• Keeping Friends

The Friendship Blog: Not for women only

Published: January 11, 2014 | By | 5 Replies Continue Reading
A man writes and gets the impression this blog is for women only.


Hi Irene,

Your blog is a real resource. However, I looked over your wonderful site, and saw that it was for women only.

With all due respect, you need to know that men also suffer from loneliness, lack of economic empowerment, and various kinds of abuse from persons of the opposite gender. Whether in one or each of the categories of abuse, males might suffer less than females makes no difference–at least not to the male victims. At any rate, I do wish you continued success with your blog.

I just ask that you consider that efforts such as yours are even more efficacious when they include people of both genders, all races, all sexual orientations, and of all ages.

Signed, A Guy



Thanks so much for asking!

This blog isn’t limited to women but I see how you could get that idea. It is true that far more women visit and post than do men. But if you read the questions and replies, you’ll find that many are from men.

Although I have no way to track demographics on the site, it’s obvious from the content of posts that they come from people of different ages, races and sexual orientations post as well.

The truth is that many, if not most, friendship problems are universal, regardless of age, gender or nation of origin. Moreover, I’ve noticed that women always love to hear a male perspective. So I would encourage you to stick around, give it a chance, post a comment or two and let me know what you think of the experience.

Best, Irene


Comments (5)

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  1. Bronwyn says:

    I think the simple fact is women are more accustomed to talking about friendships than men are, so you will see them more represented.

    I think it would be great to hear men discuss some of their struggles. I’m not saying those struggles are necessarily different, but how are we to know if men won’t share their feelings?

  2. Amy says:

    While I disagree with the accusatory tone of your letter, you have some valid points.
    Pain, abuse, violence, unfairness comes I. All shapes, sizes, races, ethnicities, genders, sexual orientations etc. Both men and women can be victims or perpetrators.
    From a sociological perspective, perhaps exploring the different ways men and women generally seek support is an answer to the demographics of the blog.
    Generally, are women more likely to ask for advice on relationship issues?
    When we examine young children on playgrounds and in classrooms, it’s documented that young girls use more verbal communication to problem solve where boys use more physical activity and play out their conflicts. This isn’t a stereotype, but well documented through research in child development literature.
    Even as girls and boys age, when examining the way teens and adults socialize, resolve conflict, there are gender differences looking at higher percentages, not absolutes like “all women do x” or “all men do y”.
    I don’t think because more women post on the blog that it means the blog is geared toward women, but that more women seek the blog to discuss friendship.
    I think both men and women like to hear different perspectives.

  3. Carol says:

    I am pleased that you join all of us with your views; it’s good to know how you feel and learn more of your journey in life. I hope you will begin to feel a part of the stories here.

    In my life time of hanging out with boys and men, there was also great pain and betrayal. I guess male or female, all of us are simply attempting to find the self we were meant to be. It’s seems likely that many boys and me might be on a different kind of blog that more fits their interests in life. I believe boys and men fear being perceived as gay if they want to pursue a friendship with another boy or man. However, I think many girls and woman may have such fears as well. We live in a different society today wherein many people are challenging their fears and find out they can handle any kind of backlash against simply wanting to be friends. So much is changing today and men are becoming more in touch with their need for kind and sensitive people in their lives. It takes a lot of courage to find who you are, male or female, and then find those who will encourage you to simply be.

    The true mystery in my life is discovered in when I think I have found my own capacity to convince myself that I know what is going on in the mind of another. I don’t know another until I make an effort to reach out to them, maybe trembling in fear, but knowing I am worth meeting and getting to know. I do think that men can be homophobic with each other, which to me means “fear of differences.” When we are young, we are so insecure that we need others to confirm our shaky hold on reality. The insecure appear to band together to reinforce each other. Maturity on the other hand represents that we accept how large our journey is and is a path that we own. No matter what challenge we are pursuing, alone we make the choice to engage or not. Human beings, as we are learning today are not who they appear to be, but who we get to know and accept…or not. For as an adult woman, I have felt the tears of many men on my cheek. I felt honored to be trusted with those tears.

    I welcome you, Carol

  4. Jarod says:

    I felt this way the first time I saw the blog too. In fact, whenever I have researched problems making friends, the majority of content seems to be addressed toward women.

    I don’t think this blog is exclusively for women, but the men feel like the minority.

    Speaking as an American male, it feels like it’s ok for women to openly long for friendship and try to make friends. Men who want male friends are often marginalized in these types of discussions.

    I feel like a near-opposite to Carol. Growing up, I spent most of my time with women and girls. My family was all women and it was hard to understand that other boys were different (more like me). Now as an adult male, I often wish I had the tools to make friends with other men more easily.

  5. Carol says:

    As a woman who was raised with 6 brothers, 5 nephews, my experiences of life were filled with the many influences of male energy and friendships. Many of my strongest friendships have been with men and boys. Sadly, as a counselor in the HIV/AIDS epidemic, many of those strong friendships are gone. All of my brothers have died as well. However, I still retain many male connections from my career in education and counseling related to hospice work and cherish them in my life. Male, female, gay, straight, our religious beliefs or what race we are, we all can struggle with issues of connecting in our lives. I think it becomes more obvious in today’s world, young people are daring to be who they want to be no matter the price they have to pay. It takes courage to become who you were meant to be. All of us can use a little help from our friends.

    As a member of this blog I feel it is open to all human beings who feel a need to connect to others on the planet. I for one, welcome you and hope you find safety and friendship as I have.


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