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Guest Post: Seven Ways to Annoy Your Introvert Friends

Published: July 14, 2010 | Last Updated: December 19, 2022 By | 4 Replies Continue Reading

By Sophia Dembling

Sure, introverts look mild-mannered, but don’t be fooled. We can be as surly as the next guy-at least in our heads. We don’t often say these things out loud because we don’t feel like getting into it, but certain assumptions made about introverts really get on our nerves-and sometimes we get this kind of flak even from friends.

So if your introverted friend’s face seems to suddenly freeze into a mask of benign tolerance, you might have hit a nerve.

With input from readers of the Introvert’s Corner on PsychologyToday.com, I put together a list of some things that make us silently seethe.

Don’t assume we’re stuck up and arrogant.

Just because we’re not dancing our way into rooms and chattering to all within earshot, it doesn’t necessarily follow that we stand in silent judgment of all around us. We’re simply enjoying an experience our way. Quietly.

And we’re not antisocial either.

We don’t hate people. We like people, especially people we like. Just not a lot of them all at once. That doesn’t make us potential serial killers.

Don’t tell us to smile.

“People tend to assume that if you’re not grinning like an idiot all the time you’re unhappy,” wrote one reader. “As an introvert I don’t always wear my emotions on my sleeve-or on my face.”

We do so know how to have fun.

But it so happens that what you’re doing doesn’t look like fun to us. See us sitting in an armchair reading? Hiking a quiet mountain trail? Drinking morning coffee in an empty house? That is top-of-the-line fun to us.

Oh, and sometimes we have lot of fun watching you all have fun. Really. Go, dance, have a good time. We’ll serve punch. We might even smile.

Don’t try to drag us on the dance floor

Especially when you’re dealing with adults, you can assume that we already know what we do and don’t enjoy. If we say no (and this applies beyond the dance floor) grabbing our arms and whining, “Oh, come on,” or “It will be fun,” (see above) does not endear you to us.

We’re quiet, not dead.

Here’s a bone-chilling introvert tale: “I was with a boyfriend at a party once and he and his boss were discussing personality types at the office…Type A, Type B…,” wrote a reader. “And then he turned to me and said ‘So you are, what, a type D?’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well…you are practically comatose here.'”Yes, we have both personality and passion.

We just don’t have the need or desire to throw it all out there. If you want to know us, quiet down and see what happens.

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Comments (4)

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Very helpful guidelines. Being an introvert myself, I could really relate to your article. Naturally, I would prefer to go to the dentist rather than have to interact in a room full of strange people. It’s not that I’m afraid, I just have my mind made up to be uncomfortable. It’s all about mindset. I believe this type of hang-up requires a lot of practice in creating positive networking experiences. Some understanding from the extroverts would really be great. Social media could be a good outlet and confidence builder also. I did find some other free informational tools that could be of help at: http://relationshipcapital.co/op/?utm_src=bl

  2. Koime says:

    One of my classmate once said,”don’t be so quiet, you’ll get in trouble someday…” I’m so annoyed but just let out a smile and said, “I won’t”.

    Being silent is a good thing.
    1. I think first before talking so I don’t hurt or annoyed others.
    2. I don’t get enemies and don’t get involved with girl’s fight.
    3. When I talk, people pay attention to what I had to say.
    4. And teachers don’t labeled you as people who don’t want to study.

  3. Irene says:

    It’s great that you know her personality—and respect it!



  4. Gert says:

    My 4 year old grand-daughter is an introvert like me. She’ll walk into a room or onto the playground and stop, just look at the kids. My daughter will urge her to jump on in, her 2 year old brother wades on in to play, but she watches. Too much chaos for her. Can’t push, she’s just not up to it.

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