• Handling Breakups

My Friend Has Lost Interest In Our Friendship

Published: October 30, 2021 | By | 1 Reply Continue Reading

When a friend has lost interest in a friendship, there is not much to do but move on. Friendships are dynamic and change over time.

QUESTION

Hello,

My 42-year-old female friend, whom I’ve known for 18 years, may have lost interest in our friendship. She only wants to see me a few times a year whereas we had been pretty friendly for the past five years. She lives about 30 minutes away and although I don’t have a car, she works near my home.

She recently made a new male friend and being with him seems to be more of a priority for her than being with me. Aside from her ex-boyfriend who was extremely toxic and possessive, I’m the first male friend she’s had.

The new guy has spent a ton of time with her. She told me she really likes his company but only sees him as a friend. I can’t help but feel jealous.

Over the last few years, things have seemed to have declined really fast between us and I can’t seem to fix the situation, even when talking to her about the issues. We used to have a really good friendship but I feel like she’s just not that interested in me anymore. 

We talked on the phone frequently but now it’s only about once every four months. She also is taking a day or more to respond to my texts when she used to respond as soon as possible.

Has my friend lost interest in me?

Signed, Larry

ANSWER

Hi Larry,

It’s always difficult when a friendship ends without any explanation and the decision has been one-sided. But I  think you answered your own question in several different ways.

Yes, your friend has lost interest in you. Your relationship was changing over a period of time, you are having problems communicating, and she’s less available to talk to you by phone or text.

It may be that she is having a hard time giving up the relationship. Perhaps, she feels that she will hurt your feelings or provoke your anger. Although most friendships, even very good ones, don’t last forever, people often have a hard time ending these relationships.

That she is spending a good deal more time with another person is another not too subtle explanation of why she has less time for you, especially if she realizes her other friendship makes you jealous or uncomfortable. Another factor to consider is that her new friend may be possessive (like her ex) and be jealous of her relationship with you or other men.

I would give yourself and this woman a breather for a while by not initiating any contact. If she makes no attempt to reach out to you, I think you’ll come to realize that she has lost interest in the friendship. 

It also sounds like you may be overly dependent on this one relationship. It would be in your best interest to involve yourself in some activities in your own community or pursue some hobbies that you enjoy so you can meet other people to fill the social void in your life.

Hope this is helpful and that you feel better over time.

My best, Irene

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Category: HANDLING BREAKUPS

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  1. Amy says:

    The best thing about long term friendships is that we can see people infrequently and not lose the closeness. I’ve had close friends move away and when they visit it’s as if we saw each other the week before. My experience with friends I’ve had for decades is that sometimes life gets in the way of frequency of contact (love, marriage, children, career, elderly parents, illness, mental health challenges) but the pendulum often swings back and even when it doesn’t, the friendship can remain rich. Personalizing when another person’s priorities change isn’t helpful for the long game of a lifelong relationship. Focusing on friends and acquaintances with similar availabilities can help. Overdependence is another relationship killer, as Irene said.

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