I’m having problems making friends at a small school

Because there are limited choices, making friends at a small school can be very challenging.

QUESTION

Hi!

My name is Allie and I am 12 years of age. I was wondering: I am going off to a camp soon with my classmates. They are all kind-of friends but I am more the awkward one.

I’m shy and I don’t really know how to act around people. I have anxiety, which tends to get me down when I go away from home. But anyways, is there anything I can do to regain my friendships back?

When I try to make friends I think I come off as weird. Nobody laughs when I say something, they all go off on their own and I sort of follow. I think that is considered to be annoying. The problem with where I go to school is there are only 20 kids in the WHOLE school so I can’t make any new friends there unless I become BFFs with the kindergarteners… this is probably sounding very confusing, but help is needed! Bye.

Signed, Allie

ANSWER

Dear Allie,

Your letter doesn’t sound confusing. If there are only twenty students in your whole school–I can understand how making friends would be difficult.

It’s no fun feeling awkward and different from your classmates, but I bet you aren’t the only one who feels that way. Lots of girls are insecure but they act like they’re more confident than they feel.

People love to feel like you’re interested in them, so showing you care about what they have to say is a good way to have people want to be around you. Ask for their opinions or what they’re thinking is one method for showing that you care.

If there is one girl who seems friendlier than the others, you can also try striking up a conversation with her. Also, if there is another girl who also seems shy, you can talk to her and try to help her feel more comfortable.

As for your anxiety, try reminding yourself that being nervous is just a temporary feeling that will pass. Feelings can’t hurt you; they can only make you feel uncomfortable. Lots of people find deep breathing exercises helpful for tension. If you take in a slow, deep breath, hold it for a few seconds then slowly exhale. Your heart rate will diminish and you should feel calmer. You can do this a few times a day, even when you’re not feeling anxious and that should help with your overall sense of calm.

I hope you have a great time camping!

Signed, Amy

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

Tags: 12-year-old, children, children’s friendships, friendship, friendship problem, making friends, small school

Category: Child and adolescent friendships