What do I say to a friend I don’t really like?
A woman doesn’t really like her neighbor and asks how to handle that friendship.
QUESTION
Hi Irene,
I have this friend who usually talks about her life and doesn’t really listen to what I say because she’s always the one talking. She can be a bit bossy, is easily offended and can judge really fast.
I don’t know what to tell her especially since I actually like talking to her twin sister way more. It would be hard for me to confront her because our families are pretty close and we are neighbors as well.
Signed, Celine
ANSWER
Hi Celine,
From what you’ve written it sounds like you don’t really like this friend although you enjoy the company of her twin. You’re not going to be able to change this friend’s personality so I don’t see any reason in trying to, especially if she is quick to take offense.
Given her quirks and how they grate on you, try to spend less time with this friend and limit the time you spend together one-on-one. Nonetheless, since your families are close and you are neighbors, it’s best to maintain a cordial relationship with everyone. Be forewarned that if you get too close to her twin, this one may get jealous and upset.
Hope this helps.
Best, Irene
Category: Dealing with difficult friends, KEEPING FRIENDS
I think the way it usually goes is that when you back off from someone, you back off from their nearest and dearest as well. Maybe you could do it gradually and pull it off, though.
You’re in between a rock and a hard place. If the 2 sisters are close, you may find modifying the dynamics of the one-sided friendship nearly impossible (since they may share everything going on in their lives). However if they are not close, I suspect lessening contact with 1 and increasing with the other wouldn’t be too awkward. I would advise against saying anything negative concerning the self-absorbed one to the more mature sister since some people cling to “blood is thicker than water” which I don’t adhere to but many do. Also Irene is spot on. The self-absorbed one is likely to get jealous if/when she finds out your preference for her sister.
One-sided friendships are so frustrating. They deplete my energy and time & leave me emotionally drained. I do my best to avoid them. Sometimes they get downgraded to acquaintance if I can’t completely avoid the person.
I don’t like it but on occasion I will interrupt chronic talkers on purpose. They seem to expect being interrupted as normal social behavior, and roll right on with their dialogue when I finish what I thought I needed to share. If you haven’t blatanly interrupted the chronic talker, you might try it and see how she responds