Her other best friend

Published: January 24, 2011 | Last Updated: January 24, 2011 By | 5 Replies Continue Reading



My friend just moved here during the summer, and ever since then we’ve been really good friends. I feel like I can tell her anything and talk about anything. I think we hit Best Friend Status, but I really don’t know because she’s always talking about her best friend where she used to live and tells me all these stories about her. Not to be mean but-I really don’t care.


What am I supposed to say? I feel like if I tell her how I feel she’ll turn to her other best friend, because maybe she’ll think, "Oh, I don’t need her, I have my best friend from back home." Aside from that problem, I love our friendship right now and I don’t want to do or say anything that will break it apart. So please, advise?




Hi Lara,

It may be hard-and even a little boring- to hear your friend talk about her other best friend and all they did together. But listening is part of being a good friend. Think about it: If your friend were to move, how would you feel if she stopped talking to you, thinking about you, and being your friend? The fact that she’s still in touch with her friend from her old town shows that she’s a good friend. My guess is if she is a good friend to her, she will be a good friend to you.


Contrary to what some people think, it’s possible to have several best friends-both simultaneously and serially. If we’re lucky, we collect a number of best friends through different life experiences or at different stags of our life. We remain in touch with some of them and lose contact with others. Some people consider their friends "best friends" even if they don’t see them very often.


Your friend may be having a harder time adjusting to her new living situation than she is letting on. Let her talk about her past while you do things together. I am certain as she feels more settled and confident in her new surroundings she will talk less about her other best friend because she will be building new friendships and memories. You should also use this getting-to-know you phase of your friendship to share stories about your own past with your friend. Since you get along so well, it’s likely that she wants to be a friend in the same way that you do.


Not to sound too corny but do you know that song from Girl Scouts…Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold?



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Comments (5)

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  1. Lily says:

    Get over it and don’t be so mean

  2. Anonymous says:

    I was also struck by the “I dont care”. Friends care! Lara you must be young, please remember that friendships arent all about you. do you wonder what you bring to the friendship rather than what you get?

  3. Sara says:

    I don’t know if I’d call Lara narcissistic, but definitely selfish. That comment struck me as well. Friendship is definitely a give and take… and personally, I’d feel honoured that she felt close enough to me to share information with me about her past.

    I moved to another continent about a year and a half ago, and I really appreciate the friends that allowed me to open up about my friends and life from the past. I don’t talk about that stuff as much now that I’m getting more settled here, but that past has made me who I am. I’ve been able to form closer connections with the people who have shown an interest in getting to know me and my past, even though what we focus on is our present and future together. It would really hurt me if I found out that one of my friends had an attitude like Lara — “Not to be rude, but I really don’t care.” Friends care about what’s important to their friends.

    Lara, you might want to spend some time thinking about how you can help ease your friend’s transition to the place she’s moved to (I agree that she might be having a harder transition than she’s letting on.)

  4. Finding a good friend is the tough part, you’ve got that accomplished! It’s nice to be in the best friend category, but if you’re not, enjoy and value your friendship for what it is. Think about if your friend hadn’t of moved, you wouldn’t have that friendship now. Try to focus on the positive.

  5. Laura says:

    I read this and was struck by the line “Not to be mean but I don’t care.” If you are a true friend, why would you say such a thing? Friends care about the little things.

    The phrase, in my opinion, paints Lara as having a narcissistic personality trait.

    Part of being a social being is to put up with others. And this doesn’t sound like a foible, it sounds more childish, like jealousy that this new best friend had a prior relationship.

    Also as part of maturity, you realize that people don’t have to revolve around your likes/dislikes. I know this from having two older siblings who insist on having their way and wonder why I don’t want to be around them. All relationships in life are give and take.

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