Skipped grades and have no friends in high school
If you’ve skipped grades, that can add another challenge to making friends.
QUESTION
Hi!
My name is Jennifer and I’m in ninth grade. In middle school, I went to a new school and made a lot of friends. I am naturally very shy and introverted so I did not reach out, they did. A lot of drama happened (more than the typical middle school girl drama.) Honestly I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and I have gotten outsider’s opinions and they agree with me. So after a full year of bullying I was left with no friends.
Part of the problem was fixed no one was bothering me anymore, but I still was back to square one. No friends. When I went into ninth grade this year, I thought I would make friends because I would be in classes with different people than in middle school. I’m at least two years younger than everyone in my classes because I skipped 1-½ years of school. I still don’t have any friends.
I feel like I’m invisible. I will say an answer when we’re supposed to be working in a group, and everyone overlooks me and keeps trying to get the right answer…when I had just told them!! I know this won’t seem like a big deal when I’m older but I’m on my fourth year of having no friends, and I’m feeling really down.
I also know that other people have it so much worse so I also feel bad feeling sorry for myself. How can I make myself feel better? Thank you so much!
Signed, Jennifer
ANSWER
Hi Jennifer,
I’m glad you decided to write and glad that no one is bullying you and that you’re out of the drama. Your letter made a lot of sense.
Make a list of the positive reasons why you are good friend material. I’ll start you off with a few that I picked up from your letter. You’re bright, sensitive, thoughtful, and treat people kindly with respect. Now you list at least five more. Refer to the list when you’re feeling down.
Since you’re on your fourth year without friends, you are probably going to have to make some changes and step out of your comfort level to turn things around. You’ve got the additional challenge of being younger than your peers.
You are not the only shy girl in your class, and you’re also not the only introvert. Shyness and introversion are not always apparent. Your school, probably has a lot of other kids who are pushing themselves to seem more like their more outgoing, extroverted classmates in order to fit in.
I would never suggest that you change who you are, or that you act like someone you aren’t in order to make friends, however I do recommend that you challenge yourself to reach out to others. I’m going to give you a few steps so this doesn’t feel overwhelming.
WATCH
Introverts have great observation skills. Identify at least one person in each class who might also be an introvert.
APPROACH
Smile and say Hi to these individuals at least 3 times in a week.
ASK
Sharing a class with someone else gives you ready questions you can use as conversation starters. Use W questions: who, what, when, where, why, and how because they elicit more than yes/no answers. For example:
-Who are you doing your history report on?
-How did you do on the chemistry quiz?
-What did you do last weekend?
COMMENT
When you notice someone with a cute outfit, haircut or something positive about a classmate, tell her. People appreciate genuine compliments.
INVITE
Ask one potential friend to come to your house after school or on a weekend to study, or to see a movie. If that feels too overwhelming, start by exchanging phone numbers and texting “What’s up?” on a day off from school.
If you get stuck or find yourself depressed or unable move forward, talk to your parents or school counselor about seeing a therapist. I know this is something you can improve for yourself whether alone or with professional help.
Good luck.
Signed, Amy Feld
*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.
Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.
Category: HAVING NO FRIENDS, Teen friendships
making friends can be easy to make for some people but not for all my advice for making friends is be your self in front of people and if they can except you for who you are find someone who does. also except them for who they are because friendships can lead to best friend forever. the last thing is friends will sometimes be mad ,stickup, be there for you. but always remember if u have nofriends you have your family because family comes first