No Social Life in High School: My Part-Time Friends

Published: January 9, 2012 | Last Updated: January 9, 2012 By | 5 Replies Continue Reading

are my high school friends only my friends when we’re at school?



Dear Irene,

I’m a senior in high school and have no social life whatsoever. It’s not that I
have no friends–I have a group of people that I’m really close with in school.
We’re always together, talking, laughing, whatever. However, come Friday
afternoon, that’s it. You wouldn’t know we even knew each other over the
weekend. No texts. No calls. No Facebook comments. And then back to school, we immediately
catch up where we left off from on Friday. This is the story of every weekend,
holiday break, and summer.

I don’t understand why my friends aren’t like other friends in high school who
are always planning to go to movies. or have sleepovers or shopping/dinner
trips. If I suggest hanging out, we occasionally will but it always is on my

I know it may seem like I think we’re closer than we are, but the reality is
that we really are close. We’re all planning on going to the same college and
one friend and I are planning on renting an apartment together in the future.
It’s like we have best friend attributes, but not completely.

Why would a group of friends be this way? I don’t know any other friends that
"disconnect" when school is done for the week or basically disappear
come summer vacation. I would love to go out with my friends, but I’m tired of
being the one that suggests it all the time. This entire past summer I hung out
with ONE friend out of my group of five or six. This past Christmas break (one
week) I saw nobody and only spoke to one of them on the final day of break
through a text message. However, come the first day back to school, we were
laughing and having fun as if we hadn’t drifted away for the past eight days.

It can’t be healthy for an 18-year-old to have so little social life. If
it weren’t for school, I know I wouldn’t have any friends. I feel like most of
my high school career has been wasted, because I basically sit at home with my
parents every weekend and most of the summer besides work. Why is it that my
friends would be this way? 

It sounds unappreciative, but I am really unhappy with my
friends and wish I had more normal friends to spend time with.



Hi Samantha,

You’ve stumped me. I’m not sure what’s going on but there are
lots of possibilities. You haven’t mentioned where you live and the kind of
school you go to, or told me much about the friends you hang out with—except
that they’re inaccessible on weekends.


Are your schoolmates very involved with their own families? Are
they glued to technology? Are they very studious or competitive, using a good
part of their weekends for schoolwork? Do they have weekend jobs or participate
in outside activities? Is there any possibility that they are doing things and
excluding you? Do they turn down invitations when you extend them?


It seems odd that no one, other than you, feels the need to be
with friends outside of school. The only way you can determine what’s going on
is by speaking to one or two of them. Can you broach the subject with the one
to whom you feel closest? Perhaps, you could invite her over to your house for
dinner or to watch a TV show one weekend.


You might also want to scout around for some additional friends
who like to get together on weekends and holidays.


  • Try to make friends where you work.
  • Volunteer or do community service in a setting
    where you can meet people your age.
  • Start a Meet-Up group (see to make
    new friends.
  • Invite someone from school, outside of your regular
    group, to do something you enjoy. 


Bear in mind, too, that it’s likely that social life will
broaden when you graduate and you make new friends at college. In the meantime, I
hope these suggestions are helpful.

Best, Irene



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Comments (5)

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  1. Panchita says:

    Hey Irene,
    Im having a hard time. My friend Mei, won’t stop making the same mistakes OVER and OVER again. She keeps looking at me in the hallways, staring at me and my other two friends (who are also tired of her mistakes), and when I go home, she follows us. When we walk, she walks. When We Stop, she stops. Its rather annoying. I don’t know if I want to be her friend anymore! She has so many problems with me and my other two friends. She won’t stop and she tells my mother information that is not her business (about my grades) then she only tells my mother the bad stuff about me. And she tells her mother the good stuff about herself, and the bad stuff about me. I have a known reputation of *The Girl Who Hangs Out With Mei* in school. I don’t fit in with anybody, I am a outcast. People whisper behind my back, but I don’t care. I try not to, but it bothers me… What should I Do?

    • Amy Hershey says:

      Hey Panchita, I’m not Irene, but I have advice. I have a friend that is similar to Mai. She was always acting awkwardly and was not well-liked by the rest of my classmates. (This is junior high, high school) She could not, like Mai, take a hint. If someone is doing something you don’t want them to, just be direct about it. It may seem like you’re being mean- after all, you still want to have her be your friend – but just focus on the small things. Tell Mai that you would prefer if she didn’t tell your mom about your grades; tell her what you want her to say if your mom asks her about them. Don’t tell her that you don’t want to be her friend, or that she’s awkward. Saying something like that is not constructive; broad statements usually aren’t about something a person can easily fix.
      You are being a good friend by not alienating Mai. Keep doing so, but it’s okay to have other friends, too. Also sometimes it helps to include her in you and your friends’ activities. Once she’s included, even slightly, Mai might not try so hard and might not bother you so much. Finally, don’t forget her good qualities! Everyone has something desirable inside them, if that makes sense. 🙂

  2. Anonymous says:

    Could you just be open and honest about how you are feeling and ask them outright, perhaps one by one? Could there be cultural factors preventing them from participating in activities outside of school?

  3. Anonymous says:

    From the sound of it, it really doesn’t sound like a case of exclusion. (They probably wouldn’t talk to you at school either.) They’re probably just busy with homework, seeing family, working, etc. When I was in high school, a lot of my friends either had a strict curfew on the weekends or weren’t allowed to go out/stay out late. Cherish the time you see them at school and on the weekends keep yourself busy with volunteer work, book clubs, blogging, etc.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I don’t know if this will help, because like Irene, it seems baffling based on what you have shared, but my son has been through this in his earlier high school years.
    No-one ever sought him out after school hours and he is one of the most popular kids we know! His teachers comment on what a great friend he is, outgoing and how much everyone just likes him.
    I believe that many kids in our area are kept busy with homework and out of school activities. Some kids just don’t expect to meet outside of school and have parents who involve them in sports and other stuff.
    In the end our son found a tremendous church youth group with a fabulous college group too and his whole social life has taken off as he does ‘life’ with all these kids. if we were still relying on school, he’d still be lonely. If you have sports at school you could be involved in, you’ll be around the others, otherwise I’d suggest your local church and also getting some work. Life will pick up and won’t always be like this – honest!

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