• Keeping Friends

A teen asks: How can I get my friendship back?

Published: August 1, 2011 | Last Updated: August 19, 2013 By | 5 Replies Continue Reading
It’s common that teen friendships and allegiances change during the teen years but it’s still painful when it happens


Hi Irene,

I’m 14 years old and had an argument with my best friend this afternoon and I can’t help but cry! Because it’s so hurtful.

We had been best friends forever until one day she switched to an International school. We remained best friends still. And a few months later, I switched to that school as well and I found out that she’s really close with one of our friends. They will walk together every day and leave me behind.

I tried to talk to my best friend about it but she ignored me and told me it’s no big deal.I still go to her house for sleepovers and stuffs. But not so often. That other friend is getting closer and closer to her.

The day before yesterday was my birthday. I had been waiting for her to send me a birthday wish but she didn’t. I told myself she’s busy. Yesterday, she invited that friend over to play and sent me a belated birthday wish.

Actually Iwas mad that she didn’t invite me over because we were planning that I should go over the day before my birthday and sleep over but she ended up telling me that her mom will be busy for a few weeks. But why is she able to invite other people over on the day before my birthday? And obviously she forgot my birthday. She made up an excuse that in other countries it is still 25th of July when she wished me. We used to text
each other a lot. But now, she always ignores my messages.

Today, she is mad that I wrote on my blog that she didn’t wish me happy birthday and I explained to her that I meant on the actual date. But she was mad and said, “She doesn’t care anymore.” I told her that we have to solve our friendship problems but she texted back “I don’t care anymore”. Which means that we’re over.

I felt so bad. Is there any ways to give me my friendship back? I didn’t do anything wrong!! 🙁 We had great memories.

Signed, Suzy


Hi Suzy,

It always hurts to be dumped by a friend, especially right before your birthday. But when young people your age switch schools or neighborhoods, it’s common that they often switch friends, too. Perhaps, your friend has changed and feels more comfortable with different kids than she did in the past. Maybe she wants to hang out with friends who she thinks are more popular or cool than she is, or something else like that.

Understanding this doesn’t excuse her rudeness. She shouldn’t have made up lame excuses and excluded you from her new friendships. You could try calling or texting her to see if she wants to get together in-person to talk about why she’s grown distant. My guess is that this probably would be difficult, if not impossible, for her to do.

Focus your energies on making some new friends. Because you and your once-BFF are school chums and have some of the same friends, don’t
make your breakup obvious when you’re in public; act politely in mixed company.

This breakup is probably more about her than it is about you and you deserve a better friendship than this one! But don’t be surprised: Friendships and allegiances change so often during the teen years that she may reach out to you some time in the future.

I know you will feel better soon. It might be helpful to talk to your mom about this. I’m sure she’s had experiences like this, too.

My best, Irene

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Comments (5)

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  1. Dylan says:

    Hey, I just got dumped by my two best friends today, we’ve been friends for like two years and we have made up some pretty special memories. Actually me and my other friend got to know each other before my second friend arrived, we never had a problem until this year, they started going on talking and walking without me and run off without me, at first it all started as a joke. Comparatively I’m the strongest one among us so basically they can’t bear it when I hit them for fun and in return just to balance that they hit me more than I do!!! I’m not mentioning their names but they start with O and S, so Miss O is smarter than me so she thinks that I’m shouldn’t get better grades than her!! What kind of attitude is that? And miss S is “innocent” so whenever she says that she has been here, she has been there, it turns out to be her “innocence” and when I do the same? They get offended! I know their faults and I still don’t show it outside coz’ I didn’t want them to get hurt, I wrote their notes for them when they were absent, I gave them money to buy things for an emergency without even asking the money back, they never did that for me! I mean they are just pissing on me without even having the courtesy to call it rain! But I don’t have anyone else but them, I have a lot of trouble making friends and the rest of the class don’t want me! Our school picnic is in three days and I won’t be having a picnic partner….. Please help me!!!!

  2. Anonymous says:

    how do you now if ss my bff?

  3. Anonymous says:

    Here is one of the experience I had with a close childhood friend and I’ll never forget her. I hope you guys don’t find it boring.
    I don’t remember how old I was but when I first moved to the neighborhood I made friends with this girl. I thought she was the funniest person I met. She was funny but very demanding, she was spoiled by her parents, none the less we became very good friends. Not long after our friendship another girl wanted to be her friend and said nice things about her, call me crazy but my guts had always told me she was pretending to be nice to her. I had always told my friend she was fake and she was using you to make me mad. One day I was playing outside and I heard someone screaming I ran towards the sound and it was my friend crying. I asked her why are you crying? She told me the other girl had dared her to climb up the tree and so she did. I asked her where is she now? She told me she ran for dinner, I ask her why didn’t she help you down, since you are obviously scared. I went home to grab the ladder with my younger brother to help her down. I warned her that she isn’t this nice person she pretends to be, and can you guess what she did next? She demanded me in a loud voice to help her down. She still did not believe me even after her dramatic experience. When her parents became rich it became apparent to me that she no longer needed a middle class girl as her friend. During her birthday party at her new house she completely ignored me, she didn’t even bother to talk to me or introduce me to her friends.
    People grow and change, you have to learn how to move on as much as it did hurt me ,I let it go. I saw her a few years back and it was awkward I must say, but I did say hi and moved on.
    I hope your friend isn’t as oblivious to things like my one was, I say give your friendship one more try. My relationship was all me and she never bothered to fix it, so good luck to you.

  4. TriForce says:

    I read your story, I will give only one suggestion. You have to once again try to speak with you friend. If that doesn’t convince you after that you have to trust your friendship, so leave the friend..they are come back definitely…

  5. ginger says:

    I understand the heartache of early teen friendship breakups. I had one such breakup in grade 8. I’m now way beyond grade school by three decades but I still remember the heartache. It was my first such experience. The heartache and the disappointment lingered until beyond high school. Thankfully, I was able to make amends with my friend afterwards (actually, she told me that she was a bad friend and pretty much begged for a second chance at our friendship). Ironically, the girl that took my friend away from me is no longer in touch with my friend; whereas, my friend and I are still friends. We see each other a couple of times a year. So, I guess the moral of the story is you never know what happens in the future. Perhaps one day your friend will realize that she was a bad friend and she’ll try to make amends. You may or may not be interested in patching things up at that time. Never underestimate the power of being yourself. Stand tall and pat yourself on the back for being a good friend!

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