Overheard: My friend heard me say I didn’t like talking on the phone
A student is mortified that her friend overheard her say something negative about her.
QUESTION
Hi,
I have this friend who always calls on the phone to chat and talk, and I don’t like this type of thing. I don’t like talking on the phone unless it’s essential. So five minutes ago, she called and I was studying for my exams. I pressed my finger against the speaker and told my mom that I hate how she always calls just to chat and I don’t wanna talk to anyone. Then I sighed.
I removed my finger and said hello, and she said “I’m sorry I’ll ask you something (about our exams) and I’ll never call again.” I wanna dig a hole and stay in it I feel so terrible.
Signed,
Leah
ANSWER
Hi Leah,
It’s unfortunate your friend overheard you and I understand how you would feel uncomfortable seeing her tomorrow.
But it isn’t as bad as you think. Write your friend a note tonight so you can hand it to her when you see her. Apologize for making her feel uncomfortable. Tell her that what you said wasn’t personal or directed at her in particular. Explain that you just don’t like talking on the phone–especially on a school night when you have to study.
People have different preferences when it comes to communicating: Some like talking on the phone, some prefer email, some like texting and some only like to see people in person. Friends often have to negotiate a way of communicating that works for both people.
After your test, you can ask your friend if she read your note and would like to speak about what happened.
Hope you do well on your test and this works out!
My best, Irene
Category: KEEPING FRIENDS
yikes! That’s pretty rough. I hope you learn from this to not say things you don’t want others to know. Although Irene says to say it wasn’t personal, I think you want to be careful about saying anything untrue to just smooth things over.Own up to being indiscreet and for being hurtful. If you DO like her, reassure her of it and tell her you don’t want to lose her friendship but need to agree to meet and have relationship rather than do it on the phone
I agree with Irene’s ideas about negotiating communication with your friends. Everyone does have their preferences, but that all depends. It’s understandable that you didn’t want to talk to your friend on the phone, when you’re studying for exams. Unfortunately, phone conversation does make you distracted!!
After you’re finished with taking your test, talk to your friend.
I like Irene’s ideas because they create an opportunity for you and your friend to possibly have a closer friendship by honoring each others differences. None of us enjoy having hurt feelings. But they happen and we can eventually learn to survive them bringing strength into our lives. I hope the two of you can bring some understanding of each others differences and keep growing your friendship that is helpful to both of you as you become more trusting of each other.For me
I feel closer to someone if I know their personal likes and dislikes.
Good wishes, Carol