• Resolving Problems

Reader Wisdom: Invited To A Home Party You Don’t Want To Go To?

Published: June 23, 2014 | Last Updated: November 8, 2021 By | 7 Replies Continue Reading
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When a friend hosting a home party persists, you may need to push back just as hard, says this reader. It happened to her.

Many times, visitors to this blog write long after their initial post or add a comment to an old thread. Below are comments from an anonymous guest poster (edited very lightly) who responded to a prior post about the awkwardness of fending off a friend who wants to sell you stuff at a home party. Her comments are worth reading because they may be helpful to others.

She writes:

How about those “friends” who invite you over for dinner and while you’re eating start giving sales pitches and pressure you to buy this $45 Javita Coffee, a box of 24 single-serve sachets? I am normally a strong person to resist home sales party invites but this friend was tricky.

I did not know how to resist beyond telling her that I don’t drink coffee but then she started pushing for me to buy it for my husband. I managed to tell her I’d have to talk to my husband first but before I left her home, she gave me the box of coffee. I responded again: “I have to talk to my husband.”

I was appalled by her response. She said she had already asked my friend to drop it off there! ”Don’t worry about the payment, pay when you can,” she said, as if she didn’t hear what I just said. How can you say “no” when the person just fed you for free?

This served as a big lesson to me. What I did was pay for it and tell her my husband didn’t want it so he asked if I wanted to return it to her. I was itching to have her refund me but I used that as an opportunity to counter her manipulative ways.

I said, “It’s okay, I’ll just give it away. I wanted to support you in your business, but I’d appreciate it if you don’t sell me any of stuff again as I hate any form of networking/home sales and ending up with stuff I didn’t want in the first place.”

After a few weeks, she invited me to her house again because she needed people for her Javita Coffee party. I told her that I hate listening to sales pitches but she said that since I had already bought a box, I didn’t have to buy anything. She just needed people to attend.

It took me a lot of courage to say, “Well, I have more important things to do than waste a couple of hours on something I hate doing. Sorry.”

But wait! It didn’t end there. One night she started telling me about how she needs to buy another account from that coffee company but it couldn’t be under her name. Like I said, I learned from the night she fed me free dinner and manipulated me into buying her coffee.

I knew she was fishing to see if she could use my name, social security number, etc. for that account. She went about how she’s going to pay for everything and how it’s not going to cause anyone any trouble, to which I replied “Well, I don’t think you will find anyone to do that for you, because that indicates possible tax problems and to be honest, I myself won’t let anyone else use my social security number and name for anything like this!” I saw her face twitch.

I learned from this blog. I remember running to this website at the time all these were happening. I followed the suggestions. It was hard, especially when you have to say no to friends.

However, also from this website, I have learned that real friends are not those who’d put you in a situation where you’d be uncomfortable or manipulate you to do things that THEY want.

If a person is pushy, push back doubly harder. Practice makes perfect.


Previously on The Friendship Blog:

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Category: RESOLVING PROBLEMS

Comments (7)

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  1. Kayla Gallicchio says:

    I was wondering if you can do something on if u were invited to a party but u don’t want to go what would you say?

  2. Dunn says:

    I have a friend from high school on Facebook. She only invites me to Tupperware, Mary Kay, Passion Parties and candle parties. I always decline. She never wants to get together for lunch or anything.

  3. Jeanette says:

    The first post I read on this blog was Irene’s. Unbelievable the amount of stamina she had to have to resist this “friend’s” insistence. Thumbs up to Irene for educating herself and, in this case, realizing this person wasn’t a friend. Having been in business myself (service based), I am so frustrated to see multi-level marketing businesses. To me, its no more than a legal pyramid scheme. If a true entrepreneur has to rely on family, close friends or even church members to be “in business”, that person is in the wrong line of sales. Great job, Irene, just a great job of handling a poor sales person. Put that incident on your private personal resume, Irene. Its a skill and you mastered it.
    For me: I don’t lose. I either win or learn!

    • Jeanette says:

      Now I understand it wasn’t Irene’s event but another poster. Either way, my comments remain the same. Kudos!

  4. Denise says:

    When I read this the first time it ran, I was appalled, jaw dropped, and it still really annoys me. At the point where the “friend” did this:

    “but then she started pushing for me to buy it for my husband. I managed to tell her I’d have to talk to my husband first, but before I left her home, she gave me the box of coffee.”

    …I would have NOT taken that box, and repeated NO every possible way until I left the house. Apparently, some adults, like children, do not take No as No. They think we really don’t mean it, it means ok, I guess I’ll take it, or they just don’t care what the person says.

    For me, as soon as someone ignores what I’m saying, I will continue to repeat my statement/answer during the pushing they’re doing until the person hears me and changes the subject or drops it somehow.

    I like the incident from the poster about “needing another account”. She was direct in refusing any part of it and the “friend” finally seemed to understand quickly. If I had to deal with this often from someone I’d like to hang out with, I’d probably spend less time because I’d be wondering when she’s going to do this again.

    • Kelly says:

      I think the OP was put in a tricky situation. She was invited for dinner, and was given the sales while having free dinner. The “friend” is a master salesman. Yaiiks!

  5. Sandra says:

    Oh wow, in view of all this writer described here, I’d find it very hard to call this pushy woman a “friend.” Not only is her behavior manipulative, it’s also rude and thoughtless. I’d be inclined to avoid “friends” like this!

    I have a real hard time with home party sales — and the concept that I should “support” friends who are selling things. These home parties — for jewelry, food, plastic containers, etc — are getting to be too much, especially if all your neighbors, and their adult children, start sending you invitations to buy things you don’t really need. While I understand that people have to make a living somehow, it shouldn’t have to involve “guilting” your loved ones and friends into buying something from you.

    I have a job, but I don’t expect my friends to patronize the business or “support” my work in any way other than to show a sincere interest in my career.

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