I can’t make friends…could it be my voice or my bad relationship with my mother?

March 29, 2012 | By | 1 Reply Continue Reading

QUESTION 

Hi Irene,

I’m trying to understand why I can’t make many friends, especially female ones.
It does affect me; sometimes I wish I could share my life with other people. I
never had a healthy relationship with my mother, which probably explains why I
don’t get close to many female friends.

 

Another reason could be my voice. I
was born with a voice that is extremely soft and childish. Most of the time,
people think I am in my teens although I am 25 years old. I am seriously
considering having surgery as I can’t seem to connect with other people.

Signed, Anne Marie

 

ANSWER

Hi Anne Marie,

Your note provides limited information
but here are a few thoughts.

 

Let’s start with your concerns about your voice.
Before you do something as drastic as undergo surgery, I hope you will consult
with a voice coach or speech therapist. You may be able to learn ways to
project your voice so you speak more loudly. Nevertheless, unless you speak so
low that people can’t hear you, I suspect that you are more uncomfortable about
your voice than are other people.

 

Regardless of your relationship with your
mother, you have a good part of your life ahead of you and need to find positive
ways to move forward. Given your concerns about connecting and communicating with friends, one step you might
consider would be joining Toastmasters,
a non-profit organization that helps people build their communication,
leadership and social skills. It may help build your self-confidence, and would
give you the chance to meet and get honest feedback from others.

Hope this is helpful.

Warm regards, Irene

 

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Hi … firstly it is a very brave thing to do to admit that you have trouble sustaining a friendship. Let me reiterate that you are not alone and it is not uncommon. I have been reading up on articles! let me share something with you…. I have built up a career, I have 3 children, and I have a partner but yet I can honestly say hand on heart that I have not had a best friend since I was 10! So believe it or not, you can have a fulfilling and successful life without friends because I have done it and been there xx It is lonely at times as I have drifted through not being able to phone a friend and say do you remember when we did that … but there are positive ways to turn things around and you are strong enough and young enough to be able to do that. good luck and all the best x

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