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My bestie didn’t make me maid of honor at her wedding

June 20, 2016 | By | 4 Replies Continue Reading
A young woman wonders if she should be upset her bestie didn’t make her maid of honor at her wedding.

QUESTION

Dear Irene,

I have a really close friend that I consider to be my only best friend but I don’t think she really considers me her BEST friend.

She recently just told me she is getting married and that I’m going to be a bridesmaid, but never mentioned anything about being a maid of honor.

I was just wondering if it is normal to be upset that I may never get the chance to be someone’s maid of honor. I feel silly for asking but no one in my life understands why I’m upset over this situation.

Signed, Cheryl

ANSWER

Hi Cheryl,

I can understand your disappointment in not being asked to be the maid of honor at her wedding but brides often have to make tough choices when choosing their bridal party. Often the decision is not theirs alone and is made jointly with the groom or other family members.

You haven’t said whom your friend ultimately chose as her maid of honor—but many brides feel obliged to ask someone in their own family or a sister of the groom, for example. Your friend may also have more than one best friend.

It’s natural to be disappointed if you were assuming you would play this role but remember that she did include you in her bridal party.

You need to get over this disappointment and put it in perspective. Make every effort to be a supportive and understanding friend and bridesmaid and remember that this day, and the party, is about her, not you.

Given that you only have this one best friend and she is heading towards a big life transition, you may also want to branch out and try to make other friends.

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene

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Category: Bridezillas and other monsters, KEEPING FRIENDS

Comments (4)

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  1. Amy F says:

    Sometimes people attribute arbitrary means to situations that aren’t based in actuality,
    If X means Y and if X doesn’t happen. It means Z. If my friend texts me back right away, it means I’m important, if she doesn’t, I’m not important to her, for example,

    Being disappointed about an expectation is understandable, though if you’re feeling Disappointed with a capital D, you’re probably focusing on the wrong aspects of your relationship. She asked you to be in the wedding! That’s something to be excited about.

    Another vote for branching out on your friendships. I don’t believe friends need to be ranked. They all bring unique gifts to the relationship. As we get older, relationships can ebb and flow based on external life circumstances, job, kids, sick parents, matti ago etc. The more friends you have, the easier time you’ll have dealing with inevitable changes along the way. With one best friend, there can be an intense focus you wouldn’t have with multiple close friends.

  2. LauraSL says:

    Spot on, Irene!

  3. Linda says:

    I like Irene’s reply here — a lot of good things to think about. Another thought for you: Try to savor the honor of being asked to be a bridesmaid and look forward to the festivities ahead. Think of what you can do to help your friend with her wedding plans. You’ll enjoy yourself more if you focus on the positive.

    I also like the idea of branching out and strengthening other friendships you have. While everyone tends to romanticize the idea of a “best friend,” it’s impossible for one friend to meet your friendship needs 24/7. Your best friend’s life is going to move in different directions once she’s married, as Irene suggested, and you will want to have other friends to fill out your social life.

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