My friend doesn’t want me to have other friends
It’s tricky when a friend is possessive and wants you all to herself.
QUESTION
Dear Irene,
My best friend in high school is rather promiscuous. This trait has never bothered me and, in fact, it’s rather funny and interesting to listen to her crazy exploits. The down side of this is that, in a small town, she has gotten herself quite a bad reputation.
She doesn’t have any other friends (at least friends who she doesn’t regularly sleep with) and is often very hurt when I talk to others in the hallways. So when we are together, I avoid talking to others but since the two of us are together very often, I’ve started to feel a little too isolated. I tried introducing her to my other friends but neither party was too inclined to work at a friendship.
When I decided that I should start reconnecting with my older friends once more, I could see the sadness she felt. She means a lot to me and I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t think I should go on limiting myself in order to avoid hurting her. Is there anything I can do?
Signed, Molly
ANSWER
Hi Molly,
It has to be uncomfortable being the only friend of someone who doesn’t have any other friends and doesn’t want you to have any either. Since you are interested in nurturing other friendships, you need to pursue these relationships while reassuring your friend that you still care about her, too.
Additionally, you probably should initiate an open and honest dialogue with your friend to gauge whether she understands the reputation she has around town. While her promiscuity may be obvious to you, she may not be aware of the way people think/talk about her. Hearing it from someone with whom she feels close, and who isn’t judgmental, may help her gain some insight.
If she is your only friend, you run the risk of other people, who are more judgmental, lumping the two of you together. This certainly could be a problem for you living in a small town.
There is a risk that is approach may unravel the friendship but I think it’s a risk worth taking. Hope this helps.
Warm regards, Irene
Some prior posts on The Friendship Blog about possessive friends:
- Help! My friend is too clingy
- My BFF can’t stand my boyfriend
- My sister is being controlled by a possessive friend
Category: Needy friends
hiya, I know this was posted a while back but it’s the only thing I can find,
I’ve just started secondary school and my bestfriend wants me to herself but I really want to make new friends but when I do my bestfriend gets annoyed with me and doesn’t speak to me! It’s really hard! Any suggestions?
My best friend Emma doesn’t like my other friend abby. Actually they dislike eachother. If I am with abby emma gets jealous but if I’m with emma abby doesn’t get jealous and I love emma so much and don’t want to lose her what do I do?
Hey
I´m having the same problems here and i´ḿ a year 10 even I am stuck its nice to know that your not the only one having problems like this.If you sorted this matter out can you please lend me some tips of what I should do My best friend is Dane and the other friend is Kaur.
Would be wonderful if i can have a asap reply thanks.