In the Media – It is okay to have small group of friends (HerCampus.com)
hercampus.com
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Writing for HerCampus.com, an online magazine for collegians, , writer Ana Rocha explains why it’s okay to have a small group of friends rather than large numbers. She points out that graduation from college makes it tougher to make and maintain friendships than it once was before.
In the article entitled, 6 Reasons It’s Okay to Have a Small Group of Friends, she writes:
A lot of adjustments come with the end of college, and one of the hardest is moving away from your friends. For the past four years, you’ve pretty much spent all day every day with your besties, who were literally across the hall, street or campus.
But now, whether you’re living in a new city or all your college friends have moved away, it can feel like suddenly, you have… no friends. But instead of hashtagging everything on social media with #NoNewFriends and comforting yourself with a large jar of Nutella, you should be celebrating the friends you do have, no matter how few or far away…
She interviewed The Friendship Doctor and writes:
Dr. Levine says that people differ in the amount of friends they need.
“Some people are very content with one best friend; others like to be surrounded by a changing cast of people,” Dr. Levine explains.
What is important, she says, is to recognize your own needs and make sure they are met.
“Have at least one or two solid friendships based on mutual respect,” suggests Dr. Levine. “Life is more enjoyable when there are friends to help us share our successes and our sorrows.”
Click here to read the HerCampus article in its entirety.
Category: KEEPING FRIENDS
My mom made having friends sooooo important. When I was in elementary, after we moved, I was bullied. In those days, the word “bully” did not exist and boy were mean because they liked you. Today, we know that is not true. My mom felt that somehow if I told her that someone was mean to me that somehow I was not kind enough or that I did something wrong, not that it was the other kids and we have to fix a problem. It was not all my mom’s fault, that was the way it was in those days. But, we know better today.
So, when I learned or felt as a teenager like I wanted to be alone or I needed to recharge, I felt bad and would push myself to go out to dance clubs, which was not my thing, with people I hardly liked because I felt my mom expected that of me and it pleased her to see me with lots of friends, even though they were the wrong friends for me. As an adult, I know that I am an introvert, opposite of my mother who is very much an extrovert. The other day, I was talking to her over skype and she was telling me how she went shopping with a friend or her outings with other people and I do not go out as much. I told her that I am a bit of an introvert. She said negatively, “then you are like my mother” this was an insult because she has told us numerous times that she hates her mother. That her mother was never really good with people.
But, I prefer one or two friends. I am also a twin and she is one of my best friends. So, I don’t want my kids to feel inadequate in any way if they do not have tons of friends. I want them to find that one person and hopefully build a life and be content and comfortable with the people they have chosen for their circle, no matter how small or big. That is what I hope for my kids. I am also very happy that my mother lives over seas and we see her for one to two weeks for once a year and that is still more than I can handle from her. Emotional my mother is not. So, I am glad she is at a distance from my and my family because she could be toxic to us. With her not around and only a few skype calls once or twice a week, I do not have to feel bad for either not going out as much as she does or for having smaller parties than she would have for my kids. At my kids birthdays, I have 7 kids there and sometimes less, but it is very small. Always! My mother would have bigger parties for us, but I never liked it. I remember her saying “c’mon! you have to have a party!!!” So we did. But, it was always more about her than about us and the kind of host she was and what she could do for other people. I don’t do that for my kids. It is small, partially because I hate having a lot of people all at one time in my house and i do not have a lot of people to invite. I hope my kids will be okay with this. So far, I have had no complaints from them. They are still too young to realize how many kids were there, for them 6 kids is more than enough for a “party”.
But, I still hear criticism from my mother about how small my kids parties were or that I should at least have done something more. There is always something when talking to my mother to feel guilty about and usually it is about not having as many as relationships as she has or about me being an introvert.
I try to teach my kids that it is important to treat everyone with respect but not everyone is your friend. I also tell them to stand up for each other because we are the people that matter the most, except for when they marry and have families of their own. But, in life as you get older, high school friends go and if your lucky you keep in touch with one or two of them but nothing is constant. Only your view, character, morals and your marriage and children are important. Friends leave all the time. But family is important and so is respect.