In the Media – What psychologies learnt in 2013
Psychologies
The U.K. publication Psychologies made a year-end list compiling their favorite parts of each issue (which offers research, tips and advice). The September 2013 listing featured a snippet from their interview with The Friendship Doctor.
September
Some people suit having one best friend, whereas for other people, it’s more important to have several friends. ‘Not everyone needs a best friend’ says Irene S Levine, psychologist and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Breakup With Your Best Friend (Overlook Press, £11). ‘People can serve different roles in your life and your losses aren’t as great if you have many friends as opposed to losing one best friend.’
Click here to read the entire article.
Category: IN THE MEDIA
Carol,
I really like what you said here: “when evaluating whether or not to make a friendship with someone, what is it I am seeking in getting closer to this person?” WOW — I’ve never thought of that before, but as soon as I read it, that question completely resonated with me. What a great question to ask as we seek new friendships or rethink our old ones. Thank you!
Happy New Year to everyone. I have read this article and it is full of helpful reminders of how to explore the idea of a friendship or many of them. It seems one of the questions I have learned I needed to ask myself when evaluating whether or not to make a friendship with someone, is what is it I am seeking in getting closer to this person? For many years I think the answer was to find someone who would protect me from others or even myself when I felt very alone in the world. Each involvement taught me more and more about what I was really looking for in a person. For me it all had to do with trying to create the relationship(s) that would replace the family relationships that were greatly lacking in helping me to feel secure in my world.
It’s been hard work to come to realize for me personally, the best friend I have found is Carol. When I once was so critical of her and did not show all of me to others simply because I didn’t know her very well. I would do a whole lot of “faking it” in order to try to convince myself I could be who the other person wanted me to be. Now with 1 month away from 75, I know the only person I need to be enough for…is me. My work on the issue of having friends certainly is not ovr. I believe we go on in life wanting very much to “belong.” So I guess my work continues to be learning where I want to belong and recognizing those other human beings who see Carol and think I am enough just being who I am. I can still trip myself up, but now I can talk to myself and ask important questions I know I need to ask when meeting new people in my life. Today, I think instead of saying, “I am so lonely.” I feel what is more truthful is that I am so lucky to be alone.
Carol
Hi Sandra, Thank you for your kind comment. Others may wonder why it is I mention my age so often. Not that I need to explain, but it is important because it has taken me a very long time to see me at the center of my life and the one responsible for all of it. Yes, some things that happened to me as a child were unable to be understood then. However, now I know the parents and grandparent (Grandmother), were unconscious then just as many of are today. It was even harder then because so little was understood about the subconscious power that can run out lives. So while I am sure I haven’t forgiven all, I have worked hard on attempting to understand why any of us hurt others. That includes the many times I hurt others.
Mentioning my age is important as to who I am now and how I feel about the courage of those who are on this blog and take a step out to find others who may understand their pain. I am always exploring ways to be at peace in my life. I have lived alone before, but I did not have the awareness of myself I have at this age. Previously exploration usually left me in great fear and that something was wrong with me. I may have shared this before: Psychic vitality is not inherited, nor is it to be found outside ourselves. We must create it on our own. When we live an authentic life, reality itself becomes completely different. But it isn’t cheaply won, not by cheating or craftiness. We must drink the bitter cup of confronting a world which may consider us to be an unnecessary nuisance. Also Carotenuto.
When I find a resource which talks to my heart, I listen. This is the first blog I have ever made a decision to he part of. It’s such an important issue in life and I thank Irene for creating it for all of us to share.
Take care Sandra.