• Few or No Friends

Starting high school without friends

Published: May 11, 2015 | By | 5 Replies Continue Reading
If you’re without friends and don’t know why, it may be helpful to talk to an adult at your school.



I just started high school and don’t have any friends. I didn’t go to the high school where all my friends went. Some girls from my primary school are here but they have made other friends.

For the first time in my life, I don’t have any connection to kids at school. I know people talk about me behind my back and I know the group I sit with doesn’t like me.

I really tried to make friends but I can’t because I can’t be myself unless I’m comfortable with someone. It’s affecting my schoolwork and my behavior. I haven’t done anything wrong and I’m still all alone. Please help me.

Signed, Hayley


Hi Hayley,

Lots of teens feel stressed out transitioning into high school, figuring out changing friendships and feeling connected to their classmates. I’ve heard some girls say that lunch is their most anxious time of the day and everyone else at the lunch table seems to fit in except for them. They think they are all alone when so many of their peers are feeling alone in the same way.

Most of the time other kids spend far more time worrying about themselves and what others are saying about them than they do worrying about you, Often talking to a guidance counselor or favorite teacher can be a big help and give you confidence.

Teenagers have told me joining clubs, sports or study groups can be a good way to meet friends with similar interests. Try to be friendly to everyone you see in the halls and in class. Smile. Make eye contact. Say hello. Nod when you agree or like something they say. You might be surprised how those small gestures will show others that you’re friendly and approachable. They will want to befriend you. Just think about how good you feel when someone genuinely smiles and makes you feel like they are glad to see you and realize you possess the ability to do that for others.

Hope this is helpful.

Signed, *Amy Feld

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

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Comments (5)

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  1. Rebecca says:

    HI, I was looking for some advice. I start high school in less than a week, having moved to the state at the beginning of the summer. Over the summer I didn’t do a whole lot in terms of meeting others, so I don’t have any friends. My mom gave my # to a girl my age going into the same high school so we hung out once but her and her group of friends don’t really seem that interested in me or befriending me. I am really nervous about starting high school because I don’t have any friends, and the whole idea of a new school and more people and a bigger area. I went to freshman orientation and everyone seemed to be talking to their friends in their group, and the point is that it seems everyone has their group from middle school and not really in the need to make new friends. My oldest brother is in college, and my second oldest brother is a junior in high school but decided to stay in the state where we moved from, so I am missing my brothers along with my friends a whole lot. I don’t have my brother to go to high school with like I thought I would and that also makes me sad. I am doing cross country, which starts the day school does, and that makes me even more stressed out considering I don’t have friends! There is time in-between the end of school and when practice starts (but not enough to go home) so I need some help and advice! Im really stressed and scared. thx.

    • Stewart says:

      Don’t worry!! I am in a similar situation. I just started my freshmen year, and I have been experiencing the exact same thing. Just put yourself out there, even if it’s difficult, and people will see how kind of a person you are. Try to do things like signing up for certain electives or after-school activities to meet people with similar interests. Also, focus on schoolwork for a while! Everyone feels alone when starting high school (even if they come in with friends), and this is a perfect opportunity to get situated academically before you become part of the community. Just don’t overthink things. I hope that helped 🙂

  2. CarlaW says:

    I grew up quite shy. I never had a friend to speak of. Yet from the time of being in grade school I found a group that usually hung out in an off corner. Soon I began to understand we all had the same thing in common.
    Moving forward to Jr High I would seek someone who was sitting alone and try to start a conversation. I wasn’t accepted in other groups and decided to see if I could start my own. Unfortunately they preferred their own company and I held on seeking another.
    I will suggest you avoid the popular ones. They will only conspire to see how much damage they can do to your psyke.

  3. Klara Szpocik says:

    My name is Klara Szpocik and I’m in a worst situation. I really need help with this seriously. Last year when I first entered into high school I was really depressed, and my parents wanted to help me because I was almost everyday crying. Basically a year ago I moved to another country to start high school.(Because of my mother’s job). In the US I used to have lots of friends and I used to hang out almost every day with them. I was really exited when I moved, because I wanted to see how people where like and I was exited to meet other people from other culture. To my surprise it wasn’t like that. When I moved I talked to everyone, but no one seemed to be interested in me. When I was telling them how life was in US they were just like ignoring me or not paying attention. I’m a positive person so I started to talk to other people in the school, they were older that me but that didn’t really matter, because I was really open to make friends with pretty much everyone!!! Some of them just asked me a few things, they seemed interested we laugh and we had a good time, but then some of their friends came and they started talking about hanging out to a bakery that was near the school, so I asked them if I could go with them, because I wanted to buy a sandwich and they looked at me in a weird way and told me that there was some other bakery near the school and I could go there. Then they left… And pretty much here no one takes me into consideration. When I’m talking to them they don’t listen to me or they talk over me. Maybe it’s because I’m in a rich kid’s school… and everyone feels superior, and they go to expensive places I cannot afford to go…
    In addition to that in the US I used to have more friends that were boys than friends that were girls. I don’t know why… I just like more boys, and I’ve always liked the stuff boys are into like sports, math(yeah I’m really into science)and in the country where I live, people are really chauvinist, and unfortunately the subjects that I choose for High School are all sciences, and there are almost boys in there…so it’s a difficult situation really…For example once some guy had the best mark in an exam and I hug him and told him ”Well done man!!” and he pulled me and looked at me in a really weird way. Also once I was trying to be nice to some guy and we were joking and laughing and he thought I was trying to flirt with me so he pushed me and forced me to kiss him, but instead I ran away, because I was really scared about what had happened if I stayed…

    I have no hope to make any friends here actually…I talk constantly with my friends from US and they just tell me not to stay there(in that country…), but my mum has a permanent job so I’m condemned too at least 8 years more to this…

  4. Ben says:

    That advice is as good for an adult moving into a new area without friends as someone going into a High School with no friends. Having moved to an entirely new part of the country with no connections, finding people of like minds and smiling and being friendly are essentials. Sometimes people respond in ways that are unexpected and give you feelings of being ok. Going through periods of loneliness also lets a person evaluate what’s most important in life. I used to believe that having many friends was important but I now know that if you have one good friend it beats having many friends who may or may not be true friends.

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