Sisters Who Aren’t the Best of Friends—Right Now
QUESTION
Dear Irene,
My sister is
two years older than me. We’ve had a pretty good relationship throughout
the years although our teen years have really taken a toll. She moved out of the
house with my mama and me, and moved in with our dad about a year ago.
My mama and my
sister do not have a good relationship. I can understand why because my
relationship with her now is not good. We recently went on a trip with some
friends and it was a nightmare! She was rude to me the whole time. She took the
other girl who went with us and hung out with her the whole time, leaving
me alone.
She blames me for our fights but she is the one who makes smart alec comments
and resorts to harsh name calling. My friends call her a bully and I am
starting to believe it. I always cry when I get home because of her fights and
confrontations. I don’t know how to fix it! Please help.
Signed, Shelby, a younger sister
ANSWER
Dear
Shelby,
I wish I knew your
age. But when a family is divided like yours and living in two homes, people often
tend to take sides. This can lead to a range of feelings, including conflict,
anger, insecurity and sadness.
Perhaps, for now,
it would work better if you spent time alone with your sister rather than with her
and friends. It might make it easier to work out problems between you if there
wasn’t an audience.
If you don’t
think it will make the conflict escalate, initiate some open discussions
together about what’s been happening in your family and ask your sister how she
is feeling.
If your sister
makes harsh comments or tries to start an argument, calmly ask her to back off.
She may be having a hard time at home (or at school or work.) She also may be very
upset with your mom. It
doesn’t surprise me that your sister might (inappropriately) express her upset
with one of the people to whom she feels closest: you.
Just because you
don’t have a close relationship now doesn’t mean that it can’t get better as
you both get older. My suggestion would be to try to stay connected with your
sister and do everything you can to diffuse the fighting. In the meantime, I
hope you have a good friend to lean on too!
Hope this helps.
Best, Irene
Category: Uncategorized
Dear Irene:
I have been talking with my sisters and mom and know
I get angryj sometimes from what I think they are doing
to me, as my life has been a series of ups and downs
and I tend to blame them. But I know enough to keep
things friendly, and if they really are plotting against me, then there is something to do about that. But in
the meantime, I love hearing them talk to me for the
company they give. I will always want them around, even though.
Sincerely, R. Ungrich