No Friends in High School: Feeling Anxious
When you feel like you have no friends in high school, going to school each day can feel like a struggle.
QUESTION
Hi,
A few weeks ago I started high school. These have been the hardest weeks of my life (for your information, high school for me is 7th through the 12th year).
It has taken some time to get used to changing classrooms and I have gotten mixed up many times. With the load of books we always have to carry, I come home with sore shoulders every day. But the hardest thing of all is making friends.
A few of my primary school friends are in the same school as me. For the first two weeks of school, we ate lunch together and talked but then they found new friends and moved on.
I’ve tried making friends with other people in my classes but they made it clear I wasn’t welcome. And I’ve tried connecting to my friends’ friends but they just think of me as someone they know.
Things have gotten so bad that I just go to the library every break and read or do something on my laptop. I’ve talked to my mum about it but she just says that “when the right time comes I’ll make friends.”
I don’t know if my problem is that I put people off. Every day is a struggle to go to school, especially with my anxiety. It feels like people are just ignoring me. I also can’t say one sentence without saying “um” or messing up a word. I’d really appreciate it if you wrote back as I don’t know what to do now.
Signed, Cherise
ANSWER
Hi Cherise,
Starting high school is a stressful time for almost everyone. I’m sorry you’re having trouble making friends and feel like you have no friends in high school.
A few weeks is a short time to have made new friends and for you, it sounds like your anxiety is increasing rather than decreasing. If you aren’t already seeing a private therapist or counselor for your anxiety, now would be a great time to restart those sessions.
A therapist can help you manage your anxiety in specific situations surrounding making friends so that you’ll be projecting confidence and strength.
We all spend more time thinking about ourselves than others spend thinking about us. It’s likely no one else is noticing when you say “um,: though they may pick up that you’re nervous from your body language.
Anxiety is a medical problem that deserves proper treatment the same way if you had a broken arm you would seek professional help for your healing.
At the same time, look for other kids sitting alone at lunch or those who seem like they might need a friend and join them. They’ll probably appreciate it.
Hope this helps.
Signed, Amy Feld
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Category: HAVING NO FRIENDS
