What to do if you sleep with a friend’s ex (Women’s Health Magazine)
Women’s Health Magazine
by Robin Hilmantel
February 1, 2014
A writer from Women’s Health Magazine follows up on a recent episode of the popular HBO series, Girls, when Marnie winds up sleeping with her friends’ ex. They asked the Friendship Doctor for advice on how to move past a mistake like this one.
So, Marnie and Ray. That happened. (In case you haven’t seen the latest episode of Girls—and don’t care about spoilers—Marnie goes to Ray’s apartment to ask him what he thinks is “wrong” with her, only to end up twisting the sheets with him.)
Clearly, the sex wasn’t something either party meant to happen (or even really wanted until their primal urges got the better of them). And while Shosh may have been the one who dumped Ray, he’s still the guy she lost her virginity to—so according to universal girl code, that would definitely make him off-limits for Marnie.
But girl code or no girl code, Marnie slept with him. And sometimes, even people who aren’t TV characters (incredibly selfish ones at that) can make the mistake of hooking up with a friend’s ex. So we asked Irene Levine, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at New York University’s School of Medicine, what the best course of action would be for any woman who finds herself in a similar situation—and wants to avoid a friend breakup.
Read the entire article in Women’s Health Magazine.
Category: IN THE MEDIA
Yikes! This is a tough situation. I’ve never slept with anyone’s boyfriend/husband, ex or not…but years ago I did have a friend who tried to set me up with her ex (behind my back) and then hated me because he asked me out. I still don’t know why she did that. Maybe it was a “test” of our friendship and my loyalty, but it was weird and manipulative.
I would say that it depends on the situation and the people involved, because maybe some people wouldn’t mind. But I think in most cases, it probably isn’t the right thing to do. Friendships can be broken due to betrayal so if you value your friendship, don’t do it.
There is definitely an unspoken code among girls and women…this is just something you don’t do. I remember that show back in the 90’s, “My So-Called Life”. Claire Danes’ character, Angela, is heartbroken to find out that her best friend Rayanne slept with Jordan, her ex. Rayanne doesn’t see the problem but it’s pretty obvious that their friendship will never be the same after that.
I believe it’s about trust. We need to know that we can trust our friends to not hurt or betray us.