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A student dreads going to school without friends

Published: March 19, 2016 | Last Updated: April 16, 2016 By | 13 Replies Continue Reading
If you dread going to school because you feel lonely, you need to reach out for help and advice.



I just started high school and I haven’t made any friends. I do know people but haven’t made a connection with anyone. Everyone else seems to have friends but I’m all alone. I am so stressed to make friends that it is slowly killing me. Every day I dread going to school.

Sometimes I cry at school because I feel like I’m stuck in a hole. I’m scared of disappointing my parents by not making friends with decent people. Is it me that is the problem? Do people feel the same way? How can I make friends?

Signed, Jordan


Hi Jordan,

How painful it must feel to dread going to school each day.

When someone your age feels like they are in a hole that they can’t get out of, it can be helpful for them to reach out for help. It was a great first step that you took in writing this note expressing your feelings.

The next step you take should be to reach out to an adult you trust at school, someone who can help you understand your feelings. If you develop a relationship with a teacher, guidance counselor or psychologist at school, that person can get to know you, help you figure out why you’re having such a hard time, and make some recommendations so you’re back on track.

If you have the sense that everything seems hopeless, you need to seek out professional help right away because it could be a sign of depression.

Many young people have a hard time transitioning to high school so this isn’t something you should be embarrassed about. Also, I’m sure your parents would like to help and support you if you let them know that you’re struggling. They probably realize something is wrong if you are always feeling so sad.

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene

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Category: HAVING NO FRIENDS, Teen friendships

Comments (13)

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  1. Salstarat says:

    Let me assure you that school is not the be all and end all of your existence. Most people I know never see school friends again once they leave school! It may comfort you to know that the overwhelming majority of people end up making their CLOSEST friends either at university or through work (workplace colleagues). Many people tend to “outgrow” their school friends because most people move on, grow up and find other interests and priorities.

    I know this may not help you in the short term whilst you are focused on not having too many friends at school, but it may serve to help you recognise that the immature, childish friendships you see as so important during your school years so often, really DO fade from memory as you move through your life and, as an adult, meet and befriend people who share the same interests and lifestyle.

    In the meantime, hang on to your two close friends. It is not the QUANTITY of friends that count, but the QUALITY. If you have two really good friends, believe me, you are very lucky!

  2. Alice says:

    Im going though the same thing its really hard. Just recently I lost my best friend to a fight we had it can never be resolved. I was the one who started the fight and we both said things we both regret. Then a week went by with no contact with her and I started getting horrible emails. I got so annoyed I did the wrong thing and emailed her back saying things I now regret.

    At our school the year 7 corridor is now out-of-bounds so I just walk around in circles. I’m one of those girls who is on the strange side though I like who i am, others don’t.

    I have been offered into a group but I didn’t accept because they wanted me to change. Why would I want to?? I wish other people out there did understand me. But I guess they don’t 🙁

    Please Help Me.

  3. Lana says:

    I’m going through the same thing. I’m going to speak to my parents about it. I think you should too.

  4. Jaimie says:

    Hi Mate, I agree with the advice of joining a lot of different activities…maybe even ones that you wouldn’t go for in the first place. This lets you meet heaps of people and then guess what…you get to start choosing friends. Do you know some kids a little? Just start small and say Hey how’s it going? Take care.

  5. patricia says:

    Hi Jordan
    I seriously know how your feeling sadly i was in the same situation at high school. i had no friends and could not fit in. I so wish i had seeked help earlier.
    However unfortunately I disagree with what some others are saying on here that high school is just about eductaion. For me i think friendship is important to.
    My lack of friendship and loneliness has caused many problems for me since leaving school as i have no social skills and fear so highly going into a working environment etc.
    I am just on verge of going for councelling which i wish i had got at your age when the problem started.
    Hope you decide to speak to someone as i have started to open up recently about all this and my past in the last year and it helps noone should suffer on own and best of all they’ll help you find friends and not get to same level i have got to.
    All the best

  6. Salstarat says:

    My advice is to join as many in-school activities as you can, eg drama classes, debating clubs, chess clubs, in-school sporting groups and so on. Also, endeavour to extend your extra-curricular activities outside of school by joining art classes, a book club, sports or some other team/group activities that you are interested in. The wider your circle of potential friends are – in and OUT of school – the more chance you have of meeting a large group of people and expanding your horizons which provides the additional advantage of not having to rely on just ONE group of people from which to source friendships. Just be yourself, be pleasant, open, honest and show an interest in other people by LISTENING to them. Good luck!

    • Cher says:

      I agree with this advice but I would like to also add: Do you have a hobby? do you know what you like and don’t like? Do you enjoy socializing with other or do you prefer to be by yourself most of the time. Do you feel obligated to have friends in order to please your parents? or do you genuinely want to have friends? There’s something called an “Extrovert” and “Introvert” do you know which one you are? In order to get to know others, you have to know yourself first. Sharing the same interest or similar interest with others opens up a lot of opportunities for connecting. Don’t try too hard, just go with the flow and let the wind take you places because friendship is not something you can just make out of thin air, it’s something you have to earn with both your effort and theirs.

      • Joker says:

        I have trouble finding Friend in class I have only 2 Friend in other class but not in my class I hate school because I have no Friend and I have no Friend to talk to with in class so Everyday I don’t talk in class Everyday.Most I worried about is when teacher call us to pair up or do group work I will be very worried because I know I will have no people to pair up with.pls help I need Friend.
        Pls reply as soon as possible.

        • Cher says:

          You have 2 friends, now remember how you became friends with them. How did it start? You can do it again. People become friends when they have something in common to talk about. You start by making conversations with someone to find out what kind of person they are and what they like and if you find something you can relate to with them, you have a potential friend because you can talk to them again the next day and next thing you know, you’re talking to them everyday and have become friends. When I was in school, a girl sitting next to me noticed I was wearing perfume and told me that I smell good and asked me what it was and so I showed her my perfume bottle and we talked about it and slowly became friends. You can start with the people sitting next to you in class. Look at them and the things they have, if you can find something you can relate to, you can start a conversation about it, or you can compliment them on it. For example: “Hey, I like your shoes, where did you get them?” You have to open yourself up first to others so they know what kind of person you are and that gives others the chance to approach you instead. That is why the popular kids are popular, they open themselves up for others to see and people know them for that. Even class clowns open themselves up and that makes them the easiest to talk to. Watch others and learn and make yourself easy to talk to.

  7. Lily Murray says:

    I totally know where you are coming from I myself am very shy. But I want to let you know the primary purpose of Highschool is education not social interaction :). So if your not making friends at your highschool but have friends from other school seriously don’t fret. AND DO NOT LET YOUR GRADES SUFFER NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU FEEL( just laying down the tough love). However, I still believe you should reach out to your school consoler and talk about what’s happening. If your writing a post about this and yourself aware your problem will be eventually solved <3. Don't judge and be open to all types of people! Be yourself!

    • Cher says:

      “primary purpose of Highschool is education not social interaction” -that is something a bookworm teacher would say and had been said to me when I was in high school and she was dead wrong. Have you thought about what “education” is? high school is basically a small lake to which society is the ocean, same fishes in same water, just different size. Do you know what people do in society? Socialize. those are important skills and is part of “education”. What you learn in these pivotal years in school is what you take with you into adulthood and society.

  8. Allison says:

    Your situation resonates with me strongly. I am now in my 30s but I too had an extremely difficult time in highschool. Are you more of a shy personality type? I am of that type therefore it was harder for me too to make friends…so hard that many days I would eat my lunch in a closed room so I didnt have to deal with people. Thinking back, that was the worst thing I could have done as it progressively got worse and led to social anxiety. I suggest that if you are feeling the same,go speak to people like your parents, teachers, school cousellors and it doesnt hurt to speak with a therapist to talk through your feelings. As highschool is a difficult time for everyone, know that things get better as the years go by. College/university can be the best time of people’s lives and you have that to look forward to after highschool. There will always be a time to make friends and if it has not come yet, it will. Trust me, it happened for me! Once you get in your 20’s and 30s, you will look back at all this and say “what was I so worried about?”.

  9. Amy F says:

    Please heed Irene’s advice and talk to a school counselor, your parents or another adult.

    Some people make friends easier than others. This isn’t a reflection on who they are or their self worth. You’re already on the right track, by having acquaintances in school because that’s the first step to making friends. Have you signed up for any sports or clubs? After school activities are avenues to developing friendships.

    Though it seems like people already have friends, that doesn’t mean they aren’t open to more. I can guarantee that there are other girls in your same situation and they, like you, probably wish someone would reach out and befriend them. Keep your eyes open for girls like you.

    I hope things turn around for you soon.

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