Hating school because I have no true friends
A shy high school student feels uncomfortable without any true friends.
QUESTION
Hi,
I haven’t ever written one if these before, here I go 🙂 I started high school about nine months ago, almost ending my first year in one month. The major problem is that I don’t have any true friends.
Every time I walk into school I feel ignored and almost feel like I’m rejected, even by my somewhat close friends. It’s so difficult for me to make friends, I’ve tried and it just doesn’t work.
I can’t start conversations and don’t know what to talk about so l just sit and listen if I am hanging out with people at lunch. I just feel like no one likes me. I feel like I may need another group of friends but I have no idea how to make new friends, and even if I try its too late in the semester. Everyone already has their own groups or cliques.
I’m hating high school right now and I just don’t know what to do. Please help.
Signed, Mark
ANSWER
Hi Mark,
I’m so sorry to hear you feel like you don’t have friends at school. I hear from a lot of teens who feel the same way you do. They usually assume all their peers feel confident and comfortable, and don’t realize that many others put on a brave face so their peers won’t know how insecure they are.
From your letter, it sounds like you already have friends and acquaintances. I’d focus first on these people. I bet if you put yourself out there more, you’ll have positive responses. Being assertive can be scary and a little risky. Rather than trying harder, try smartest.
Being shy makes starting conversations hard. If you live near a town with professional sports teams, that’s always a good segue into a fun discussion. Popular movies, TV shows and music are also good conversation starters. Playoffs and sports championships are good, too. Once you ask a few questions, you’ll feel more at ease conversing. If there’s a home game, ask your friends if they’re going and where you can meet up. Here are some other questions:
-Did you see the Dodgers game last night? What a catch by (Dodgers player).
-Where are you guys watching the Super Bowl? I’m still looking for a party.
-Are you going to the football game tonight? Can I meet up with you beforehand?
-What’s going on this weekend?
One on one, people love to talk about themselves. If you appear interested without being over-eager, your peers will enjoy talking to you. If you ask open ended questions, those that require more than a yes or no answer, you open the door to conversation. Here are some examples:
-What did you do last weekend?
-What did you think about that assembly this morning?
-How did you learn to skateboard like that?
-What’s being in the drama club like?
If you are really hating school so much because of your social life that it’s interfering with your learning and grades, it would be wise to speak in confidence to the guidance counselor at school or a teacher to trust. They might have some other ideas about how to help you over the hump this year or for the coming semester.
Hope this is helpful.
Signed, *Amy Feld
*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.
Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.
Category: Child and adolescent friendships, OTHER ADVICE
hi so i moved home and i started in this school in the middle of the year and everyone already formed groups of friends and nobody will speak to me i have tried 3 difrent groups of friends they all ditch me or leave me out or on my own and i miss my old friends from my old school they we so kind and caring not like these what should i do i feel like nobody likes me they hardly even speak to me
I had the most difficult time all the way thru high school. I was the school pick-on and my class had 535 kids. I’ve had the most dirty and deceiving tricks pulled on me that u could ever imagine. This attitude has followed me all my life. I am now in my 60s and am still being taken advantage of by anyone who gets close enough to learn my soft spots. Everyone is envious of my position of Independence as I live very well off the grid in Maine and are always throwing stumbling blocks in my way in order to cause me as much damage as possible. After living with this all my life I can usually see it coming and take evasive action. However it has made me bitter and constantly question what’s wrong with me.
Paul
[Last name deleted by moderator. To protect yourself against potential spammers, please do not use last names on this blog. Thanks!]
I too had the most difficult time all the way through school. I was the school picked on most of the time at least weekly. the things that happened to me are truly shocking, but it’s all factual, here goes: In infant and Junior school.
Personal difficulties; I struggled to catch, throw the ball, play the elastic jumping games and clapping games. I could not do handstands, cartwheels or dance. I struggled with my reading, writing, spelling.
The other pupils response: Name Calling Happened, I was regularly ignored in the “games” that my fellow pupils played in the play ground, pupils would not invite me to join in, I would be left on the side of the the playground, I was left out of the conversations on the bus to the swimming baths.
The things i found easier: I could do forward and backward rolls and headstands, I was good at talking. I did well at Girl’s brigade with badges, I learnt to do other things like first aid, make beds and flower arranging.
Teachers’ help at juniors school: I was routinely taken into the SEN room and given extra help with my reading and writing.
In Senior school. My personal difficulties : Since I struggled to catch and throw the ball, play tennis and rounders I was often picked last for the team/s. I still struggled with dance. My handwriting, reading and comprehension were poor.
. pupils response: I was still regularly ignored in the “games” that my fellow pupils played in the play ground. I was routinely picked last for the team games in PE. Sometimes the other pupils would hit me or slap me to wind me up. They still called me names. They also kicked me and took my small belongings (rulers etc). On a few occasions the other pupils tried to stop me from going to the toilet. Most of the time I was too afraid to use the toilet as that would be where the bullies hung out. On one occasion I remember going to the lavatory and while I was defecating the bullies looked over the side of the toilet to see what I was doing.
one day I was in a queue for the tuck shop and (boys) touched me on my pants in my vagina area. On several occasions the teachers said they could not read my handwriting, sometimes I would be called to the front of the class. When i got off the bus after school I was often spat at and I would hide under the bus shelter.
10 Also while I was at Senior school my PE teacher called me a “pain in the neck” because i would forget my towel or another personal object.
The things I found easier: I was quite good at badminton, I was good at running and came 1st in 200m. When i was 14, I came 10th in the cross country running which was actually cross pavement. When i was 15 I came 4th in the cross pavement running. I was good at talking and I still enjoyed Girl’s brigade.
Teachers’ help at senior school: I was routinely taken into the SEN room and given extra help with my reading and writing. I was not allowed to do French.
I promise this is a true, accurate and factual account of my special needs and the bullying I endured in my childhood and youth.
I just wanna say something to you like the others, you’re not alone. I faced the situation like this before and sometimes i feel it happen to me again. I read your state and i think you really similar to me. i was shy and didn’t have enough confident to do anything. i try to change myself a little bit but i think i’m still the same lol Anyway, you gonna find someone who get along with. I found them in my high school and they’re my best friend ever. So now please don’t hate your high school life. True friends in high school will be with you longer than any friend! dont lose hope!!! i wanna encourage you. good luck 🙂
You are not alone. I’ve been in your shoes, and have been through times where I didn’t have friends. You sound like a great guy. Try joining clubs or teams, maybe you’ll find people you have more in common with.
Just know one thing… You are not alone…. As you walk through the halls be aware that people that might be smiling on the outside may have some of those same feelings on the inside. None of us walk around with our “hearts on our sleeves.” Everybody has different anxieties and short comings. It would be nice if human beings were born with intuition into how everyone else was thinking so we might understand how we are in many ways the same.
I agree with the author of this site when she encourages people to find interests to participate in. Music was my outlet and circle of friends in High School. High School Band and Choral groups made me feel a part of. To be honest with you in spite of that, I never felt totally comfortable with who I was or perceived myself to be. I was filled with insecurities and false impressions of myself that have taken and are taking a long time to sort out.
Just know one thing…. “You Are Not Alone……”
Hello Mark,
I’m sorry to hear that. Maybe you can try to talk to someone about something or share some foods. Update at social media and uploading or sharing some photos about your actions. Let everyone know who you are. Watch the secret movie, there’s describe about how to make a relationships.