• Making Friends

Friendship: No response is a response of sorts

August 21, 2013 | By | 7 Replies Continue Reading
When a friend consistently doesn’t respond, it’s usually more than an oversight. No response suggests he’s just not that into you.

QUESTION

Hi Irene,

There’s a guy I kind of like and there are some signs he likes me, too. But when I ask him questions by email, or ask if he’s available to go out he says he’s busy or doesn’t respond.

We see each other weekly and are also Facebook friends, but he seems kind of aloof at times and I was wondering whether he is being a good friend despite the “no response” and if he is at all interested in taking the friendship to a higher level (i.e. romantic).

And yes, I’m willing to hear whether I’m just engaging in wishful thinking. I need to hear it straight up!

Signed, Vicky

ANSWER

Hi Vicky,

I’m not sure what the “signs” of this friend liking you are. Unless they are strong signs, when a friend doesn’t respond to invitations at all, not even saying he is too busy, it’s likely that he’s less interested in you than you are in him.

No response is a passive response, typically used by someone who doesn’t want to hurt the other’s feelings. Perhaps, you are coming on too strong or too fast because of your feelings for him.

Given the situation you have described, I would leave the proverbial ball in his court and see what happens. He’s not showing signs of being a considerate friend let alone showing potential as a romantic partner.

Relationships require interest and initiative on both people’s parts.

Hope this helps.

My best, Irene

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Category: MAKING FRIENDS

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  1. Jeanne says:

    I agree with the others. I would leave the ball in his court and see what happens. Try not to worry. Go out and meet other friends and pursue other activities. I’m sure there are others who will appreciate your company. I’m a married lady in my early fifties, with children still at home. Speaking from personal experience, on a couple of occasions, I’ve extended invitations to casual friends only to receive no response. It’s hurtful, especially when I see them on Facebook or around the neighborhood. I have to assume that for whatever reason they are not interested in me, have poor communication skills or whatever. I just move on. There are other fish in the sea! Good luck, Vicky!

  2. fred says:

    A guy who likes you will not drive you to seek online help to ask these questions. Pls. do yourself a favor and drop your false hopes. He’s not into you.

  3. Amy says:

    I agree too. I think it’s the coward’s way out, but not everyone has the communication skills to be able to respond negatively to message you send.
    You deserve to be with someone who feels the same way you do, a guy that acknowledges you all of the time.

  4. Sheryl says:

    I agree with you 100%. It’s a two-way street.

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