In the Media – Why we keep legacy friends (On Attn:)
Attn: (screenshot)
Legacy friends might be defined as old once-friends that we still consider friends—people with whom we have a rich history—but with whom we don’t share a friendship right now.
Are these people still friends? It probably depends on whom you ask. Is it worthwhile to try to resurrect legacy friendships? It depends.
Writing on the millennial website Attn:, writer Danielle DeCourcey posed questions like this to The Friendship Doctor and others.
She writes:
Psychologist and author of The Friendship Blog, Irene S. Levine, explained her definition of legacy friendships to ATTN via email. A legacy friend is a person you had a strong bond with in your past but the friendship no longer has any “currency” in in your life, according to Levine…
“…Some legacy friendships can be healthy and rewarding if both friends have the same expectations of the friendship, and enjoy each other’s company,” said Levine. “If the legacy friend is overly demanding, boring, or difficult to be with, any one of a variety of other reasons, it’s no longer rewarding and can be a source of stress.”
Click here to read the article on legacy friends in its entirety.
Category: IN THE MEDIA
Some people hang on to “legacy friends” merely because it’s hard to make new friends as an adult.
I like the term “legacy friend” — I haven’t heard it before. A few years ago, I rekindled a friendship with a legacy friend from high school. She was part of a group I hung out with, and not really a bestie. I went off to college (my got married right out of high school) and we drifted apart and lost touch with her over the next 30-plus years. We were reacquainted at a reunion and started getting together socially about 5 years ago, and I started including her in my circle of friends.
I’m not so sure this was a great idea. Turns out that my legacy friend’s social life is limited to mostly family and her husband. Sadly, she automatically assumes that she and I are now “best friends”, because we have the past in common — and that we should spend even more time together. She is openly envious of the other close friendships I’ve developed over the past 30 years, and seems to think we should pick up where we left off as though those years never happened. That is impossible, of course, since my real best friends are those who’ve been in the trenches of life with me — including parenthood — during those key years.
I enjoy her company on occasion, but I don’t want to spend most of my free time with this one friend. So I’ve found myself trying to create a more comfortable distance between myself and my “legacy friend” now.