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Getting comfortable with a new circle of friends

Published: April 23, 2013 | Last Updated: April 23, 2013 By | 1 Reply Continue Reading
A new girl on the block has questions about getting involved with a new circle of friends 

QUESTION

Hi Dr. Levine,

I am a 25-year-old woman who recently moved and made a new circle of friends. I love all of these girls and they’ve really welcomed me into their group with open arms. Because they’re been a tight-knit group for so long, the four of them have inside jokes and memories they love to talk about, which I was obviously not around for.

I don’t want to seem childish and complain about it because I know they don’t do it to hurt me, but it does. I’ve also grown particularly possessive of one girl whom I am closest with. I am hoping that this feeling dissolves with time, as I am still relatively new to the “circle” but I don’t want to be clingy and ruin the friendship in the meantime.

Any advice?

Signed, Linda

ANSWER

Dear Linda,

It’s obvious that this group of friends likes you as much as you like them—since they have embraced you as part of their inner circle.

When someone joins any group as a newcomer, there’s a group history that precedes them. My advice would be to not complain about their inside jokes. Instead, ask interested questions once in a while to learn about their history, and giggle along with the group, even if you aren’t sure what they are laughing about. Before long, you will have a shared history with the group and become an “insider” too.

Regarding your feeling closer to one person in the group: It’s natural that in any group, special relationships may develop between two individuals. You are probably feeling a little bit insecure and relating to one person can be somewhat comforting. Proceed slowly. You can invite this woman to coffee outside the group to get to know each other better. But your instinct to not be “too clingy” at the onset of any new relationship is a good one.

Hope this helps. Congratulations on your move~

Best, Irene

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Category: KEEPING FRIENDS, Moving and friendship

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  1. Kristen says:

    It’s so hard to be accepted into a new group. Irene has given you some good advice, though, it will probably just take some time and then you’ll have inside jokes with them too.

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