• Keeping Friends

Friendship and Money: She’s fired, you’re not

Published: February 25, 2009 | Last Updated: April 2, 2016 By | 4 Replies Continue Reading

Any major life change–including an unexpected job loss or other threat to economic security–can increase the risk of a once-close friendship falling apart. As such, the global recession is challenging untold numbers of female friendships. In the first of a two-part series, I interviewed journalist Emma Johnson, who covers money and finance topics for MSN.com and other national publications, to find out her thoughts on this topic:

In the current economic climate, where job loss is rife, how can getting a pink slip or being furloughed challenge friendships?

Women can be very competitive with each other. Traditionally women have competed for male attention and loyalty. The species depended upon it. The more women’s sexual partners were loyal to them, the better off the women and their children would be since men were the breadwinners and women had few economic opportunities.

But the game is different today. We compete in other areas of our lives, including professionally. Even if we aren’t in direct professional competition with our girlfriends, that rivalry can still be there. Of course it isn’t always the case, but it often is, and worst of all, most of the time we don’t realize it.

So if two friends are engaged in even a friendly contest about who’s ahead in her career, a layoff can give the other woman the edge in this unspoken game. That can create resentment from the unemployed party–who is already distraught about her new economic situation.

How can women minimize the risk of losing their friendships if one friend is spiraling downward economically?

I’m a big fan of talking it out, though all the psychology experts don’t agree with that. If the employed friend can say, “I’m so sorry you are going through this. What can I do to be supportive?” Then, give her friend some time to think about what she needs; that can go a long way. Likewise, the unemployed friend might need to talk to her friend and say, “I’m really worried about money right now. Would you mind if we find some less expensive ways to spend time together until I get back on my feet?”

There are other things to think about. Unemployment and financial worries are top factors in stress, sleep loss and depression, which can take a big toll on one’s overall well-being, including their relationships. If everyone is aware of the realities of the situation, tough times can strengthen friendships. But the working friend needs to be willing to be supportive, and sometimes the friend in the tough situation needs to allow themselves to be vulnerable and cared for.

To be continued…

Emma Johnson is a New York journalist who writes about business, finance and money topics for publications including the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Entrepreneur and Psychology Today. Her series on MSN  Money, “Jump Start Your Life,” explores money topics for people in their 20s and 30s. 

*A version of this post appears on The Huffington Post

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Comments (4)

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  1. Anonymous says:

    This post is from 2009, but I think it is timeless. Also, you could rewrite the headline to “She’s Down, You’re Not” since disparities in friends’ individual lives can create problems. I and others I know have gone through downsizing, layoffs, and having to put up with bad job sitautions because there were no other options. This has meant a lot of anxiety, sleeplessness, stress, fear, and preoccupation with making ends meet and trying to find something better. And these things do not make a friend “fun” to be around. To women who have the good fortune of being in a better place in terms of their jobs and finances, you can be a huge support to your friends who are “down and out” by not being judgmental and critical of your friends who are not little Susy Sunshine. As for competition among women, I would say that in these times (which for many people are as bad as they were in 2009), competition for jobs isn’t just for self-glorification. It’s survival, to feed your family, keep the wolves at bay.

  2. Irene says:

    Your URL doesn’t seem to work; it is correct?

  3. Anonymous says:

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