much much worse than others. I wish you would write me. I think we have a lot in common and I can’t make friends. i’m 51 and thinking dying every day. no man, no friends, no dates, elderly sick cats, not enough money to pay the bills, horrible siblings…. I am so lonely sometimes I wonder what the point is. I wish you’d write me, i’m so desperate and alone. or anyone else that wants to write. i’m so tired
Wendy,
I’m sorry that you are feeling so alone and unsupported. Many times, therapists or coaches can help someone get “unstuck” and try something different.
This website isn’t set up to connect people with each other. Often when people exchange personal information on the internet (such as email addresses), they are victims of spammers.
I have set up a private group on Facebook, where you can connect with other women: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/
Of course, if you feel so despondent that you are thinking about giving up, contact a suicide hotline immediately.
• A free 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) is available to people in crisis (or their loved ones) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are routed to local crisis centers.
• In the UK or Ireland, Samaritans offers confidential support at 08457 90 90 90.
My best, Irene
I am feeling exactly the same way. I’m 43 and due do health and financial issues living itch my parents. I’ve always wanted children but am having to come to terms with the likely possibility that it won’t happen. The few friends I have are just at the point where their kids are starting school so I’m lucky if I go out 3 times a year. Have hd very little success in romance and haven’t had a date in years. I was owing ok career wise but was one of the many hit by the recession and s laid off twice n a 4 year period. I no hav a steady job which I really like but am making so little I can’t afford to move out o my parents house. I have o much shame and self esteem I literally can’t look at myself in the mirror. I’ve stopped caring about the clothes I wer, makeup, or anything else. I feel like I’ve just recharge a pint in my life where my sole purpose is to keep a roof over my head and stay fed until I eventually die. I can’t find a single thing that interests me to even go out an try an on top of all that am dealing with a choice pain issue that makes m feel lik a actually am dying 17 out of 30 days a month. I never knew it was possible to feel so desk sd it literally hurts. I am seeing a counselor and am also on anti depressants but after several years I still haven’t sen much progress. I hate myself so much an the burden I put on my family. I would be so great full just to talk with any of you, s I have nobody I can talk to. People jut don’t want to her about it. Reach out if you want to talk. I’m so horribly lost nod lonley and I can’t bear the thought that this is hat th rest of my life will be like
Wishing you all so much love and understanding and that w will all find a way through this.
Steph
Please excuse my typos above. I’m adjusting to a new stylus and didn’t realize how many there were until just now.
Hi Stephanie,
Having chronic pain can color your whole life. Is there any possibility of you seeing a pain specialist to see if you can bring the pain under control?
My best, Irene
Steph, sorry for what you are going through. I feel the same way that I am just working to meet my basic needs and not be out in the street and trying to take care of my beloved cats and just waiting to die. I have given up on ever finding any meaningful relationships of any kind. Men have never been interested in me much, esp. since I’ve gotten older and I am unable to make friends. I just want to be home with my cats and enjoy quiet simple things. I just wish I could find someone to share my life with and help me through the hard times. It’s so sad when good people can’t find a shred of happiness. So unfair. and trying harder doesn’t always work. anyway, I just wanted to say hi. when I write at night i’m always exhausted from work so I can’t write or think much more right now. I wish I could connect with others like you who have similar problems. wendy
Hey Stephanie. I understand how you feel and if you need to vent I’m here I don’t mind listening to how you feel cause I know how lonely it can become when you have no one to turn to. Hope everything is going ok. Take care.
Hey Steph, your paragraph interests me. If you want to chat email me. I am a 46 yr old male.
Welcome to the blog, B. Just to remind everyone here that no exchanges of personal information or email addresses is permitted on this site to discourage both spammers and people who might take advantage of others. This blog isn’t intended as a match-up site for platonic or romantic friendships. Best, Irene
Hi wendy. I would love to be your friend. How are you doing today? My name is Nicole.
Hi Nicole,
Thanks for writing. Thanks for offering your friendship. That sounds great. Tonight not doing great as my beloved cat Ali just died in my arms about a half an hour ago. So I’m heartbroken about that. He was old and had kidney and heart disease so it was inevitable but it’s still awful. So today hasn’t been great. How are you? What time zone are you in? I’m in Pacific and it’s 11:30 p.m. I probably won’t sleep much tonight even though I am exhausted. I’m up looking for support online about my cat just dying actually. Wendy
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your cat. We get so attached to our pets.
@Wendy and Nicole
Just to remind everyone here that no exchanges of personal information or email addresses is permitted on this site to discourage both spammers and people who might take advantage of others.
If you do want to connect in real life, you will need to do so on sites specifically set up for that purpose. Also, I have set up a private group on Facebook (limited to women only) who can exchange information there: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/
Aw man that is terrible.I bet Ali was a cool cat, and I’m sorry for your loss…. I’m in the Pacific time zone as well.. I was feeling crappy but I seen that you replied to my message and I feel a little better now. If you need to talk more about your cat I’m here for you.
Wow,my heart goes out to you. Hang in there.
i’m a 61 year old male.You’d think i’d have friends of some kind as i look more 40-ish than 60-ish.but..as i got older my ineterests didn’t stagnate..while i still enjoy all the movies and music i grew up with in the 70’s, I got totally in to MTV in the 80’s and as each decade came about i enjoyed much of the current music and movies.as i got older and time went by ,i saw others my own age disinterested in anything current.Here i am today and my taste in music is totally diverse(bing crosby and the beatles to adele and metallica and Nightwish which is a symphonic metal band) ,i love horror and action movies still.i’m on total disability due to a sleep disorder..i’m odd and different enough that i have no friends my own age..not by choice,they just don’t have near the same interests.i’m obsessed with music videos of the 80’s and 90’s..also i don’t feel the sluggishness of age ..i’m 61 but feel as fit as i did in my mid 30’s..i don’t feel the effects of age progression..can still walk 5 miles and not get breathless..i live in a senior community ,my 91 year old mother lives in the apartment next to me..i don’t say any of this to boast..i actually am lonely because of these things!!people in the senior community don’t get along with me,don’t have the same interests and they don’t understand why i have those interests begin with..i don’t seem to fit in with others my age,but neither do younger people want to hang with me cause i’m ‘old’ in their opinion..it’s due to my interests and not feeling old and such that i’m terribally lonely and both young ‘nor people my age care to hang out with me.I frequently regret that i hung out with younger people for so much of my life between 33 and 50..cause once i began to look to be 40-ish,younger people suddenly didn’t want to hang with me.. but my strong obsession in ‘younger’ interests and especially with music videos,(as i can easily sit and watch them for half the day) created a problem in meeting ,making good friends with others in my age bracket..this is a horrible place to be stuck,,i’m lonely and have not one friend to hang with..i’ve had chances to hang with younger people but i’m a christian on top of all the other i mentioned,and the young people i meet that have my interests are always the club or drinking or pot smoking type and as i said,people in my age group aren’t much into as much of the current media stuff,and especially not into sitting for hours watching music videos..i realised along time ago that i’m kind an oddball for someone of my age..much of it because i’ve had a sleep disorder and unemployed for it since 1980..that’s when my lifestyle took the turn to hanging with younger people..it seemed normal because,since i looked younger,i attracted younger people and they didn’t care that i was older.i hit 40-ish in appearance in my early 50’s..suddenly younger people weren’t starting conversation and readily smiling and talking to me in public,and when i’d begin conversation they’d often look at me as if i was acting in a threatening manner.. it really affected me badly.I’m stuck somewhere in between being a 61 year old and a 20 year old..best way to describe it..i realise that when people meet me ,my being so different either confuses them or makes them feel uncomfortable,but they can’tput their finger on what is,,and of course they avoid me for it.while i’ve gotten used to being ‘odd’ the lonliness still possesses me..a few nights ago a guy about my age,working in a restaurant i frequent,began talking about music,and of course it was older classic music,,i began talking about my diverse tastes(metal,goth) and he gave me a weird look ..stopped the conversation short. i’ve seen him since then but he doesn’t talk to me now,and it’s clear he doesn’t want to make the attempt now.i’m used to it..it’s the’norm,,but i’m terribally lonely none the less!!
Dennis,
Go to the Facebook page and we can write each other.
Hello everyone,
I have been reading through many posts and can’t help but to feel very torn inside. I can’t say I truly understand some positions taken as I am only 20 years young and have little insight to the lives that you all describe. However, I can say with utmost certainty that reading through these posts has given me such a greater respect and understanding of some harsh realities that life sometimes brings. Although I am many years your younger, I can tell you that difficulty making friends is something that spans the ages, from elementary school to forever. I, myself, have experienced this problem. I started to read a lot about how I should fix this issue and found many philosophies.. after all that reading and all those philosophies, however, I found that the best mindset was that we are all human and WE ARE ALL NATURALLY SOCIAL. It’s really basic but in practice it can make all the difference. I have used this rationale to meet new people and form new bonds where they had not existed prior and would not have existed otherwise.
Anyways, I know that my post probably is unusual but I hope it helped in some way. If my post didn’t help you practically, just know that reading through all these heartfelt posts has really inspired me to better address these issues in my life with my own family. Not only that but you all have really inspired to want to make a change for you all. This issue is so underrepresented in society today and I think that we as a society can spend a little more time and attention on the individuals that helped raise so many generations…
It may seem insignificant now but I want to start some organization that addresses this issue. Not necessarily a group only targetting awareness on the matter but something that can actually bring wonderful people with these similar backgrounds together for a second chance at friendship.
I wish you all the best in your quests’ for friendship and even more so in your life. Let me know if any of you have ideas for bringing people together that you would enjoy being a part of. Again, good luck out there!
If you come up with something I am interested. I feel the same as everyone else. I don’t want to date. I just would like to chat with people in the same situation and not feel so alone.
thanks Richard you’re a star – keep being concerned about others
This is how many “older” people are treated in the U.S., I’m afraid. We’re not seen as “useful”, so we’re left to die… if not physically, emotionally. I’m fighting it, but it’s hard at best and almost impossible if you’ve been left with a negative attitude.
Saying a prayer for each of you here. I won’t be able to stay, I have to get back to work (where I am not paid and not appreciated).
Enjoy as much social interaction as you can manage. I’ve come to believe that’s all that’s left for me.
congrats… Now you know what living as a male feels like (unless you’re in the top percent)
Cuz no one cares about us unless we are doing some sucky job that pays.
not true
The only people running around pretending that they are winners are cops and they have one of the highest suicide rates amongst all careers.
i’m trying not to smile but it’s too hard not to
And why are you smiling? Please share.
i would like to be your friend. it sounds like you are the kind of person who is give and take- do you like to put into a friendship as well as what someone gives to you? I think maybe so. I have had a few turns of life that were somewhat beyond my control. although I always blame myself for my situations…. but it would be nice to chat to you- get to know you and your personality. let me know how your day started- what you watched on the news- a story on tv that made you laugh….kind regards linda- and I don’t know how to connect other than this site- please let me know
Can I be your friend? I don’t have many friends. 🙁
Hi I’ll be your friend warstar.
Hi Marla,
Thankyou for opening this thread. Just wondered how you are going.
Come on back in and l lets chat. It seems to me you underestimate yourself. You have looked after your parents in life and thats not easy.
Sadly when ones times taken up caring, it does leave you with no friends or social life. Once there gone just a huge empty gap.
I am sorry other than Irene you appear to have been ignored – but i have noticed with a lot of posters as soon as a male appears the subject person can get ignored.
You can be ignored in here too- but lets face it you only need to find one or two nice people to chat with.
Just like Pat in here. Wins by a country mile. Actually when i think about it they haven’t even welcomed a new poster.
So dont feel your the only one– hehe doesn’t matter.
Like to know how your doing and i wont ignore you.
Take care Marla
Hogwash
People get down right miserable when they have no support.
Thats not medical always but the hand life dishes out to them.
Dont let anybody tell you that you have a mental illness just because your sad with your life.
Many of them have god reason to be sad and that normal.
Nobody wants to know you when your down. Thats to their shame not yours and human nature.
yea you’re right – sometimes it’s just good old fashioned miserable
I absolutely agree. I think depression is just the catch all phrase and many times doesn’t apply. if your life is crappy and you are alone, not amount of therapy or happy pills is going to make it ok. a lot of life is just luck. I wish someone here would write me back. i’m feeling effin awful
I haven’t been to work in over a week. Started a new job in January and I just don’t fit in. I don’t make friends easily nor do well thrown into social situations. Feeling like a failure. Two friends living far away who have their own lives. Today, just to share a few kind words, I made the rounds of a few stores to make small talk with other shoppers, staff. Pathetic. I’ll be 52 next week. I have 2 grown children who don’t want to hear anything negative, so I keep my thoughts to myself. Somebody once said that most of us live the majority of our lives within ourselves, afraid to let anyone see who we really are. I think that’s true. I’m so very tired of being totally alone. I reach out and get nothing. I’ve tried cultivating friendships in many places, but when the activity is over, there is no lasting friendship.
Hi Joanna, Yeah.. I know what you mean EXACTLY. I am almost in the same boat as you. I am a male 10 years older than you but the reason I don’t make any friends is because there is nothing out there that appeals to me. Guys like to hang around the pub and talk about sport and chasing women but I am not into that kind of stuff. Was never into that macho-male huntin’/shootin’/fishin’ bollocks. I’m more a movies, music, books kinda guy. I was married for 20 years to a woman who was much younger than I and, when all is said and done, it appears that all I did those 20 years was “baby sit”. That is, keep her out of trouble and keep her amused. The classic “Captain Save-a-Ho” white knight until she decided that she needed attention from many men in order to get that dopamine blast of “happy hormones” she craves. Her exit left me with “empty nest syndrome” if you know what I mean. The divorce was such a hurtful, humiliating experience that I am reluctant to pursue other females and I live a quiet, comfortable life with my two beautiful cats… it just seems weird that this will be my lot until somebody finds me dead in my own home. It’s a spooky feeling knowing there is literally nobody in my life and although I am very self-sufficient and not what you would call “lonely”, I do feel “alone” sometimes and it’s an eerie feeling. About “living the majority of our lives within ourselves”.. yeah, I can dig it. I’m there. It’s great to have somebody to care about in this life and if it wasn’t for my two fuzzy little “nuisances” I would have nothing except myself. Life sure is… unpredictable.
Cheers,
~Jack
You all sound like such wonderful people, the kind of people I’d love to be friends with. I can so relate to all that you write. Women my age, in my area, get together to do “church” things, or bake sales, or knitting, or go curling or bowling (two sports that bore me to no end). So it’s just me! Who would ever have thought things would end up this way? Just leaves me wondering where I screwed up so badly.
Pat
Hi! It sounds like you might have more energy than other women your age. Maybe you could try to make some friends with younger people?
Cheers
Mike
That was some good advice you gave Mike. I’m sitting here alone
for Thanksgiving this year, as I have last year. I have a
very disfunctional family and chose not to be with them, so it was my choice, BUT, I feel soooo lonely right now. I have some friends. It’s very hard to be torn between
letting people know how you feel when you’re down and out, but then not wanting to pour it all out in fear of depressing them. I let it out to a friend and she seems to have pulled back on our friendship and now I feel even worse, much worse than before. It really hurts to lose a friendship
because you can’t keep it in any longer. Guess I’m just feeling alienated and sad. Too bad people can’t remember when “they” felt that way and make it a point to be emphathetic, huh? Well, if you care to answer this, please do. Take care Janet
Oh Pat, least you have a good sense of humour! I like you and Marla already and have not yet met you both. I am feeling emphathy with you both as I have recently moved to a new area, started a University Degree in Mental Health Nursing and feed very lonely, I am a paradox in that I come over as confident, (not true) extrovert (not really) and independent (not true). Truth is like you I am feeling lonely and am hitting the wine more than is good for my health. I spoke to my G.P and she has diagnosed that I have a drink problem but that it is coming from emotional issues that need to be resolved. Marla like you I have gained 100lbs making it impossible to meet a nice man, or friendships. I miss being able to buy and fit in to nice clothes but alcohol has made me gain weight as I binge when I drink – so there you go, yet I have a good sense of humour and love being around people. Pat you haven’t screwed anything up at all and Marla you have done your best for other people now you need to let yes let other people help you. by the way what is your cat’s name as I adore cats?
best wishes Bea
I feel like you. I am 60, left a horrible relationship, alienated me from my family, hard to be around them, because of the guilt. I too am living inside of myself, I have a big heart, would like to share activities, talks, fun things in life and live instead of waiting to die. Sure would like to make friends to do things with, I have relatively good health. I don’t know how to make friends, or where
It’s hard to leave a relationship, even a bad one, especially as your family isn’t being supportive. Why should you feel guilty? Is your family making you feel that way? Nobody really knows what goes on inside another’s marriage. My first husband used to beat on me, but was always careful not to leave bruises that couldn’t be covered by long sleeves and he always sucked right up to my mother, who blamed me entirely for my marriage breakdown without even bothering to ask why I left him.
Hang in there. I hope you can find people with mutual interests, such as in a bowling league or fitness class, if you’re so inclined. And even if you’re not, it would be something new and different to try! Wish you lived close to me and could come over, with your “relatively good health” and help me muck out the goat house this afternoon!
Hi Pat,
I am new, and hope you dont mind me butting in to say g,day. While i am not impressed with rules putting folk on Facebook– i guess we can all be friends through here– yes.I dont use face book, and cant anyway-.
Goats ah. you sound interesting. What do you do with them?
Me- i have no family- well none that ever bother with me.
The thing that still gets to me is i was always the one helping them whenever they asked. They all used me. I accept that both money wise and emotionally . I am happy to say i got over the pain replaced by anger and its well deserved. Friends– yep had plenty– i thought when i had a bit of money and helped this one and that out.
I learnt when my Mum died who my friends were– not one call from them or family.
I am ok with that now too. Far better off knowing.
What annoys me is when well meaning folk say go out join clubs. Trust me that really makes you feel even more lonely.
I was a stunner to look at but never knew it – couldn’t understand when younger why other women didnt want to be friends. Now i am older wiser fatter and uglier– 🙂
My favorite thing in life is just to sit talking to a real girlfriend sipping coffee or tea.
I am among other things a x missing persons investigator. Well hope to hear back. Take Care
All of us looking so hard for friends! It made me wonder if there aren’t lonely people right in my neighbourhood. But then I live in a very rural area, and I’m “from away” and most people have been here forever, and are all wrapped up in their families. And most group activities bore the crap out of me. For instance, they’re trying to organize a softball league for adults, but I was never a softball fan. Would it be worth it to make friends? I can’t even see that happening. The people in the league probably already all know each other; their kids did little league together and went to school together, etc, etc. Heck, the people in the league probably went to school together.
I don’t do anything with the goats. They just hang out with the rest of my critters. I have a nice collection of animal friends. That’s good, since the human friend thing isn’t working out so well.
I wish you did Facebook, Mary! It’s really easy. I can’t even work a cell phone and I can manage facebook. I’d love to chat. But right now I have to get back out and sledgehammer in more fence posts. I am not making that up. It’s what I’m actually doing. Some days I really question my sanity….missing person investigator sounds so interesting. I would so love to hear your stories. Please reconsider going on facebook and we can join up there. I think there, at least, we could exchange email addresses if you’d rather.
Take care!
Pat
Hello Pat.
Thanks for your reply. I too bang in posts on my farm, but i dont live there full time.
Yes the church groups and knitting etc – not me either. I would be happy to do the emails but not face book. Some of my cases are too well know publicly.
Also i dont like face book as its so public even talking family stuff.
Speaking of fences– i have to re do mine after allowing a farmer to put his cows in- and he just left the fences in a mess.
Farmers are changing too.
Hope to hear from you.
Hi, Mary!
Don’t talk to me about farmers! Two old farmers own all the land around my house and they’re not nice people. Lordy how I hate men who talk down to women. Both of these guys think they know way more about everything than I could possibly know. I kinda have zero tolerance for that sort of crap anymore.
But I don’t know how we could exchange email addresses without going through facebook. And this is a little public for me!
But if you’ve got any suggestions I’d love to hear ’em!
Pat
Hi Pat
Yep dont i know it. I brought this place with a fried and oh boy the local farmers likewise. One farmer i let put his cattle in overstocked .. strained all my brand new feces – let them knocked down the pool i put up eat the trees i etc — @ break the water pipe–
I will think of a way to correspond. Must rush atm. Dying to hear all about your farm.
Really glad i found this site now.
Talk soon.
Mary and Pat,
This site is not intended for personal off-topic conversations that don’t pertain to the original poster.
If you want to have a personal conversation, you need to find another online venue that is set up to foster platonic friendships online. Vive is one such site: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/vive-using-technology-connect-real-people/
Thanks for your cooperation. Please make sure any future comments address the original post and pertain to all other readers or they will be deleted.
Oh my gosh, Jack. I so hear you. My husband passed away last October and here I sit. I have no life, no kids, no real friends. I just turned 64 three days ago. I’m a movie, music, books kinda person, like you. My cats are feral working girls who keep the rat population down in the barn. I’ve given up having a life or ever feeling better. Please respond to me. Maybe we can be friends — weird pen pal sorta friends. I live in Florida. I am relating to something everyone said. I am a loser with a heart of gold but no one to love. I believed all the horrible things I was told about myself growing up. I know now they’re not true but I’m old, fat and ugly with limited energy now. God bless us all. I don’t Facebook either.
Hi Pat,
Its taken me all this time on and off the find this thread again where we exchanged posts. How are you going with those farm posts?
I will ask my friend to get the face book contact going and show him Irene’s link comment-
FB is just something i have never done given my need for privacy. I am old school . I pick up a phone. I operate a political forum but everybody has access to private messages so its never been a problem .
I have a sister ( Lawyer) whos a control freak- but lets do it Irene’s way .
Talk to you soon.
As I read all these bogs, I suddenly realize that I am not the only woman alone at 61. I don’t know how it happened. I remember after my divorce, at 51, I would say, “tomorrow”, I’ll get out tomorrow, well, it’s 10 years later! I had hope at first, but it slowly faded as each holiday passed by and each birthday. I tried making friends. I even bought a Stratos, bass boat. My doctor said, do what you love and you will meet people. I love dance, so I have a Youtube channel with dance videos. I have more friends on the other side of the world then here where I live. After my divorce, I lost my friends; married women don’t want single women around. I feel invisible wherever I go, when 10 years ago, people would come up to me and start talking. It is pitiful; if it weren’t for my faith in the Lord, I would not have made it this far. I lost my granddaughter, 6 yr old, beautiful princess. I didn’t feel alone when we would spend hours each day playing on Skype. My son and his x girlfriend, are very bad parents. I had to watch my granddaughter be abused, in every way. If I dared to say anything, they would block us for months at a time. They hurt her so bad, she is damaged. I have tried everything, but grandmother’s have no rights. Now, the mother left my son and I have had no contact with her in 4 months. I may never see her again. It hurts like hell; the worse loss of love is losing a helpless child. I need to get out, but I don’t know where to go. I think I have given up. That scares me. I had a face lift, spent thousands on looking younger, but what you feel inside appears on the outside. I used to think “if I were pretty enough, smart enough”, but it’s not about that. I still don’t know what people are looking for and maybe they are scared also. I’m on Facebook, send me a message for friendship and communication. I haven’t given dating a thought in years. That’s not what this is about, not now. I just need a friend to share and possibly we can support one another in our circumstances. Thank you all for reading; sorry it’s so long. My first time at this… Thank you all so much. awells4202 this is my channel, that links to Facebook and my e-mail.
Hi Denise, I understand your plight. It’s easy to meet people and make “friends” simply by checking out the senior activities within your area. I see an 80-year-old lady in my street sitting in the sun every morning waiting for the 11.30 mini-bus to take her to whichever club/café the local seniors are meeting at for lunch (or dinner). Alternatively there are lawn bowl clubs and bingo afternoons… stuff that I personally have no interest in. Wouldn’t care to muck out Pat’s goat house either. I believe ladies need company more so than we guys because blokes are, in essence, “lone wolves” and mainly come together for sport and boozing. I abhor both activities as I feel no need to compete or to get blasted out of my gourd on beer and bollocks… so where does that leave me? Well, at the moment I am getting into 1950s French cinema and revisiting my old 1970s Little Feat albums as I play FreeCell on my computer in the evenings. Might even pump up some jazz. Great life, huh? My cats think I am crazy… I think they may be right. But just scout around and do a little detective work. Ask a few people and they’re bound to point the the way to a senior’s centre in your local area. Good luck. You’re still a youngster at 60… I will be 64 in 2 months. Oh my God, I sound like an old Beatles tune.
Cheers,
~Jack
Jack, I dont know why you would say, you wouldnt care to help muck out the ladies goat pen. In life its always nice to help people and do something for somebody else.
It is only by doing that , life may give you an unexpected joy along the way.
I would love to help her and meet her especially after reading some of her comments.
If you want a friend- first you must be one.
Just a thought for the day. Enjoy your music.
Hi Mary, Well.. of course I’d help Pat with her mucking out the goat pen. Hey, I’m a helpful guy.. perhaps my key to happiness lies in a mound of goat poop.. who knows? Mind you, since I live in Sydney Australia I’d be needing a broom with a super-long handle in order to reach her goats… I’ll just have to help her out in spirit, I guess, as my jet-setting days are long gone.
~Jack
Jack,
You remind me of my ex boyfriend of 13 years. He is 20 years older than I am and is going through the same thing as you are. However, I WAS a lot like your ex wife was to him. I have grown a lot and feel a lot of regret from it too. The reason that we are not still together is both of our faults though. He will not take any of the blame for some reason though. He really changed to someone completely opposite than he used to be when we were still together too. Most of it was due to my drinking and our age difference. He had to do the same thing with me as you did in your marriage. We managed to remain good friends as we are all each other has at this point. However, there is no “in love” feeling left and we now have little in common other than both being alone without any friends. I never thought that my life would be this way and neither did he. I am almost 50 and no longer drink. However, I also have no friends or family close by at all. I am an attractive woman and also very outgoing. What is strange is that although everyone liked me better sober, everyone left me when I finally got sober. I am a lot less picky than I used to be. All as I want is for a person who takes care of himself, is good to me and doesn’t drink. Well, the only men who ask me out are the people that I just described.I often wonder how I even attract these types. When I drank, I had no issue finding good men whatsoever. None of it makes sense. It is a very lonely place to be in life. I completely understand everyone on here.
nice one Jack I wish I lived in America and could visit you all!!
I live in Bournemouth a sea side town in UK but am Irish, why do American people come across as for more friendly than English people, they are so reserved that causes me a problem of saying well I feel a bit lonely please invite me over. I don’t feel I have the confidence to ask anyone on my course over to my place, as it might make me look needy!
Denise , likewise but hey we can do that now. Be friends i mean. I too have a big heart and make a life long friend.
How say you?
Hi- My life is very content at present, but I went through a very long period of being miserable. A bad breakup and crash. I started volunteering at a homeless shelter. Every week, I would work there, and do my best to make the lives of some REALLY miserable people a little better. It helped me appreciate all the many gifts life has thrown my way, and it really helped. Plus, you can meet some great people and make a new friend or two. Good Luck. A
Hi A – thanks for the tips
You have so much to offer!!! Are you kidding, you are an animal lover, have oodles of patience and Grace, take your responsibilities very seriously, put others first, and yet your have low self esteem! Jack, get out there man, you are a fine gentleman, and cultured too!
Gosh, there are lots of girls who prefer books/ movies/ cat kind of guy. I’m one! I’m happily married to another books/ music/ cat guy…..they rock! We fell in love online. He’s a fantastic writer, and snagged my heart before I ever saw his face. Most people assume I’m a shallow California girl type, but all I do is read, listen to music and watch movies!!!!!!! Try online connections. Your personality and essence will shine. And leave the macho acho guys to the sports bar. Any girl worth the weight in salt looks deeper…..and the right girl for you is out there!!!!!
Oh my gosh, Jack. I so hear you. My husband passed away last October and here I sit. I have no life, no kids, no real friends. I just turned 64 three days ago. I’m a movie, music, books kinda person, like you. My cats are feral working girls who keep the rat population down in the barn. I’ve given up having a life or ever feeling better. Please respond to me. Maybe we can be friends — weird pen pal sorta friends. I live in Florida. I am relating to something everyone said. I am a loser with a heart of gold but no one to love. I believed all the horrible things I was told about myself growing up. I know now they’re not true but I’m old, fat and ugly with limited energy now. God bless us all.
So hi Jack did read as what you say…had some tough times on this..living inside yourself will make you explode. Hey why I answered is simple, by any chance is your home base New England, better Ct. for it is mine? Thought how you spoke was REAL>
Hi Barbara,
Welcome to the blog. I suspect you are new but this blog isn’t intended as a place to meet either romantic or platonic friends. I’ve asked people to not include any identifying information to protect them from spammers and others with less than pure motives. Please be cautious on this and any other internet site.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Irene S. Levine
Hi Jack,
It’s 12:30 in the morning and I am sitting here at my computer, drinking tea and smoking a cigarette (yes I smoke but have to stop I know).
I am a 57-year old woman who is so lonely I feel like I’m going insane. It’s not that I don’t have a family (well, I have no parents or cousins or aunts or uncles, but I do have 4 children, the youngest of whom is 12 years old — will be 13 in November). My 25-year old son’s wife just died last week of a brain aneurysm. I didn’t attend the funeral because no one picked me up and I didn’t have money for a cab at the time. My son had told my 31-year old daughter to “make sure you pick up mom”, but she never did. It just amazes me that someone could not have come by and just picked me up. I wanted so badly to be there for my son, who is in such pain right now. The day she died, my son and his two little children were here for two days, along with my daughter but after that, I didn’t hear from them until the day of the funeral at 3 p.m. when my daughter called to say “can you get an Uber ride”? She knows I don’t have the type of phone that I can download the Uber app, so I can’t use Uber! It’s been a really lonely week. I wanted to be there for my son in his grief, but it seems that no on needs me.
I was adopted when I was 6 months old by an older couple. My “mother” (and I use that term loosely) was a terrible woman who never loved me (that’s true — she only loved my younger adopted sister). My adoptive father beat me more than several times. Even my “sister” remembers when we were in the tub and she saw the bruises. Even though he did that, though, I knew he loved me. My mother didn’t, but I knew my dad did. He just lived with a terrible, mean woman who controlled him as well as everyone else. When I was older and married, my dad was the only one who was there for me. When my dad died (I was 31 yrs old), I was devastated. I still miss him. When “mother” died two years ago, she left me and my 4 children NOTHING in her will. She owned 3 condos and had quite a bit of money.
I married young (age 21) and had my first child at age 23. My husband was a compulsive gambler who ended up stealing all the money I made working at the law firm as a secretary. Not only that, but he did beat me up on 3 occasions. I don’t know why, but I stayed with him. He and my children were my only real “family” and I so wanted to keep the family together. In hindsight, I realize that I should have left him after my second child, but hindsight is 20/20, as they say. Long story short, we divorced after being married for 14 years and he died 14 years ago of a brain tumor.
I never remarried, but have had a couple of relationships. As of today, I haven’t been in a relationship with a man for 13-14 years; haven’t even dated or had sex (which sometimes drives me crazy).
My oldest son lives in NY and my only daughter lives about 1/2 hour away from me. I got into a car accident in April and my car was totaled. I did get money for it, but it was a 2005 and not worth enough for me to get another car. I didn’t want to get a car for $1500 that would break down in a month. My second son (whom I mentioned above) just lost his 25-year old wife from a brain aneurysm. My youngest son will be 13 on November 4th.
I have no friends. I moved to Florida in 1999 and lived there for 10 years — there’s a long backstory there that is too long to get into. Long story short, I moved back to Massachusetts in 2007. I have no friends. I live in the housing projects (my 12-year old and I were actually in a homeless shelter for a year before moving in here in 2009).
I hate the fact that I grew up with a lot of money, never really wanting for anything (except love, which I didn’t get), and now I am 57 and living in the projects! How depressing is that!! I do suffer from clinical depression but am taking Prozac and it seems to help. I can be very sociable as I like to talk to people, but I don’t have any friends. The only people I talk to are the ones who work at the supermarket I go to and a few of my neighbors rarely. I remember when I was younger and did have some friends (though not many, because my husband didn’t want me to have friends (which I now realize was a huge red flag for me, but I was too young to see it then). I love music, love to dance, love playing board games and charades, and love to have fun, but don’t drink alcohol.
I stopped by here tonight because I am so disappointed that my daughter didn’t pick me up for the funeral, or at least arrange for a ride. My son had told her to make sure I got there. But I was thinking that someone, anyone, could have come by and gotten me. I feel like I don’t matter at all and would definitely take two bottles of Valium (which I have accumulated because they are prescribed, but I never really take them) if it weren’t for my 12-year old son. His father is not the same as the father of my other three children. I had a relationship with a man in Florida and, at aged 43, got pregnant. I don’t believe in abortion (for me, but I do believe women should have that choice). I love my son Evan so much. Evan’s father “Tim” shot himself in the head on Evan’s fourth birthday. He was suffering from depression. My son Evan is autistic but highly functioning and you would never know he was autistic if you met him. He’s awesome. He always tells me that I’m the best mom in the world. I love him SO MUCH. If it weren’t for him though, i would definitely leave this earth.
I am tired, I am weary, I am sad. I don’t want to be alone like this for the rest of my life. I talk to my dog because I have to talk to someone, and I’m very close to him (a little white bichon-frise named Frasier (after my favorite TV show) but called “Fuzzy”. Actually, the most pleasure I get is from watching “Frasier” reruns. I love Kelsey Grammer and David Hyde-Pierce — the whole cast, for that matter! I just love that show and think it is SO funny. I do laugh out loud when I watch it.
It’s just so hard sometimes to get through life. Life should not be something you “have to get through”. Aren’t you supposed to enjoy life? I vaguely remember what that feels like. I was seeing a counselor, but she left her place of work, and I have yet to get a new one. Without a car, it is a real pain since I hate taking public transportation. But I realize that I need to talk to someone and may just have to take the bus or train to get to them because my life depends on it!
I keep thinking of that Beatles song “Eleanor Rigby”. “Ah — look at all the lonely people.” “Eleanor Rigby died in a church and was buried along with her name — nobody came.” That will probably be me.
I am filled with anger over my so-called “adoptive mother” leaving me and my children out of her will and the fact that my younger adopted sister (who I never got along with) got EVERYTHING — the condos, the money, the cars, everything!! She never left home and still lived at home at age 51 when my mother died. Now she just married some dude and he’s living in their 3-bedroom condo. When my son and I were homeless (he was 5 at the time), my mother wouldn’t even let us stay there because “Susan” – the wicked witch evil sister — didn’t want us to. She doesn’t like any “changes in her routine.”
So I have all this hatred inside of me toward Susan and my dead “mother” (who I hope is burning in hell if there is a hell) and also am extremely lonely — it hurts so much sometimes. I used to do medical transcription from home, but I haven’t found a job since I’ve come back to Mass. (I am on SSD because of my depression and have been for 9 years).
I just feel like a mistake. Actually, I was a mistake. I found out that my real mother at aged 15 was raped by her stepfather and I was the result of that. I was in some kind of orphanage or something until 6 months old when my “parents” adopted me. I feel very close to my children because they are my only biological relatives and I love them so much; but what did I do wrong? Why hasn’t my daughter (who does have some mental health issues but no one would ever know) called me in almost a month? I miss her daughter (my granddaughter), who used to come here all the time.
I just want to take those two bottles of pills and sleep and not wake up.
I’m sorry – you probably think I’m some crazy woman — maybe I am. I just feel SO ALONE that it physically hurts.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING.
Peace
Hi Janice,
So sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad and alone. Your note suggests that your situation is quite complicated and that you would benefit from help and support to get you back on your feet. You need to do that for your son and yourself!
It struck me that you say in your note: “I realize that I need to talk to someone and may just have to take the bus or train to get to them because my life depends on it!”
I hope you will reach out for professional supports in your local community.
Of course, if you feel so despondent that you are thinking about giving up, contact a suicide hotline immediately.
• A free 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) is available to people in crisis (or their loved ones) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are routed to local crisis centers.
• In the UK or Ireland, Samaritans offers confidential support at 08457 90 90 90.
My best, Irene
Hang in there Janice. I too know what it feels like not wanting to wake up in the morning and also not having anyone to talk too.
But you have a son who really, really needs you. He’s in his formative years and those teens years are just ahead. There is nothing you can do to change your past but good things could be coming your way, you just can’t see them right now. Sending you good vibes and hoping transportation issues will be resolved. Sorry you couldn’t attend the funeral. That’s a head shaker but then death and funerals can just have a weird effect on people.
Just wanted to say I too am a big fan of Frasier – watching reruns now. How ironic that he has money, career and lots of things going for him and he can’t help himself or find true love. We probably aren’t aware that each of us have burdens we carry. We all stumble along this bumpy road of life and when one of us falls hopefully there will someone to pick us up although some days I feel people are just stepping over me and don’t even hear me – ha! Best wishes for you and your family.
Hi Janice…I just read your blog and you sound like a very intelligent and worthwhile person. Don’t ever take those pills you’re talking about. There’s nothing crazy about feeling that way, but just please don’t do it. I’m going to be alone again this thanksgiving. I’m not going to my sister’s house in New York, because her son (my nephew), stole alot of money from her while she was in the hospital and my other nephew never helps her. Unfortunately, that’s how she raised them. They could never do any wrong. Well she’s wrong and I just can’t stand being around them. Sooooo, here I sit alone!!! (THERE’S A SPACE, BUT MORE TO READ)
I have a few friends, but no one goes out of their way to support me when I’m so down and out. I would stand on my head and go out of my way to help a friend, even a stranger in need, but no one seems to care enough to do that for me.
I’m very sad about this right now. People seem to forget that they too have felt like this before and should not look down on someone else or back away from them, when they could show a little love and support to make somebody else’s day a little happier. Isn’t it a shame?? Yes, Janice, I know what it feels like to feel so lonely that it physically hurts!!!
I feel that way right now. I LIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS TOO. I LIVE IN PLAINVILLE, MA. I would love it if you blogged back to me and I’m open to new friendships. What do you think??
I hope you start feeling a little better because as I said you sound like a real neat person and I would be so sad if you checked out, even though I don’t know you (yet). My name is similar to yours. My name is Janet Hope to hear from you dear!
While the exchange of personal information is not permitted on this blog, if Janet or Janice (or anyone else) wants to meet each other (ladies only), this is a reminder that there is a Facebook page where you can post your request: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/
Best, Irene
I CANT BELIEVE IT…I JUST ANSWERED YOUR BLOG A MINUTE AGO AND IT NEVER SHOWED UP. BUMMER. YOU SOUND LIKE A VERY INTELLIGENT AND DECENT PERSON. I’M SO SORRY YOU FEEL THE WAY YOU DO, BUT OH HOW I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE CAN DO TO YA!!! I’M HURTING REAL BAD RIGHT NOW. AS YOU SAID, IT EVEN HURTS PHYSICALLY!!!
UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE A VERY DISFUNCTIONAL FAMILY. WITHOUT GOING INTO IT AT THE MOMENT…THEY TAKE EVERYTHING I HAVE TO GIVE AND THEY’RE THOUGHTLESS WHEN IT COMES TO STANDING BY ME.
I’LL BE ALONE THIS THANKSGIVING AND EVEN THOUGH I HAVE SOME FRIENDS, THEY TOO HAVE NOT GONE THAT EXTRA MILE FOR ME AT THIS TIME, EVEN THOUGH I’VE BEEN THERE MANY TIMES FOR THEM.
DON’T YOU JUST LOVE “ONE WAY STREET” PEOPLE???? ANYWAYS, JANICE, I LIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS TOO. I LIVE IN PLAINVILLE
MASS. AND I’M OPEN TO NEW FRIENDSHIPS. I WOULD LIKE IT IF
YOU BLOGGED BACK TO ME. YOU SOUND LIKE A VERY NICE
PERSON. IT WOULD BE SO SAD IF YOU EVER TOOK THOSE PILLS. I
DON’T THINK YOU’RE CRAZY FOR FEELING THAT WAY…YOU’RE HURTING, PEOPLE HURT AND GET DESPERATE. HOPE YOU BLOG BACK TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER. MAY YOU’RE DAY BE A LOVING ONE.
LOVE YOURSELF!!!! MY NAME IS JANET
I JUST DON’T GET IT. I WROTE YOU 2 BLOGS AND NEITHER WERE POSTED HERE. YOU MIGHT BE MISSING A LOT OF ANSWERS TO YOUR BLOG BECAUSE IT’S NOT WORKING RIGHT. IT’S KINDA HARD TO WRITE WHAT I WROTE ALL OVER AGAIN BECAUSE THIS IS THE THIRD TIME.
I LIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS TOO. MY NAME IS JANET, AND I’M LOOKING TO MEET NEW FRIENDS. I KNOW WHERE YOU’RE COMING FROM.
PEOPLE CAN BE SO INSENSITIVE. THEY FORGET WHEN THEY NEEDED HELP, BUT SHOULDN’T FORGET AND BE COMPASSIONATE ENOUGH TO TRY
AND MAKE SOMEONE ELSE’S DAY A HAPPIER ONE. TO ME, THAT’S WHAT
REALLY COUNTS IN LIFE. I’LL BE ALONE THIS THANKSGIVING BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY DISFUNCTIONAL FAMILY THAT I DON’T WANT TO BE AROUND AND OH AM I HURTING. I ALSO LIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS AND LOOKING TO MAKE SOME NEW AND HAPPIER FRIENDSHIPS. PLEASE BLOG BACK TO ME AND LET’S TALK. I DON’T THINK YOU’RE CRAZY FOR THINKING ABOUT THOSE PILLS YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT…BUT PLEASE DON’T DO IT. YOU SOUND LIKE A VERY DECENT AND INTELLIGENT PERSON. I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU AND WISHING YOU A GOOD DAY DEAR. PEACE TO YOU TOO.
Dear Janet,
I have left you a reply earlier, I deeply hope it will help.
I am from England.
Best wishes,
Tan
Oh my god Janice you sound just like me! My mother was so mean even though she was my real mother. She favored my middle sister and younger brother and treated the rest of us like crap!! (There’s 5 of us). She is the most selfish person on this earth!! My parents won the cash lotto, sold their house and gambled ALL their money away and had NOTHING for gambling everything away. Now their old and expect us to take care of them. That will be the day. The ones she favored are going to have to take care of her because the rest of us WILL NOT!! You don’t treat someone like crap and expect them to help you out!! Not in my book!! I hope you write back to me, I have more to tell you but it’s getting late and hope to hear from you!!
I have no friends, many acquaintance with whom I share the weather political situation ect. Frankly many of them just like to hear themselves talk without having any thought of actually knowing what they talking about. I am shy but thinking is my favorite past time. There must be a few people out there who do not like sports, shopping, inane TV shows and the like. I am in trouble, its been so long since I have talked to someone I am in danger of losing any social grace which was tenuous to begin with regarding a simple conversation. I have to get out of this house but have no idea where to go. I am not dead yet and I still have something to offer if I could find someone who would except it. I need a friend desperately but have no Idea how to find one. It didn’t used to be a problem but the few I had are all dead now. I forgot how I did it.
Valerie for some reason I have came across your sign for a friend and read your story, OMG you sound like me and I just could not belive it. its like I wrote it myself. I to wish i could be more open and make a friend or too, but the people that i come in contact with are mostly not worth trying to get to know. i AM 51 AND i have maybe 3 friends my whole life except my family all 5 of us are still living and thank god I have them anyway if you like to talk sometimes I would love that.
Hi Tenia,
Thank you for your comments. I am glad you still have your family and have a good relationship with them. I am 72y/o and have about 20 years on you however I would love to talk with you. Except for this site I don’t know a way to manage it. So drop me a line and we can chat. I also sometimes go to a website called “senior chatters” email is seniorchatters.co.uk google it. Look forward to talking with you.
Val
You sound like such a lovely person. I don’t know if we have enough in common to be friends, but I pray you find true friends and God bless you.
Hi Valerie. I only found this site today so its good to actually talk to someone. I chose to talk to you. I too do not know how to meet new friends. I wonder why that is. I am someone who not only is expected to help out but I keep offering to the point that its very tiring doing so much. If I didn’t help, I’d hardly speak to a soul.I dream of getting all dressed up and going out with a ‘friend’,for dinner or a drink and a chat. I see people going out together of an evening and envy them so much.I’m 65 tomorrow and have nothing planned. Wouldn’t a room full of loving friends be amazing? I’ll never give up hope of some kind of friendship though. Someone who we can rely on each other. If I knew you, I wouldn’t hesitate to invite you round for coffee. Don’t you give up either Val. You never know! Take care.x
Happy Birthday a day early, Fran!
Ahh thank you Laura.
I already wrote my paragraph,I’m retired UsArmy,misdiagnosed with PPD,I had post partum thyroiditis,a far cry of a difference.I was pre-med to become an Orthopedic Surgeon,only to have a baby,get misdiagnosed and thrown out for crazy.I wasn’t crazy,I saw my childhood doctor,as soon as he put me on thyroid medicine,I began to function again,completely,yet@95yrs he retired,I get sent to the VA they once again decide I’m crazy,38yrs of shame,humiliation,called and treated as a freak(by family,friends,neighbors) I have no life.I exist.my problem,I’ve been exonerated of the mental issues,yet,I was never permitted to volunteer,work,go to school so people in my neighborhood considered me a bum,in spite of being cleared,NO ONE WILL ACKNOWLEDGE I EVEN EXIST.I HAVE ZERO FRIENDS.
I DONT EVEN WANT TO GO OUTSIDE,I DONT KNOW HOW TO RECOVER MY LIFE,IM 61,/no skills.
Sorry, I was trying only to help. I know you’re upset, but your second post didn’t clarify anything for me (for instance I still don’t understand when you retired. It sounds more like a medical discharge to me, but I have never been in the military, so excuse me for my ignorance). If you were discharged 38 years ago, how did they refuse to let you go to school or volunteer since then? I can’t see how it’s any of their business what you do now. Am I missing something here? I definitely do not understand. But never mind. Best wishes for getting your life on track.
I’ve been reading some of your posts and hope it isn’t just open to women.I’m married with children I don’t have no real friendships outside my family. I live on a small farm in Canada. I keep active by working on trails and cutting wood on my farm. I like to walk a lot and hunt. The thing I see most here is that no one seems to have any type of hobby. Sitting in the house would drive me nuts. As a person with no friends I don’t feel lonely I just do my own thing.
Hey, John – but you’re not on your own, as some people are. You have a family, a wife and children, who care about you. Not everybody has that. Some of us have no family whatsoever. I am very busy, have many hobbies that interest me greatly, and a full-time job, but no family at all, and would really like a good friend to meet up with from time to time. And some people have health issues as well, which restricts what they can do.
I’m a 63 year old woman and need friends so bad. I do not have any at all. if anyone lives around Canton , Ga . I would love to meet you
HI Becky, I’m, 61 and have no friends. I’m from D.C. and can’t mesh with women from the south at all. I’m from D.C., the mid atlantic south and women from the the south have shunned me. I’m lonely beyond belief. I dont know where Canton is at this point, but I’ll figure it out. Just would like someone to have lunch with, look forward to seeing occasionally, someone to at least pretend to have some interest if I die. Canton might be too far, but I could plan a day trip. You know, like meeting at the zoo at the giraffe cages or something. i used to be a vibrant women with never this issue. So I don’t know how to handle this, kinda stuck. Life completely turned around on me. Wanna meet? Too scared I get it. Me too really. I used to work for the US justice dept, civil rights in D.C.
Hope you care enuf to say at least not interested or something. Bye
Denise,
I feel the same way. I am from Philadelphia and moved to Georgia 12 yrs ago and did not think I wouldn’t have any friends. am married with no kids but would still like to have some girlfriends to talk to. [EMAIL ADDRESS MOVED BY MODERATOR PER THE TERMS OF SERVICE OF THIS WEBSITE. IF YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO WANTS TO CONNECT WITH WOMEN FROM THIS BLOG, SEE: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/%5D
Hi Anne,
Thanks for responding. I have just about given up. I have a plan to move back to DC or MD in about a year and a half. I’d rather be with a crazy family that Im not that close with than this. But this plan is a bugger to execute being retired and all, but I’ll see. again, thanks for the hello. Felt good as I just quit a 42 yr smoking habit.
Congrats on quitting!!!
I’m 61,retired UsArmy,and completely void of family,friends,acquaintances;just a lot of people who seem to think I don’t exist.I was misdiagnosed 38yrs ago by the military with PPD after having a baby;I had post partum thyroiditis,a world of difference.I was retired,they called me crazy,YET my old childhood doctor knew what was wrong.As soon as I started the thyroid medicine,I was better,he retired@95/sending me to the VA where once again,diagnosed as crazy,in 2011,it was found I’m hyperparathyroid HYPERTHYROID(GRAVES disease) NOW people have treated me as a freak, FOR 38 yrs.I’m free of the wrong diagnosis YET,I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LIVE since people refuse to accept me.I was denied work,or volunteer status making me without marketable skills and I’m 61.
I’ve prayed and forgiven my neighbors who are cruel YET I don’t want to go out in the world anymore since I feel I have no purpose.
Sorry, I’m a little confused. You have a child and possibly a partner? That’s two more people than some of us have, so you’ve probably already got one or possibly two people who care about you!
I’m unclear about when you retired. Was it just recently? Or was it 38 years ago? If it was just recently, then you must have a military pension and you must have some marketable skills from the job you were doing in the military all that time. Don’t sell yourself short!
I live in Canada and maybe volunteering is different in the US (where I assume that you live?) But people don’t get diagnosed as “crazy” up here and not be allowed to volunteer to help others. If I had a lot of free time, I would volunteer with the local food bank or animal rescues.
We all get treated as freaks to some extent. The trick is to shrug it off! What most people think of us is completely unimportant. They don’t matter. You know that you’re a good and valuable person. Try to build on that.
Good luck to you! Hang in there!
Pat
Becky ,
I work in roswell maybe we can talk , not sure how you connect on this website.
Hi Anne,
The site isn’t set up to connect people with each other. Rather it is educational, to help people understand the range of friendship problems that are so common. If you want to connect with individuals, you can join a closed Facebook group, see: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/
There are also other internet sites that are oriented towards making new friends, like Meetup.com/
Best, Irene
John D. says:
February 22, 2015 at 8:41 am
I hope I have not over stepped my bounds. I just thought I would stick up for all the people being alienated and marginalized on this site.
UMMMM….What the What? It seems this page is designed to alienate, downgrade, and isolate people, yet that is not what you propose as its purpose by discouraging real life interaction.
I have lived a life where I believed in Goverment and it let me down. I believed in Capitalism and it let me down. I believed in Family and it let me down. I believed in Church and it has let me down over and over. I believed in finding hope on the web and, yes you have let me down.
So, I see this is a site for women, sorry about being a guy and all, but my entire life has been wanting to be helpful and useful. Getting smacked down and marginalized. Having any good systematically destroyed by people with no enlightenment and then cast away as so much trash.
I relate to these people in the comments section who are just looking for somebody to interact in a meaningful life and of the original article.
I don’t feel it is appropriate to say the site when life meaning is brought forward is to not allow interaction, since that is ultimately how we as a people become unmarginalized and re-enfranchised and are brought back into society as a whole and given meaning.
Our interaction encourages, and our apathy destroys.
Just another quote from “Brainy Smurf” and a be on your worthless way is of no help to any of these people.
Well, I’ve spoken my peace.
John
I agree with you. Interesting a young kid 17 has said shes thinking of taking her life- but not one word.
Yet we adults are told we can not decide if we want to be friends via our own details UMM indeed.
Hi Becky, I’m 61 and live in Lawerenceville–not all that far from Canton, with Roswell inbetween. [E-mail address has been deleted by moderator. If you want to communicate with people, please do so through The Friendship Connection Facebook page.]
Just wanted to say, :” Hello” to all of you ladies. I am interested in making friends as well. I am a 43 year old, stay at home mom, with absolutely no one but my husband, and twin five year olds. I get extremely lonely, and feel like such a misfit with pretty much everyone. Not sure why that is. I haven’t really ever had a friend, and I am willing to try:D Maybe things can look up in this aspect of my life. The loneliness is absolutely overwhelming. Also, we moved and live in very rural country now, which has really made things much more difficult. Just wanted to say hi:D
yes I have a loving family to around same age and also moved here don’t know anyone really isolated and yes very lonely no friends here and sometimes you think did I ever do the right thing by moving well no that was my biggest mistake in life I would say as that’s when thyings went down hill a bit and then had to climb back up as you do well what I can say I can make a good honest friend I do love writing and love to hear from you nice to think im not only one who doesn’t know anyone in new area take it easy catch you soon Sharon please write back I will reply thanks
cheryl,
I read your story, and yes, you can make online friends, and video chat. That way you won’t be exposed to chemicals, and you could actually see, and talk with someone. It probably isn’t the same as human to human, but it would help you not to feel so alone. Google online friends…I am sure there are tons of sites.
Vive is one free video chat option with which I’m familiar:
https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/vive-using-technology-connect-real-people/
Best, Irene
Hi,
I am not certain why I am writing, because I think my situation is pretty hopeless. I, also, am not certain, if this is where these comments are supposed to be written. Should I be directing these to Irene, instead? I don’t know where to do that.
I am 69 (in 6 days), chronically ill with many health issues), live alone, have no friends or family, and am afraid of dying alone, not to be discovered until weeks after, as one of my neighbors, recently, was. He was not discovered until odor emanated from his house.
Although I have had some really good long-term friendships (10-25 years) in the past, they are all gone now. Despite a life-time history of severe depression (brutally violent childhood), I have managed to survive by hiding and controlling time spent with others, making excuses. Most of my close friends have known of my depression issues but have never really experienced them, since I learned to fake it or distract myself, temporarily.
My life was very active until about the age of 30. As the years progressed, I spent more time alone, including living alone, most of the time. I never married, had children or any siblings. I lost count of the number of therapists that I saw–some were incompetent, some damaging, some just couldn’t help.
I was a gorgeous woman, very intelligent, great sense of humor, very funny and entertaining. When I was 65, I was still good looking, looked in my late 40’s. Once my body started failing and I lost a great deal of weight, I now am unattractive and look in my 80’s–and am no longer the same person. The extreme physical change happened in only 6 months! I can’t even pretend to be okay. I never go out (am not supposed to drive, and am not taking care of myself.
4 people who were in my life have bailed on me, over the last 3 years. I am not, exactly, fun to be around, partly because of the people who have been so cruel to me–ones that claimed to love and care about me. A best friend of 22 years dumped me. She was going to find a home for my cats, when I could no longer care for them, be my health power of attorney, take care of my death arrangements–she cancelled all that in a brief email, including our long-term friendship (like a Dear John letter from a thoughtless teenager). Concerned that I may die or become incapacitated, I, also, gave her $14,000 to give to whoever homed my wonderful cats and in appreciation for her assistance. She never returned a dime, after breaking all her commitments. I need the money, badly for the many health problems I have. In addition, everything that could go wrong has.
My therapist even bailed, not knowing how to help me. Even though many may think I am unnecessarily whining or have a distorted view of my life, he told me, in reality, my life sucks–not all my fault–just terrible luck. He said he has never seen anyone with so many bad things happening and with no resources or support system to help. My cousin, who thought of me as the sister she never had, also bailed–tired of all my problems. Another female cousin, who was to be my personal rep for my will, and my financial power of attorney, also bailed. My doctor, who is not very sensitive, is not helping me. I was burglarized 3 times last year–all my portable valuables stolen (at least $55,000 worth)–no insurance coverage. My old house is literally falling apart, as is my old car. Both of my cats are very ill, and I can barely take care of them. I forget to feed them and give them medicine–but there is no one to help or take over their care–a shelter will kill them. Lots more–but that’s enough.
I spend almost the entire day in bed.
I also have some vascular dementia (similar course as Alzheimer’s), so have difficulty focusing and get easily confused–am not computer savvy, either. I am terrified about my future–of ending in a home, eventually, on medicaid, completely alone, possibly abused or a victim of theft (my state has a terrible reputation for assisted living/nursing homes–worse than most), unless I die in my home first. I, also, have very little money and may go bankrupt, soon. I will be spending my birthday, alone and again, as I have for many years, along with holidays. When I was younger and healthier, being alone did not bother me so much–it’s so different now.
I know that these comments were way too long. I apologize for being so verbose, but with no one to talk to, except myself (I spend a lot of time doing that–but don’t hear voices!), I needed to express at least some of my problem to people who may read and listen, at least in part–if you weren’t turned off by my extreme neediness. Unfortunately, most people don’t want to hear of so many problems. It is incredibly overwhelming and to many, boring!
Hi Pat,
I’ve responded to your post here: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/homebound-senior-feels-hopeless/
I hope it offers you a few useful suggestions and first steps.
Warm regards, Irene
pat, you hang in there.
you are not alone
Hi pat
So sorry to hear about your current situation. Consider me your new friend. I have few friends myself. None close. I am an extremely kind loyal and faithful character and I always expected that in friends. Guess that’s why I have no close friends. I also had some childhood trauma so I can relate to you. Please writ back. Smile
50 and no friends. New city for 4 years now, the closest person ‘friend’ is avail for coffee but won’t invite me to anything else. Out for the evening, watching games or movies at home, normal girl time, dinner parties or just get togethers. We have tons in common, I’m interesting, but nothing. Haven’t clicked with anyone else ..just no one. Giving up. It’s exhausting, frustrating and extremely hurtful. Always talks about parties in front of me , asks me for party suggestions …but doesn’t invite me. So hurtful.
That IS hurtful and so incredibly insensitive of your “friend” to do that. Unless she doesn’t know that you don’t get asked to parties and have yet to make friends in your new city. SO many people appear to be completely devoid of empathy, in my opinion, and seem completely incapable of looking at anything from any perspective other than their own. I suppose you’ve tried all the usual club things. At least in a city you have access to these things, and maybe you’ll click with somebody else? Say, could you throw a party perhaps? Have a barbeque? People would normally return the favour, right? Good luck to you.
Hi Lisa
Same here. In need of social activities and friends. You are not alone. Let’s keep in touch
Where do you live? I am always looking for new friends.
I live in fulton county, about 6 miles from Hartsfield airport. I have a car I can drive anywhere.
Well if you would like to talk let me know how we could connect. I work in Roswell.
I have a fight with my friend It is I’m really unforgivable my friend won’t forgive me and make other friends getting away from me.. When I had to teamwork with friends no one would teamwork with me … when I’m in class they never say a word to me .. I’m so lonely in the class .. I can’t take this anymore .. I said “I’m sorry” many times and she doesn’t forgive me .. when we have a fight she had a trouble in social media and the trouble is really big .. but she blame me on all of that.. she said if I’m the one who makes them fight , yes I should say if she was fighting with My close friend .. but why she blaming me ? I don’t even know if she has a fight with my friend and now she said if I am really Unforgivable , I don’t know what to do anymore.. even if I say sorry she won’t forgive me and I think if I had a fight with her .. i will have no friends in class … I already said if that is nothing to do with me but she always said if I’m lying and never want to hear my explanation .. this is really hurting me , can you give me an advice to make my friend forgive me?
Dear.. -Ichigo-
I confess that I am a little confused and baffled by your message, and can’t figure out who’s been fighting with whom. You fought with a female friend over something? Or she had a fight with a close friend of yours, for which she is blaming you? Saying sorry never really cut it with me either. Maybe you need to make it up to her. Do something nice for her perhaps, or maybe for the other people in the class whom you may also have offended (is that why they won’t team up with you?) What did you do that has people upset? Or what do they think that you did? If you didn’t do it, is there any way that you can prove your innocence? I think I’d have to know what you did before I could give you any advice about how to make your friend forgive you. I think it depends on what you did.
Best of luck, hope it works out for you.
Good afternoon ladies. Wow, I thought I was the only one. I had many friends for a long time. Then, 9 years ago I got really sick. Unfortunately, I will never get better. I can’t be in most public situations because I also developed MCS, allergic to just about everything. I was always the one to do things for EVERYONE. But, when I got sick, everyone disappeared!!. So, I sit home every day, nothing to do, too much pain to do too much. My daughter is very busy with my grand kids, so I only see her maybe every couple of weeks, but, we never do anything together. So, I just sit, desperately trying to think of things to do. Allergic to paper, ink, rubber, plastic, most foods, and a million more things. So reading, jigsaw puzzles, etc are out of the question. I haven’t heard from ANY of my friends in over 9 yesrs. Family is mostly gone or dead. And the winters here are 7 months long and very cold. I try to stay positive for my grand kids. But, knowing I will be alone forever really sucks. There is no way to meet anyone to share my life with. I can’t even go to church, perfume and hairspray, lotion, anything can make me go into shock. How in Gods name am I ever going to meet anyone. I used to have such a full life. Now, being disabled has truly disabled my life. I live out of town, so I can’t even get cable television…lol…I wake up just to look forward to going to bed. Funny, I am not depressed. Just mad as hell that the wonderful life I had is gone. I can’t name one friend that has even called me in the last 4 years. My phone doesn’t ring, my mailbox stays empty. I would bend over backwards to help my friends and anyone else that needed it. But when the situation was reversed, I was on my own. I am 52, doctors said I wouldn’t make it to 47. When I do see my doctor I always tell him, “sure, I will live to be 100 just so I can suffer”.. He thinks I am joking. Summer is a little better for being alone, at least I can go outside..Does anyone have any suggestions for a way to meet people when if you happen across any chemical, like hand lotion, anything, it could kill me?. And please, don’t say FaceBook, I hate it. everyone on it is phoney. No, I don’t get sick from the “smell”, I am actually allergic to the chemicals in everything because of several surgeries I had to have. Grateful for any suggestions…Also, I am college educated, not lazy, and love the outdoors, when I can go outside….
Hi Cheryl,
I also cannot relate to facebook. Useless to me. Please know that I have so many similarities to you. I am 70, about to be divorced and Never see old friends. My husband and his new girlfriend seem to be so much more attractive to them. I hate going alone to places or, worse, to go to events where the two of them appear as the new couple. We were married for 48 years. I am brutally lonely . I am now isolating just to emotionally get by.
I love the outdoors, except for biting cold and high humidity. If you would like to correspond, just let me know.
Liz
Hello
I too am a lonely person with no friends.
I presently am recovering from a problem in my back caused by bending over to pick something up and I heard something go “pop” in my back .I have osteoporosis so from bending over, I am on pain killers.
I also have copd and am waiting on my January 7th appointment for my respiratory problem which is the real reason I cannot do housework as I lose my breath and I have to sit down about three times in the time it takes to sweep a floor.
My spirits are good, though, and I know I will soon be able to do more housework at a time once I see this specialist.
I can relate to most of you as I face a lot of the problems that you face. I too, have two cats, both of them tuxedo cats, Buddy and Bella.
Hope to hear from someone soon. Makes my day brighter.
Hope you all feel a little better real soon.
Luella
so sorry to hear of your woes. I just posted on this site. I have a dog, Claudette, Coon Hound.She is full of energy, but, thankfully my dad, who is 75, is a marathon runner, so, he takes her for lots of runs. My disability has also disabled my life and scared all of my friends away. I used to do many things, but now that I can’t, they all disappeared. I hope you feel better after your specialist visit, and I hope they can help you. I have been struggling with illness for about 12 years now. Isn’t it amazing how friends disappear when you need them the most. I am 52. If you need someone to talk to, feel free. No matter how sick I am, I do enjoy trying to pick up others, I am also considerate of others feelings and a down right “nice” person.
Hi. If you like to have a new friend, [EMAIL ADDRESS REMOVED BY MODERATOR TO PROTECT POSTER AGAINST UNWANTED SPAM- PLEASE DO NOT POST EMAILS OR ANY IDENTIFYING INFORMATION HERE. IF YOU WANT TO CONNECT VIA A SPECIAL FACEBOOK PAGE, READ THIS POST: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/%5D
I can totally relate to the feeling like we dont have friends. But only when our life gets gloomy that we will find the true people who really are willing to be there for us. Sadly, we end up not with the ones we expect to be there. But it is always good to keep our doors open for new friends. Smile and always have a nice day! Hope to hear from u soon!
Hi Cheryl,
I love that you have a coon hound and her name is Claudette! I too understand what it is like to have a disability or disabilities and no one to really be there for you.
Terri
Terri,
You are between 11-30-14 and 12-18 14. How did you manage that? Behind the times? Sorry to hear about your disabilities but I suspect that everyone has at least one and I think the key might be learning how to function despite the disability. Some achieve more function than others.
I just tried to reply to this, but the site kicked me out. I do hope you feel better soon. And, if you ever need to “vent” or talk, please feel free. I too suffer from illness. Lost all my friends when I got sick over 9 years ago. and, it is not contagious,.Wrote you a long letter, but when the page deleted it, I got really tired, I will write more again soon.
[PERSONAL INFORMATION REMOVED BY MODERATOR TO REDUCE UNWANTED SPAM].
I can totally relate to the feeling like we dont have friends. But only when our life gets gloomy that we will find the true people who really are willing to be there for us. Sadly, we end up not with the ones we expect to be there. But it is always good to keep our doors open for new friends. Smile and always have a nice day! Hope to hear from u soon!
Ladies….I just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you are all able to reflect upon your blessings and take steps to make every day a better more involved and social one. I am trying and I have appreciated hearing from some of you whom have made contact.
[NOTE FROM MODERATOR – Sharon, I’ve removed your email address from your post because the website isn’t set up to connect people with each other but you can do that over Facebook. See: https://www.thefriendshipblog.com/something-new-check-out-friendship-blog-connection-facebook/%5D
Hi Marla, oh I can relate to your situation. The friends I used to have and connected with, we have drifted apart. Our lives are different now. I’m a stay-at-home mom, married with a baby boy. My husband is my best friend. I have one friend in the area, who is married to my husband’s longtime friend, she’s also a stay-at-home mother to a baby too. But there have been problems due to her being very clingy and mean/bossy. I would love to meet new friends, sometimes it is lonely esp. being at home. I’m shy too and have always had trouble making and keeping friends, I get nervous around people and others have thought of me as “weird”. But I’m a nice person, and I’ve been through a lot in life, like dealing with very overprotective parents and other problems, all that has made me feel tired and unable to reach out to people.
I feel bad about your situation. You seem like a kind and caring person. I hope things get better for you, sometimes good friendships come unexpectedly. I’m glad that I discovered this forum and that we can all support each other during bad times.
Iam so glad there are other woman experiencing a problem making new friends. I am without any real frienships.Iam not sure why I am not the person people seek out. Iam understanding and considerate and loving. I wish an expert could tell me why or what I can do to make it happen. Iam a nurse married and have a wonderful son. Iam in most areas of life. My old friends have either moved away with little or no contact. Got married same result. One is now extreme alcoholic now.
Hi,all. Deriving some “comfort” from reading so many feel this way. Seems my ‘closest’ friends are the four to eight year olds I look after at the after school program center where I work.also 57, divorced ten years rapidly emptying nest, live in a foreign country so no extended family.It’s no picnic trying to keep myself going, day in and day out with no steady warmth,comfort,love,support,partnership, companionship. Most others don’t really understand or want to, are “busy,busy” caught up in the rat race and not interested in old fashioned friendship.
Hi Donna me too. Lets keep in contact. I have a hard time as well. Maybe my demeanor? Anyway I’m tired of being lonely
I too am so lonely. Just turned 70 and divorce is in process. I really need some friends to talk to. Feel left out of family events, having been replace by my husband’s new girlfriend.
Oh, that bites. But surely your own family has dropped him and has not replaced you with your exhusband’s new girlfriend? Sorry you’re going through this, and hope you’ve got some good plans for Christmas.
Hi Pat,
Thanks so much for your warm reply. My life is complicated by my own inability to “suck it up” and move forward. Stuck in my own emotional temperament. My dog, Bella helps. I also have a therapist, but just keep repeating the same old story. I live in a small town, so much is played out in public, and I am a very private and introverted person. Easier just to stay home and not be seen as the suddenly single one in a world of couples. Sounds pitiful, doesn’t it? I am trying to work my faith to get through this, using online and televised resources. My husband has friends in all of the local churches.
I will get through this, but could use some fresh eyes, thoughts and friendships. My arthritis and asthma are preventing me from doing the volunteer work that I have always done. Dog walking, shelter work, food bank and adult literacy were my passions.
Merry Christmas. I hope that you are surrounded by love.
Liz
Actually I’ll be spending Christmas alone! Well, except for my companion animals. I too am unable to “suck it up” and move on. I can’t seem to make lasting friends; maybe I just attract the wrong kind of people, people who seem full of themselves and sure of their superiority over me. And eventually I get tired of getting used and stop seeing them. You’re not pitiful. i know exactly what you’re saying and I sure wish you lived next door to me!
Pat
I used to have friends… in fact, I was the one in whom they all confided. All have lapsed away, and I feel too tired and awkward to keep trying. Going through a divorce, and my husband attracted all the friends. It feels embarrassing to be this lonely. How do we survive in such brutal times without real world companions? The news is so full of tragedy and cruelty. Is it just me, or are we losing our humanity? Thank God for women like you, Pat. What a blessing to feel heard. Again, thank you.
How can I help you?
I feel the same.
I have a few friends. I had the shingles twice this year, and now I going to have surgery to remove catatric on my right eye. My family don’t live close to me. I spend the holiday alone. The friends that I do know, have their own families to spend the holiday’s with.
I don’t no why I can’t make friend easy, It been hard since the death of my husband over 9 years ago. He pulled his family and friends aways do to his illness. And I can’t get anyone to come over for coffee or diner. I know I spend too much time alone. I don’t hang in Night Clubs. Everyone at the church I go to is in a relastionship. If possiable I plan of going out some place for Thanksgiving. If anyone lives in Marylaned and wants a few friend. All this depends on what my eye doctor tells me on Nov.19th.
Lynn
Hi, Marla,
I really appreciated your story. Two things stand out to me. First, you are very intelligent, a wonderful writer with a clear head on her shoulders, and also that you have been “enabled to feel like a failure”. It seems that you became dependent on welfare, your wealthy family member, medications, etc. which has bred a sense of impotence. I find when no one has these options, they manage to stand a little taller. In reality, your clear thinking, self awareness, and modest description of your years of bringing security and happiness in helping others suggest a person who has already contributed much and just needs a larger platform to shine on! I would think of being more selfish, investing in YOU; eating vegetables, not junk, drinking lots of water, no sugary or chemical stuff, and walking 2 miles a day to literally circulate would lift your spirits, and share your unique talents with others beyond your lucky cat.
Wendy
I too suffer with learning disabilities and dyscalculia, and have been alone and isolated my entire life. Although, I am married for 30 years and have an adult son, I have not one person to call my friend. Close relationships with others scare me, as I concern myself with thoughts of them not liking me or them finding out my issues with learning. My heart goes out to you Marla and I know the pain associated with your issues; I share the same pain. I too would like to connect with others in this forum. I wish you all the very best and yes, we are sisters in this plight! Stay well and strong!
I too have dyscalculia but I don’t have any other disablities that I know of. Except not being able to be liked.
Well I cannot spell. How is that. What i can really relate to is not able to be liked. I have a daughter, she is 42. I only see her when its time for a gift giving occasion. her B-Day, Xmas, her daughters B-Day, x-Mas. She lives 5 miles from me. I have a sister 10 years my junior we haven’t spoken in a good 15 years despite several attempts to repair what ever we fought about so long ago. I have a mother and we do get along sort of. topics of conversation include her bridge, my mental meandering anything but nothing personal like my sister, her health problems, her finances. No I do not have any friends, my phone never rings unless its business. How can I expect to have friends when my own family can’t stand me?
Ladies…..what are we going to do about our isolated selves? How can we communicate amongst ourselves? Am I allowed to leave my email on here? 66 Ju dee @ g mail . Com….. Of course no spaces;) let’s make some connections.
Hi Ju dee, my name is Judy. I feel isolated too. Recently divorced. I have one son and his family. But I hate to act needy. Just need a friend to talk to sometimes. I am from Georgia. If you feel like it email me sometime.
Hi Judy I live in ga and am looking for friends , please email me I am very lonely , my family is in pa and just lost my best friend my mother on sept 17
Hi hope all’s well. In the same boat as u. So what a lady to do? Lets row together. The later part of our life will be the best
Sharon I am interested int talking and making connections
Hi Marla I do know how you feel. I am 43 year old And no matter what I do I feel so alone. I also have a learning disability. Its lots I don’t understand. Its take me a little longer to understand what other people may be talking about. Its really not easy at all just to make friend. People grin and your face and talk behind your back. So I do know were you coming from on that. I wish I no how to have a good friend. All my life I always was alone. I am married with 3 kids. Me and my husband have not slept and the same room for over 6 in half years. He sleep and one room I sleep in another room. When we go out I see how people look at me. They think I am so happy but deep and side I feel so alone. I been pretended all my life. I would love to have at lease one good friend. I am so glad you put this on hear Marla. I just found this page I thought I was the only one who feel this way
Hi Dianna,
I just wanted to offer you a hug. My daughter actually has a disorder, and while growing up, there was nothing about her condition out there. She has aspergers disorder. Very shy, and like you are saying, doesn’t pick up ques at all. She has married someone who has the same disorder . My daughter could never make friends. She cries to this day, for the lack of friends. She is 23 years old, and it is very difficult for her. I just wanted to say, you are awesome:D Hang in there. There is that special friend out there that you so very much deserve. I keep telling myself that as well:D Hugs to you.
I know what you mean by therapy. I went through years and years of it and learned very little. I gave up on it years ago because it was leading me absolutely nowhere and with being perpetually unemployed it felt as if I was throwing my money away. Because I come across to others as very intelligent and initially have very good social skills, a therapist would practically have to follow me around throughout the day to see what goes wrong for me. I don’t know if there is a therapist anywhere who does this type of work. If they did, I imagine it would be very expensive. So I continue to be stuck in a rut…
Hi Ladies,
I am 63 have had several acquaintances but I am still looking for a
friend.
Yes I have and still do get very depressed which doesn’t help, but to me some circumstances justify these feelings. Because of these circumstances I have to pay another human to talk to them? I understand you frustration. My frustration level is pretty high.
I am an only child who had a mom, and aunt and an uncle. I was “orphaned” by my mother’s mental issues and no support from the mental health system to this day. Now I am orphaned because they passed away. I have no “peers” who get this. I have no children and am feeling like I am constantly competing and losing to “families” – another Catch 22. I do understand the feelings the good people on this blog.
Sounds as if you and I have many of the same concerns. I know only too well how it is to feel so isolated and useless. I am in my early 50’s and have no women friends to speak of. It has been that way for a VERY long time. Ever since I was a younger adult I have not been successful at sustaining a friendship with women. Whenever I think I have made a connection, something goes wrong and the particular woman always ends up disappointing me by not following through on the friendship – not calling back, canceling at the last minute, etc. etc (I’m sure you’ve been there.) Many times I feel that either they or I are from another planet, I just don’t get it! I too, was diagnosed with a learning disability in adulthood, for me it was in my mid 20’s. I’m sure this was a significant factor in my difficulties. My women family members have no such difficulties and are very socially successful and well-liked. That makes me feel that much more lonely and isolated. I am fairly fortunate that I have a husband and teenage son, but I rely on them almost exclusively for companionship as I have nobody else. That is not normal. It is sometimes a relief to know that I am not alone, that there are others out there who are experiencing the same pain.
Hi janet where are you located. We both have the same issues as far as making friends. So lets be each others friend, near or far.
Hi Marla – great advice from the others on this thread. I don’t really have anything to add but I do know that helping others will go a long way towards helping you feel better about yourself. I’ve dealt with low self-confidence and shyness throughout my life but I push myself to get out there and participate in some community activities (in my case, Friends of the Library and women’s church group) – just something that gets me out there and into circulation.Perhaps new friendships will develop someday, at least I know that I’m helping others and myself through these activities. Yes, start with your doctor and see what he or she can do to help you feel better. I’m sure there are organizations, seniors, animals and children who would benefit from your caregiving experience. I wish you the best!
Hi Marla, I think Irene’s suggestion is wonderful! You can run an ad on craigslist or in the paper to be a pet sitter, or even to walk someones pets too. Youve mentioned you have a cat, and have been a caretaker. This is a gift, some people wouldnt even get out of their bed in the morning for their cats, especially with depression. You would be good at it, and it could earn you the extra money, and invite new people into your life to socialize with.
Best of luck!
Dear Marla-
I suffer from depression also and I think I could really help you!
Let me begin by sharing the following quote with you that my dear Father sent me. It brightened my day. I hope it does the same for you.
“Don’t feel guilty if you’re too sick to do things.
You have value simply because you are, even if you cannot be ‘productive’ in the way to which you are accustomed.
You must learn to cherish your very existence.”
If you ever need to talk, I am disabled myself and home all day…every day. PM me and maybe I can help.
Sincerely,
Cathy
Hi, Gosh I know how you feel. I am 48 have no family and no friends. I receive SSD and disability from the Veterans Administration. I would give it up for a social life. It is so difficult for me to get out of the house. I haven’t been out since 19th when I had doctors appointment. I have tons of vitality and desire to be part of this world…but I CANT or won’t follow through on all the things I know that could be helpful…like church for fellowship, volunteering, big brothers big sisters…..I don’t have enough self esteem to do it. Maybe we can be pen pals to each other????
Hi Sharon and Marla-
I, too, am disabled and have been trying to find women in our age group that are home during the day. It seems like mostly teenagers are here during the day and they can’t relate to what we are going through.
Since my diagnosis, and my start of to this horrible existence of not being able to work or even enjoy a social event, I have found myself totally alone. I think we should start our own group. What do you guys think?
Hi ladies, I suppose it might in some small way make me feel better about not be the only adult woman with no friends. But just in a small way. I want to be able to reach out to those of you like myself and see if we can kindle a friendship. My biggest problem is that I am unable to drive. But I am capable of writing, talking and maybe one day visiting or hosting a visit. I love people and so miss the companionships I use to have. The girl talks, the shopping trips, just knowing that if I have a need or desire to talk there is someone there who I know will listen and care (and not because I am paying them for therapy). Any takers?
Hi sharon consider us friends. Many many good people without friends. I think is the kindness and sensitivity that keeps us from bonding with people who are “not so nice” anyway for me its that. Let’s befriend each other.
I am going to give local programs a call to see if I can do some volunteering. Does anybody else volunteer? If so where? I need to get out of my house!!!
Sharon I volunteer at my local historical organization, genealogy organization and also I am a member of my local art club. In addition I mentor about 12 ladies who are incarcerated. The # goes up and down as they get out.
I don’t know about yours but our local newspaper has a weekly listing of local volunteer opportunities.
Since cold weather is coming up, local homeless shelters will see a spike in people wanting to stay and they will need more help.
In the past I also was a volunteer at my local hospital in a wide range of capacities.
I’ve never looked but perhaps there is a website where organizations can list requests for volunteers.
I too have no one and need to meet other people I can relate too, other people can be so cruel I just rather not go out can you please reply to me Kay
Hi Kay, hope all’s well. Same boat friendless. But not anymore. We can make friends with good people from this site. Lets keep in contact.
Hi Marla,
You probably already realize that you’re depressed. Do you know that depression is a medical illness, just like diabetes and heart disease? Sometimes people feel like their depression is yet another character flaw, and feeling this was is a sign of depression. I urge you to take Irene’s suggestion and talk to your doctor about finding a therapist.
Two times in my life, when I was depressed, I got kittens who quickly brought the joy back into my home. There’s nothing like a kitten to make you laugh again. My older cats have always adjusted after a day or two of hissing and big tails. After a week or two they’re snuggling for catnaps and licking each other clean.
Finding friends while depressed is hard, because people feel so bad about themselves that it shows in body language and facial expression. Sometimes sadness can look like anger and make people seem unapproachable. If you can find some joy in a kitten, or something else in your life, you’ll smile more and look friendlier. If you like children, Foster Grandparents is a great organization http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/senior-corps/foster-grandparents. The umbrella organization, Senior Corps looks promising for you too. Seniors over the age of 55 are also needed to be companions so caregivers can have respite, and you already those skills. http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/senior-corps .
Expect new friendships to start slowly, as acquaintances, because emotional intimacy takes time to develop. Don’t discount friends of different ages than you. Older friends bring wisdom and younger ones bring energy.
Please talk to your doctor for a referral. Depression is treatable. You deserve to feel better.
This is me too.