Can This Teen Friendship Be Saved?
A teen friendship seems to be fraying and a young woman whether she should end it or try to save the friendship.
QUESTION
Dear Irene,
I’m 15 years old and going into tenth grade, I have known my friend since we were in 5th grade and we have always been really close. My mom is her second mom and her mom is my second mom.
We have always had the same interest in everything until just recently. It’s like we never agree on ANYTHING anymore.
We are so different now. But it’s like it happened overnight. I know people change but I didn’t know how fast it could happen. I wanted us to stay friends forever. But lately, I feel so hyper and don’t feel very happy around her. I feel empty, which is different. Things just don’t feel the same.
So I am just wondering, should I try and “repair” our friendship or do you think it would be best for me to just end it?
Thank you very, very much for reading this. I really do appreciate it. :]
Signed,
Anonymous
Teen in Florida
ANSWER
Dear Anonymous Teen in Florida,
It always feels bad to drift apart from a bestie with whom you once felt very close. More than likely, however, this turnaround in a teen friendship didn’t happen overnight. It just feels that way.
You are just beginning to realize the differences between you and your friend, and it sounds like they are jumping out at you in living color!
People change all the time—and especially during the teen years when changes can be dramatic. This is a time when our interests and unique personalities emerge, so I’m not too surprised by your story. Even though it’s common that a teen friendship can fray, it’s still disappointing.
Do you think your friend is feeling the same way you do? I suspect that is probably the case.
It might be worthwhile to start a conversation with her, saying something like “Why do you think we are disagreeing so much? Do you think there is anything we can do to iron out our differences?”
It’s important to mention that you really treasure all the good times you’ve had in the past and that you hope you can
work things out together.
Be prepared to give her one or two examples of why you are feeling this way. Try not to blame her—say it is something that is affecting you both.
By talking about it, you might gain more insight into what you are feeling and whether or not the friendship can be saved.
If you can’t work things out, you just might need to take a breather from each other or maintain a less intense friendship. Next year or the year after, you may find that you are more in sync with one another again.
Let me know how it works out.
My best,
Irene
Category: KEEPING FRIENDS
Sometimes people change, especially in their teens. Having a close friend like that is very important, but sometimes if it means giving up what you believe in just to have a friend then it’s not worth it. stay true to what you believe.
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I’m going to be blunt. If you feel that there is a problem – then there is. If you feel like you are the only one working on the relationship then you probably are. It takes two to make a relationship work. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you get no response. Take note that you might be the only one who cares about the friendship and are willing to work on it. If your friend is not willing there is nothing you can do. Y0u cannot force someone to want to be friends with you and as much as it hurts this is the flag letting you know that it’s not what you expected.; It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means that you need to redirect your efforts and put them into someone who truly can appreciate you. You will benefit more in the end. You deserve to put your time and effort into people who truly appreciate you. I know it first hand. I wrote this as much for myself as I did for you.