From the Friendship Forums: Ten Signs of a Lazy Friend
The biggest downside
of being a lazy friend is what you lose out on—rather than the other person
This week, there was a provocative thread on The Friendship
Forums entitled, Friendships
Getting Lazier in General? The poster LoveToTravel2011
expressed her frustration that some friends are lazy in not responding to
mails, calls, or invitations in a timely way. Even more more insulting and
inconsiderate are the friends who don’t respond at all.
Ironically, there were never as many convenient and inexpensive ways to communicate
with other people—across the miles and across different time zones—as there are
today, but lapses like those mentioned seem to be more common.
Perhaps, it’s easy to ignore a call that goes into voicemail
or allow an email to remain buried in your in-box. It may be easier to tell a
friend “you’ll see if you can do something” rather than say “no.” Maybe people
are more likely to be multi-tasking that ever before. But as LoveToTravel2011 points out, sometimes
we are simply lazy and forget how little additional time it takes “to be nice”
and to be more responsive to people we consider friends.
So here is a little list of 10 reminders to make sure you
aren’t the one characterized as “A Lazy Friend.”
- Do you generally return calls and emails in a timely way?
- Even if you’re rushed, do you at least respond briefly and let
the person know when you’ll get back to them? - Do you initiate contact with friends and extend invitations rather
than always wait for them to ask you? - Do you have a pattern of cancelling appointments at the last
minute or forgetting them? - Do you often arrive considerably later than the person you are
meeting? - Do you spend as much time listening as you do speaking?
- Do you try to connect with your friends in the ways, and at the
times, they want to connect with you? For example, do you instant-message your
friend on Facebook when you know she prefers talking by phone? Or do you tend
to call your friend at work when you know she prefers to speak evenings or
weekends? - If you and your friend have different preferred modes of
communication, have you spoken about the differences in style and figured out
ways to accommodate each other? - Rather than disappoint someone, do you tend to say “I’ll see” or
put them off in some indirect way and then wind up disappointing them anyway? - Do you typically send emails or texts to avoid phone calls?
What other ways of behaving are indicative of someone being a lazy
friend?
Category: KEEPING FRIENDS
As an introvert, I disagree that not responding to a call is lazy. It’s ok for someone to need some space and not take a call when they need some alone time. You cannot live life through the expectations of others, and if you do not take care of yourself it’s even harder to take care of friends. The nature of the call says it all, if a friend is in need I will be there to answer.
Ps. Over half the population is introverted!
As an introvert myself, I must say that this is not an issue of introversion vs extroversion. Nor is this an issue of living through others’ expectations. This is an issue of laziness, and a measure of what kind of friend you are. One can still have “some space and not take a call when they need some alone time”, certainly. But, it is a sign of a good, decent, kind, thoughtful, caring, and proactive friend to let those who you consider to be your friends know exactly that. How much effort does it take to tell your “friend”, “I’m sorry, but now is not a good time for me to talk. I appreciate you thinking of me, but I need some time to myself. Is it alright if I call you back, later?” That, in itself, shows how much you respect and value your time AS MUCH AS THEIRS. Remember, they are taking the time to contact you…showing how much they value you. That’s why it’s called a friendship, which like all other forms of relationships, requires time and effort. Laziness (the real issue) will kill your friendships…bar none.
This is a good list, and a good reality check for those of us who sometimes shrink from initiating or responding.
Linking these behaviours to being a good friend, rather than just to communication as such, is a reminder that letting people know they matter in ways that touch them often requires doing more than just what comes easily.
Thank you.
I’m the lazy friend. I don’t know how to cure it though. When we are out I’m the best person to be around. But that wears me out and when I get home all effort leaves. This is harder for friends I don’t see, because then I just lose all communication. I don’t want to but it too much work to call and crap. It’s just too much work and it’s boring. Feels like I’m doing a social experiment every time I leave the house.