• Keeping Friends

Staying home from school to avoid friends

July 1, 2016 | By | Reply Continue Reading
A student staying home from school can’t quite understand her feelings.

QUESTION

Hi,

I’ve recently lost one of my best friends after moving into middle school. She met a couple of girls and now ignores us, by us, I mean my two friends and me. Anyway, I want to change schools because lately I don’t feel comfortable here anymore—AT ALL.

I’ve been trying to stay home from school as much as possible because I’m so sick of everyone there. I’m scared of losing my old friends or even of moving to a new school where no one accepts me.

I watch a lot of fantasy movies and I wish that my school experiences were just like those. I definitely want to move. Maybe I’m better off somewhere else. I mean I like being “he new kid” because no one knows about what’s happened to you before. It’s like all those labels have disappeared.

What should I do? I live with my grandparents whom I don’t really interact with. They don’t understand how I’m feeling but I don’t understand why I’m feeling this way either:(

Signed, Jessica

ANSWER

Hi Jessica,

I’m sorry to hear one of your best friends moved on without you. That hurts and can shake a person’s confidence.  Fortunately, you have two other friends who share your experience.

I can understand wanting to leave an uncomfortable situation. Have you heard the saying “wherever you run, there you are?” It means that leaving a difficult environment might seem like a good way to solve a problem, but learning how to deal with the discomfort will help you when other hard problems arise.

Friendships often change during the teen years, because people your age are maturing and becoming more independent. If the same thing happened at a new school, you wouldn’t be able to change schools and more importantly, you wouldn’t have developed the skills to coexist with former friends.

If you moved…

If you moved schools, your relationships with your friends at your current school will change, because you won’t see the same people every day. You might feel like they are moving on without you, especially if you haven’t made new friends. The advantage of nobody knowing you at a new school is also a disadvantage, because nobody knows you and you have no history with people, while they all have histories with each other. I’ve read so many letters from new girls, having difficulty adjusting their new schools and making friends.

Do you think if you tell your grandparents you’d like to see a therapist, they’d help you find one? I think a therapist could help you through this difficult period, and even help your grandparents understand you better. You deserve support through this difficult time. There might even be a counselor at school you could speak to.

I think you’ll be okay at your school, talk to your friends about how you’re feeling; I bet they can help too.

Signed, Amy Feld


*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

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Category: KEEPING FRIENDS

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