• Resolving Problems

Introduced my guy friend to a girlfriend and…

Published: March 4, 2015 | By | 14 Replies Continue Reading
A woman introduces a guy friend to her girlfriend and they leave her in the dust.



I have a very close guy friend. I introduced him to a new girlfriend who was part of my friendship circle, but since then it feels like they are kicking me to the curb. They never invite me to do stuff with them. I just hear what they did afterwards and they never invite me to join them.

A few weeks ago, I held a valentine braai (South African barbeque) for all my single friends at my house. There were about six people already there and they (my guy friend and the new lady friend) came about five hours late. Then my guy friend and I had a fight and they left. We haven’t talked since Saturday and the whole evening was a disaster because he upset me so much.

Signed, Angie


Hi Angie,

Your guy friend has disappointed you. After you introduced him to your new girlfriend, your close relationship seemed to erode.

If the couple has connected romantically, they have no obligation to include you in everything they do but they haven’t been gracious. Coming to your home so late for the party was downright rude. I’m sure you were angry and upset by the time they arrived.

This is a complicated situation but it sounds like you want to maintain the friendship with your male friend. If you do, you and he need to figure out a way that works for both of you. Can you take a deep breath and tell him you’re happy he and your new friend like each other, but miss your friendship?

He may be feeling guilty about what happened or may sense that you are angry with him. His new girlfriend may be very jealous of his relationship with you and may have asked him to sever the friendship. You need to find out what he’s feeling and see whether it’s possible to rebuild the friendship.

If he’s not eager to do so now, you may need to wait until some time elapses before things straighten out. I can understand your hurt but friendships are voluntary. You can’t force someone to remain friends if they are no longer interested.

Also, given how he has treated you, you may decide that YOU no longer want to remain friends.

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene

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Comments (14)

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  1. shanaya says:

    Hi Angie,

    Let him know that u r hurt by his behavior…if he acknowledges his mistake and apologizes accept it…else if he gets defensive let him go..there are many gud guys out there to be befriended 🙂

  2. Marcus Hope says:

    These things happen. It is best for them to do their thing like the honeymoon phase. The thing is they should also consider your feelings since they would not had met without you. I feel the pain, but don’t worry there is always hope; give them a second or maybe a third chance explaining that you may still want to be friends. Good luck. But if it was me I might gice them one chance if they don’t take it I would move on to your other friends that are still with you.

  3. Sarah Anne says:

    They sound very rude considering they met through you.

  4. Laura says:

    Of course they are free to date, but if they are dating and didn’t let Angie know directly, they demonstrated a lack of sensitivity.

    Showing up so late for the party was rude and gives the impression they were flaunting their relationship, as they appear to be too “busy” to get there on time.

  5. Dionne says:

    You didn’t say if they are dating but it sounds like they are. I think that in reality most opposite sex platonic friendships just don’t last after one of them couples up.

    I wondered why you invited them to a barbecue that was “for all your single friends,” though. Unless your only counting “married” as “not single” for some reason or unless they’re not romantically involved. Which is not to say showing up five hours late isn’t rude. But it just made me wonder if there are some kind of passive-aggressive “messages” going on both ways here…

  6. Amy F says:

    Definitely sounds like they have romantic feelings for each other. Are you feeling pangs of jealousy that they have formed a twosome? That would be understandable, since you hadn’t anticipated the reaction. Do you have any feelings of friendship for your guy friend? I’m having a hard time seeing what your guy friend did that’s so awful, if he and she are dating. I’ve felt left out when friends start dating, but I’m also happy that they are having fun and maybe more. I love hearing how their dates were etc.

  7. Maddie says:

    It sounds as if they hit it off romantically. This is the risk you took when you introduced them. Yes, their behavior has not been the best, but they most likely are picking up on your animosity and disapproval.

    Romance is going to trump friendship every time. It may not be right but it’s just how it is. Perhaps you are not as close of friends as you perceived.

    One thing that is universal is that hostility drives people away.

    • Mrs. Chen says:

      I guess one question for Angie to ask herself is — what actions has her guy friend taken to mitigate Angie’s feelings of being left out after introducing them to each other. It falls to him to reassure his “close friend” that nothing between them has changed even though he is now seeing Angie’s friend romantically.

      If Angie is so angry then I have to think that he has done little to mitigate the situation. And certainly arriving 5 hours late to her party is beyond inconsiderate, almost seems that he is purposely flaunting and trying to hurt her feelings. That, or he just doesn’t care about Angie at all. I wouldn’t even do that to someone I know just superficially.

      • Mrs. Chen says:

        Let my clarify — It falls on him to take the initiative to allay Angie’s feelings because he, not she, is the one who is doing something that is changing their existing relationship.

      • Maddie says:

        I think there’s probably more to the story imo.

    • Lauren says:

      Agree with Maddie and Dionne and the others on this topic. Romantic relationships do trump friendships. I may seem unfair, but really that’s the way it is.

  8. Mrs. Chen says:

    Hi Angie,
    You should demote him to “acquaintance”. And, from now on, raise your standards for “very close friend(ship)”.

    He didn’t just turn into this selfish, rude person who holds you in no special regard. I am sure that if you look back, you’ll find many instances of his bad behavior. So cut your loses and cut him loose. Let them have each other while you devote your friendship to the other 6 people and other friends.

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