• Resolving Problems

When teen friends talk about sex

Published: November 6, 2013 | By | Reply Continue Reading
A teen asks: How do you handle the awkwardness when friends talk about sex and you feel left behind?



I feel very awkward, embarrassed, and left out when my friends talk about how far they have gone (sexually). I have not been to first base (kissing) while all my friends have gone through at least first.

They poke fun at me about it and I feel very uncomfortable, especially because many of these friends are guys. Even my gal pals don’t stick up for me and also join along in the laughter. This makes me feel very stupid. What do you think I should do?

Signed, Megan


Hi Megan,

It’s hard when you’re not in the same place as friends, especially if it seems like everyone has an experience that you haven’t had. You are not stupid and you are not alone.

Not everyone begins dating and kissing at the same time, but if you’re one who hasn’t yet dated, feeling “behind” is natural. You might be surprised to know sometimes teens talk about sex and say they’ve gone further than they actually have, either trying to brag or because they don’t want to feel left out. Sometimes girls (and boys too) feel pressured to go further than they’re comfortable, because they think “everyone” is doing it. FYI, kissing someone special is so much better than kissing just to kiss.

Humor can be a good way to neutralize good-natured teasing. People tease to get a reaction, so if you change the way you respond that might help. I knew someone who said, “I don’t kiss and tell,” and then winked.

You can also talk to your gal pals one-to-one and ask that they help you out. I know plenty of women who never dated or kissed until college. I’ll bet some felt just like you.

Signed, Amy

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

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