In the Media – When is it time to break up with a friend? (Prevention)
Screenshot (Prevention)
October 6, 2015
You may be wondering whether a friendship is worth all the angst it’s been causing you. If so, you aren’t the first one who has had thoughts like that. On Prevention.com, writer Kasandra Brabaw has penned an article outlining 6 Signs It’s Time To Break Up With A Friend.
She writes:
Research shows that a stressful relationship with friends, family, or partners can cause health problems like high blood pressure and increased depression risk. And even if a friendship was once good, a big argument, betrayal, or just a gradual shift in expectations can lead to an unhealthy relationship filled with jealousy, criticism, or disappointment.
“It’s almost like a marriage sometimes. You get so used to being with someone that you just accept them with their frailties or limitations,” says Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert who runs The Friendship Blog. She suggests taking time to think about your friendships every once in awhile and make sure they’re making you happy. “You should clean out your friendships like you clean out your closet—you can’t just keep collecting things without going through it,” says Levine.
Still, it can be difficult to recognize when a friendship has run its course and is now doing you more harm than good. Here, 6 signs it’s time to call it quits…
Click here to read the Prevention article in its entirety.
Category: IN THE MEDIA, OTHER ADVICE
This is all new to me. I mean why have the friend “break up” in the first place? I have “fallen” out of friendships with people before. But, I kind of just did the “i am busy” thing or the “fade out” kind of thing. And, I am sure it was done to me, but I am glad to words were voiced. I would rather have someone do the fade out method anyway. I look back on some friends and miss them, but if I feel that way, I can always call, there was no bad blood. In fact, I did that today with a friend I have no seen in years. I thought about her missed her. I did the fade out thing, because I was married and small kids. She was single but has teenagers. Different stages in life. Nothing to talk about, we drifted. Priorities different. Also, I did not like being with her, she was often angry about life. Anyway, I called her up today and she was happy to hear from me etc. We said maybe we’d meet up in the future. That is how we left it. With the fade out, you can always rekindle touch at a later date. Who knows….I did the fade out method recently with a friend. Who knows what may happen somewhere down the line. The road is long. The only “break yp” you need to have, I am convinced is with a lover, boyrfriend, girlfriend, partner, husband or wife.
Hi, In my experience sometimes you have to say something to get rid of people. In the last 6 years I have tried the “Fade out” thing but both times they kept bothering me, so with one woman I didnt speak to her for a few weeks, then she wanted to bring me her birthday invite, so I had to tell her I wasnt going to attend which led to me having to say I wanted to call it quits. She then left a birthday present for me at my house, which I didnt want and had already told her nicely, but it escalated into her texting me and being quite nasty. The other one had to be told as we were supposed to spend Xmas with them, but after her bad behavier and my realisation I wanted to quit a bad situation, again I got nasty texts from this person. Both people couldnt take no for an answer and took it upon themselves to have a go…instead of just accepting it when firstly told them it was over…some people are a little nutty lol.
“Fade out” is my favorite way to defriend someone.
However, with some friends (particularly if a betrayal such as badmouthing me on FB or interfering in my marriage has taken place) ‘fade out’ doesn’t work.
It’s really no use discussing ‘betrayals’ because the friend will deny it or say you ‘had it coming’ due to some previous slight (imagined or perceived).
my favorite way to de-friend someone? Who has a favorite way of de=-friending? It says you do it often and have issues with confrontation and you don’t respect your own feelings and have no boundaries.
It’s you not them!
Hi Tania,
With all due respect, to be very honest, I tend to find the “fade out” method unfair to the person who is being let go. If that person really likes you, it will probably be very painful for them because there is no closure. I have just broken up with a friend who “faded out” for a year. It has been one of the most difficult experiences I have ever had, the waiting, the hoping, the feeling of disbelief, the feeling that someone I could trust so much would just not be upfront about something as important as a best friendship… I would say, it is better to say things, diplomatically, than to just pretend nothing is going on. Friends are hopefully intelligent enough to understand that we do not wish them ill when we say we need to put distance between us. Best wishes.
My friend broke off our friendship, but in retrospect, it was a good thing. She had unfair expectations of me, was clinging, needy, and anxiously attached to our friendship. Towards the end of our friendship, I would feel dread in my stomach and my heart would sink whenever she’d call, text, or message me on Facebook. Now I’m glad she ended the friendship, even if I was unhappy about it at first. Always listen to your body.