A “good enough” friend

Published: February 6, 2009 | Last Updated: February 6, 2009 By | 3 Replies Continue Reading


Dear Dr. Levine,

I recently got into a fight with a girl named Linda, whom I considered my best friend. She said I was never a "good enough" friend for her, and I told her that I thought I couldn’t be her friend because she was spreading gossip about me.

We both agreed that it would be better if we just tried not being friends for a while, but now I’m sad because I don’t have my best friend to talk to. Is there a way I could still patch up our friendship?



Dear Ariel,

All friendships have their peaks and valleys and when times are rough, even the best of friends may say things that are mean, even if they don’t mean them. However, before you decide to patch up your friendship, you need to think about whether you miss your best friend Linda or you miss having a best friend.

If you decide that you really miss Linda, you need to open a dialogue with her about what happened and how it can be resolved. Depending on what feels most comfortable, you can call, email, or text her and tell her how you are feeling (I prefer email because you are less likely to catch the other person off-guard). If she is open to you, this may not only be an opportunity to patch up but to strengthen your friendship.

If she doesn’t respond or, after you make this overture, she still maintains that you aren’t a “good enough” friend for her, you have to accept her decision and find another best friend who appreciates you as much as you appreciate her. Good friends need to value one another.

Let us know what happens!

My best,

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Comments (3)

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  1. Hemans says:

    Hi Ariel,

    I can understand what you are feeling now. I feel that the best way to solve the problem is to talk to your ‘Best Friend’ face to face. Feelings can be hidden when you e mail or ring her. I just do not want any sort of egoism to overcome your friend and cause something unexpected in your Friendship. Our eyes will always be truthful. But if it is not successful, then just remember that there are thousands of friends out there for you. Be patient. Friendship is a great feelings which could not be obtained through force. Wish you the best…

    One Of Your Best Friend,

  2. Irene says:

    Thanks for adding that note….gossip isn’t becoming of a friendship, I agree.


  3. Melissa says:

    Hey Ariel,

    I understand how you feel because I am going through something kind of similar. I think you are better off without your former friend. If she was spreading gossip about you, how could you trust her again? I know girls gossip and it’s usually harmless most of the time, but if she was saying stuff to make you look bad, you don’t need that kind of stress in your life.

    Good luck,

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