• Resolving Problems

Happy Endings: Do you have a friendship story to share?

Published: December 2, 2014 | Last Updated: December 10, 2014 By | 12 Replies Continue Reading
Happy Friendship Endings

Happy Friendship Endings

Readers and posters often come to The Friendship Blog because they are experiencing a difficult “pain point” In a relationship. Many times, they are seeking advice to resolve a festering friendship problem.

Some return months or years later to report on what transpired but most times we don’t hear about the endings, especially happy ones.

One reader recently wrote:

Irene,

I’ve been wondering if there are any reconciliation stories of friends who have broken up and been able to rebuild their relationships.

I think the Friendship Blog is a valuable resource for people hurting from a break up, and other friendship problems (something that still reeks of failure, so is seldom discussed).

But are there any happy endings. If so, where are those stories?

Signed, Jen

Jen’s letter made me wonder if there were more readers willing to share stories about their “happy endings.”


Have you had a friendship problem that you were able to resolve?

Did you learn something that might help others?

If so, please post a response to this thread below. 

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Category: RESOLVING PROBLEMS

Comments (12)

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  1. Valery says:

    Hi!
    At this very moment i am so upset! Because i have a bestfriend in high school… We have’nt seen each other since then for about 15 years. But in 2010 we saw each other again till our communication and friendship continues. Telling secrets, going out chatting all day long and we’re very happy when we’re toegther. Then one day i have a friend that i intoduced to her and (she is my brother’s girlfriend) for bussiness reason so meaning i am in the center of them. But in that bussiness they’re having sort of miss understanding they’ve both consulting me for that so im giving them advices for what is good to both of them but my bestfriends feels like im backstubbing her but that is the one thing I really can’t do for anyone else… Until one day my friend and my brother fought with each other they’re having so many issues that time until they broke up but she does’nt accepted it because she really loves my brother. Until one day i feels like that my bestfriend getting cold from me then she texted me saying that ” it hurts when someone betrayed you” i really dont have an idea that it was me is she talking for… Then it comes to my mind that my brother’s ex girlfriend betrayed me to my bestfriend and i thin she did that as the revenged for my brother… I missis my bestfriend so much because until now she’s very angry with me and i feels like she will also want to give a revenge on me because of all the lies that my brothe’s ex girlfriend’s told her… Now i really feels like im the most evil friend in the whole world… Could you please give some advice i cant sleep when somebody angry with me… Im always praying that one day she could forgive me… Last week i texted her apologizing. Asking for forgiveness even if i dont really know what really did wrong but she did’nt reply and i guess i does’nt want to talk to me anymore! I really need your advice guys please help me… I could’nt sleep thingking that i’ve hurt someone… ;( thank you in advance!

  2. Kirsty Marie says:

    Hi,
    I wonder if you can help me,i have this friend who i have been friends with for years. However we are currently not talking over something so silly.
    I went on holiday with my friend and two of her friends and when we got back i text her friend and she really didnt like it, i quite understand why this is??
    We now havent spoken since August last year and i am really upset we are not talking.
    To make things worse because im blocked over the phone my mum and aunt sent her an email which i know didnt help.
    I still sent a xmas gift and i still haven’t heard anything.
    What would you advise i do? I would like to makeup but im not sure how to go about makeing up? Please can you give me some advice what to do? Her mum died two years ago too and i have tried to be there for her.
    Maybe she may of thought i was to much i just dont understanfunderstand and i feel like im hanging hopefully you can give me some advice?
    Do u think our friendship is over?
    Do you think we can mend our friendship?
    Thank you for your time. X

    • Darlene says:

      Hi Kirsty Marie,

      I am sorry to hear about this, it feels bad to lose someone and not know why. I would try to figure out for sure when things changed. That would be the place where something happened that upset your friend. That doesn’t mean that your friend is being logical, but she did get upset about something.

      How about asking yourself if this has happened before with her, just withdrawing for no apparent reason? If so and this is a pattern with her and I would let her go, people who deal with conflict by shutting others out, aren’t very easy to deal with and it tends to damage a relationship over time.

      If this is the first time she has done this, I suggest you try to arrange a face to face meeting with her. Let her know that you are aware of the tension between you and that she means a lot to you and that you would like to clear this up. If you have done something to upset her, apologize and let her know you would like to move forward. You may need to apologize for the involvement of your family in this as well. Be sure to meet, this is too important to discuss over email, chat or text.

      It is always tough to deal with this, but it sounds like you don’t have anything to lose.

      • Kirsty Marie says:

        Thank you so much for your email. I would very much like to make up with my friend because we have been friends for years.
        We have fallen before in 2013 we went on holiday to ibiza and than when we came back my friend just cut me off until i got a drunken text on xmas eve in 2013 at 11pm asking me to come out so of course i did.
        We got on so well though out the year and than we go on holiday i text her friend when we came home and she got funny about it.
        Do u think this can be resolved? ?
        I dont want to lose a friend over something so silly?
        Do you think i could go to her house with a bottle of wine and say peace offering and i wont cross that line again?

      • Kirsty Marie says:

        Thank you so much for your email. I would very much like to make up with my friend because we have been friends for years.
        We have fallen before in 2013 we went on holiday to ibiza and than when we came back my friend just cut me off until i got a drunken text on xmas eve in 2013 at 11pm asking me to come out so of course i did.
        We got on so well though out the year and than we go on holiday i text her friend when we came home and she got funny about it.
        Do u think this can be resolved? ?
        I dont want to lose a friend over something so silly?
        Do you think i could go to her house with a bottle of wine and say peace offering and i wont cross that line again?
        Or should i just send a txt but not to needy coz i know she hates that.
        I just wish i could make it better however i know how stubborn she is Too.

        • Darlene says:

          I think it’s worth talking to her in person. Going to her house with some wine could be okay, but I’d set up a meeting with her first if you can.

          If there was something offensive in that text you sent to your mutual friend, you need to take responsibility for that. If not, then this is a very odd situation and I am not sure you need to apologize, but you do need to talk this out, either way.

          Good luck!

  3. Lily says:

    My very good friend of 25 years, is still around. I have moved very far away, but when I am in town we meet with our children, share the funniest stories we experienced growing up and have a good laugh. I missed seeing her last year during the holidays, but I can’t wait to get together with her again. When we do see each other we sit in silence for a while, and be accepting of it, or chat till no end. Two years ago, I remember meeting with her, her children, and my two children at an ice cream parlor. We ate and talked about diffrent things. Once we stood outside of the shop, we looked at each other and it was non stop hugging and crying with her. How much we really missed each other and that we would see each other again in a year to come. The days are approaching and I’m looking forward to seeing her soon.

  4. Amy F says:

    I’m not sure if this is the kind of happy ending story you’re looking for, because there was never an actual breakup, just a drifting apart. I had way too many problems at the time and without realizing, asked way too much from her emotionally. I didn’t know I was that needy or relying on her too much and she wasn’t able to communicate that to me. We drifted apart. The last time we saw her was when she got remarried and then she got busier, moved out of state and didn’t tell me. I was horribly hurt at the time, because I couldn’t see my role in that situation and I misread her cryptic clues. I never had bad feelings toward her and I don’t think she did me, we were just in very different places in our lives and had very different stressors.
    20 years later, Google helped me find her phone number. I could hear the genuine happiness in her voice over the phone. It was like no time had passed, but yet it had. We’ve talked, emailed and facebooked, but she lives 3000 miles away so nothing in person. Our relationship is very different, mostly because I’m different. She’s a few years older than me so I had always adopted my values and beliefs based on hers and wanting to be like her. Now I have the confidence to be my own person, march to my own drummer, and the attitude take me as I am, warts and all. She’s more like an acquaintance who I think of fondly, than a best friend. And that’s more than ok.
    I don’t know think I’ve had any official “breakups” and reconciliations, more growing apart except 2 stalkerish situations and one abusive bipolar explosions each that I saw coming and didn’t heed the warning signals to run in the opposite direction.

  5. Darlene says:

    Hi!
    I have a happy ending of sorts. I was having some strain in a relationship, caused by a friend who was a bit overbearing, especially in front of others. It was making me feel like I was being pushed to the side so that she could be the centre of attention.
    I was getting a bit withdrawn and quiet around her as a result and she asked me what was wrong. I took a good look at the situation and realized that she is, overall, a very good person and a friend I value very much. She just is very gregarious and tends to be a bit high school-ish in some group situations. Just her thing and only one real negative thing amongst mostly very good things.
    The way I resolved this was to recognize that my feelings were largely as a result of my own insecurities and I simply let it go. Joked with her about talking too much and moved on.
    It was a lesson that sometimes the problems aren’t all the other person, they can be our own buttons/insecurities. I learned to look at the whole person, as well as my self, to get an answer about the behaviour that was bothering me. It was a bit of an “aha” moment for me.
    Darlene

    • Irene says:

      Thanks for sharing, Darlene! Great story~

    • Amy F says:

      I love this story. When I was less secure I blamed other people for conflicts, and that always left me feeling like I was a chronic victim. Insecurity causes defensiveness and personalizing things that have nothing to do with me. Once I learn to examine my part in the negativity relationship navigation got so much easier.

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