Lonely in my senior year at high school
A student in his senior year at high school yearns for a social life.
QUESTION
Hi,
So it is my senior year at high school. I’ve gone to the same school for four years and have slowly gotten lonelier. I am active within organizations and sports teams in my school. My two best friends have moved away. I have only hung out with a friend one time outside of school in four months–and that was with my one best friend who came back home.
I am thought of as “popular-ish” at school. People talk to me. Everyone sees me as outgoing and friendly. Everyone thinks I have lots of friends.
As stated before I only have hung out with a friend once. It isn’t as if I don’t try to get people to hang. They just won’t. I don’t act arrogant and I compliment people daily and I don’t have a short temper. I also have tried talking to many different types of people in my school. People have even told me that I always make their day. I just wish I could make friends that want to hang out with me outside of school. Any advice?
Signed, Marc
ANSWER
Dear Marc,
It sounds to me like you have friends and people who like you, but what you’re lacking is a social life. When best friends move away, at any age, they leave a big hole in your life and that’s hard for anyone. I bet your classmates would probably be surprised that you haven’t been hanging out just as you might be surprised some of them have also been lonely.
A few thoughts: If there are any new kids in your school, they’d probably be thrilled to hang out or have you show them fun places in your town. Sometimes inviting a potential friend to study for a test or to go for pizza after a game is a good way to turn an acquaintance into a friend or to get to know someone better. You’re wise to realize talking to a variety of people is the way to meet different types of people. You might also try joining a new club, like volunteering to help with props or lighting for a school play.
You’re already doing all the right things and people like you, so don’t be discouraged. Sometimes the pressures of high school lessen during the senior year leaving students with more time than when they were applying for colleges. You might also think about getting part-time work to fill your time. It could also enhance your resume and give you a chance to meet new people.
The good news: A new world of friendships will await you after graduation as well.
Good luck!
Signed, Amy
*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.
Category: KEEPING FRIENDS, Young adult friendships
Sorry for hogging your post thingy… (I’m Internet illiterate) but I’ve been feeling the same way and everyone has already formed they’re long lasting friendships and whenever I try to jjhang with a new group of people I’m discluded. I guess I deserve seeing how I spent my previous years kissing up to the “cool kids” in order to go to their party’s and sit at their tables but now I realize none of them were my friends. My real friends left and I can’t seem to find new ones. So how did you guys do it?
That was some pretty solid advice I kinda agree with but I feel like I’m so much more than I’m being if that makes any sense? I’m a senior in high school and I kinda stick with the same group of people but over the years more and more of them are moving away or I just don’t see them as much. I just think I’m missing out on my chance to grab life adventure and try new things. Sure you can do all that on your own but what’s an adventure without company what’s a discovery without a witness. Basically I’m just saying how can I enjoy high school when I don’t enjoy being alone.
Sorry It was meant to be for Carol.
You are at the beginning of exploring who you are right now. There is much more to you that you may have not encouraged to come out of the shadows. Seek those who treat you well and are willing to be encouraging to you. No, you will not most likely be shy the rest of your life, but it may remain a part of you for good reason. I believe shy people take their time and maybe make friendships that are helpful to them. In my personal view of my life so far, everything takes time and the willingness to learn how to learn things we want in our lives. Sometimes people are drawn to shy people because they are shy too. Some people feel pressure to be social (liked)but have a strong desire to be a loner. Having confidence in yourself by being your best friend. The rest of your life is ahead of you; find your own way.
The self esteem is another problem of mine and also I feel like everybody except my family hates me…Some of my classmates are sometimes mean to me for no reason .I have a lot of problems but thank you for yor wonderful words.
I was so shy as a young person and it took me a very long time to not be so shy. Even at a much older age than you, I can still feel shy at times. Find someone to talk with that you trust. And not someone who will say things that are no supportive. We all are who we are. Thousands of people in our world are shy and usually it is a part of you and who you are. I believe what helped me was to begin to try things I felt afraid about doing. Usually it was something or a person I really liked and wanted to get to know. There are many suggestions in books and online to help you take the steps to having less fear about just being who you are. Just like others are loud and very out there, you are shy and reserved. Don’t put yourself down about it or anything else you are. When I begin to find other who liked me and were supportive, I began to be less shy with them. One friendship at a time was the way I did my young life; learning to trust one person at a time. Today when I meet someone who is obviously very shy even as an adult, I am patient and careful not to scare them away. If there are parts of us we don’t like, then work on changing that part, but respect yourself no matter what. Being part of this blog will help you find ways to challenge the idea that you don’t have choices as to how you express yourself…YOu DO! And by the way I am pretty outgoing now…but can still sometimes feel shy. I just have to try to understand why particular situations or people make me feel more shy than other times. Good luck and take care.
I understand what you meant but I hate that shyness of mine…Please don t tell me that I am going to be lie that for the rest of my life…I just want to be myself wen othres are around ..I feel like I am hiding myself…
I have the same problem…the different thing is that I am very shy and I don t know how to heal myself..
Great advice!
That was meant for Carol!
I am an older person, however I have worked with many young people during my career in education. Most importantly I have been a senior in high school. When I look back, I, like you had many friends (connections), was liked and part of the popular group of kids. However, I never felt it was my “real” place in my young life. Now, I realize that I was becoming who I am today. I am a explorer, a person who loves to be on her own hiking in the woods, searching out new places to photograph animals and birds. I am not afraid anymore because I realize the best friend I ever had was myself. I have friends who know and accept who I am. If I need help from them for any reason, they are there. However, I don’t have to be anyone but myself for them to be in my life. I believe the best friend you will ever have is yourself. Maybe its time to find someone who understands this approach to growing up and share with them how you are feeling. “The more you are like the others, the more secure you will feel,yet the more your heart will ache, the more dreams will be troubled and the more your soul will slip off into silences.” James Hollis. Be your best friend, seek what you need from those who will encourage you to find your own path in life. I wish you courage to be.
Carol
Great advice, Carol.
Dear Carol, I’m 16 and I think I am also a kind of person who enjoys my own company. Actually before reading your advice I felt a little ashamed of me when I found myself truly having a greater desire to be alone mostly to be reading, watching films and making art works or even eating out than to be around many people except the ones I knew they have loved me! Your advice gave me so much hope and positive energy and also a great vision of my future. I just felt like I had to thank you for all the confidence and hope I gained while reading your advice! Thanks xx
Helia, Good for you for finding your place in your life. High School, even when I was your age which was a very long time ago, was trying for me. But then I didn’t know it was ok to find my own place where I was comfortable. I encourage you to listen to your heart and continue to be where and with whom you feel comfortable and safe and most of all, respected. I appreciate your connecting and wish you the very best!
Carol