A misunderstanding with a primadonna

QUESTION

Irene,

I had a wonderful friendship with a female friend for the past five years. But, our friendship ended recently due to her being angry at me for cancelling my plans to attend her concert last Sunday.

My son’s birthday party ended up being on the same day, so I felt that my family comes first. I made the mistake of requesting that she reimburse me for the cost of my ticket for the concert. Now, she won’t return any of my voice mail messages, even though I let her know that I was sorry and that I value our friendship. I even invited her to have lunch at my home so that we could talk. I can’t just show up at her doorstep, yet I feel a big void and want to re-connect with her.

She sent me a note that said that I "conveniently forgot" to pay her for a concert that we went to three summers ago. Had she reminded me, I would have gladly paid her the money I owed her. But, it was purely an oversight on my part. Her other note said, "Have a good life…I’ll be praying for you." Needless to say, I was shocked and hurt when I read it.

Should I just let it go and accept the fact that our friendship is over, or should I continue to try to contact her? She has given the "silent treatment" to someone else that used to be her friend, too

Signed,

Renee

ANSWER

Dear Renee,

It sounds like there is something inherently wrong with this friendship. A solid friendship would never end over this misunderstanding alone.

How could a friend be so self-centered to expect you to attend her concert rather than your son’s birthday party? Whether or not she is a mother herself, doesn’t she understand how you feel about your son?

How could you ask her to reimburse you for the tickets when it was you who changed your mind? And didn’t you expect that she might be disappointed? Asking for the money back was insulting.

How could she seethe for three years about money she thought you "conveniently forgot to pay her" without saying something soonerr?

You both need to think about whether this is a friendship worth saving. And you can’t make your friend talk to you if she isn’t able to or doesn’t want to.

For now, let go and give the friendship a break. If you want to clear your conscience, send her the money you owe her.

If she approaches you again, you can try to talk candidly about what happened. If that doesn’t happen, it’s over. I hope this is helpful. Let us know what happens.

Best,

Irene

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Comments (2)

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  1. Marisa says:

    I think the LW is the one with the problem. She accepts an invitation to see her friend’s concert and then schedules her sons party for the same day? Also the fact that she outrageously wants back her concert ticket money shows she is cheap and selfish and most probably knowingly did not pay her friend back for the previous event.

  2. Belle says:

    Just curious. Why did you schedule your son’s birthday on a day you’d already made a previous commitment to your friend? Was it simply the only day you could have it?

    Also, asking for reimbursement on tickets makes me wonder about you not having paid her back for previous concert.

    I’m just saying.

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