Good enough friends: Dealing with the hurt of being left out of the party
A teenager feels left out when his friend doesn’t invite him to a party after the school dance.
QUESTION
Hi,
My school dance is coming up and my friend is having a get-together after and he didn’t invite me or my other good friend.
I’m not best friends with the guy who is throwing the party but I thought we were good enough friends for him to invite me, I’m wondering what I should do. Thanks.
Signed, Rick
ANSWER
Hi Rick,
Sorry to hear you weren’t invited to the party; I’m sure that hurts. You and your other friend may have been overlooked by the guy giving the party or he may have had a limit on the number of people he could ask for any number of reasons.
You have some choices. You can:
- Make alternate plans with your other friend(s).
- Ask him if you can come to the party.
- Have a mutual friend who’s going to the party ask if you can come.
- Hint that you’d like to come without directly asking.
- Do nothing.
I recommend either #1 or #2, because they are the most direct. With #1, you and your friend take control of your lives and enjoyment of the night. #2 requires some risk. You’ll have to prepare yourself for a negative response.
With #3 and #4, you give others the responsibility for the outcome.
Of course, you have to do what feels most comfortable for you. I hope you have a wonderful time at the dance and good luck with your decision.
Signed, *Amy Feld
*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.
Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.
- Read other posts on The Friendship Blog about feeling left out and excluded.
Category: RESOLVING PROBLEMS
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Sites That Link to this Post
- Female friendships | Chicago Mama | October 31, 2015
Hi there,
One of my close friends had a sleep over party. She invited her three best friends and another girl. That other girl doesn’t hang out with her and she told me that she hated that girl but she invited her to the party. I found this out when I looked at snapchat and I was a bit upset about it. If I confront her I don’t want it to sound like i am having a tantrum and I don’t want our friendship to be fractured because of this one party. Please help me.
Hi my 11 year old daughter has a hard time with friends, she often choses friends that are very manipulative, one minute they like you the next minute they don’t. But today she was playing hide and seek with a girls club that she is in. They all forgot her and left her to hide. They asked each other if everyone was found and they as a group said “yes”. Then she came out of hiding quiet a few minutes later while everyone else had now started a new activity and no one noticed her coming out of hiding or that she hadn’t been found. she said in fact no one even acknowledged her returning to the group. She is so upset, devastated that no one cared or noticed that she wasn’t even in the group. How do I help her? Do I say something to the adult leader of the club. I would appreciate any advise.
I’d find my own thing to do with the other friend after the dance or just go home after the dance. You weren’t invited and I don’t think there’s any polite way to invite yourself. You may want to downgrade the party-giver to an acquaintance, depending on how many other people he did invite. Hope you have a good time anyway.