My friend crush
Advice for a 13-year old who has a friend crush…
QUESTION
Hi,
I’m a 13-year-old girl currently in seventh grade. The school year is almost over and I’ve been really missing my friend from last year ever since the beginning of the year. We don’t have many classes together this year and that makes it worse.
We rarely talk anymore, but we do talk or when I see her in the hall I get butterflies in my stomach?? I’m sure I don’t have romantic feelings towards her but the butterflies just confuse me… I’ve never been like this with a friend and I do like guys.
It’s really weird I know. Sometimes I feel jealous of her too. She’s drop-dead gorgeous. Almost all they guys like her and she’s had a boyfriend. She’s way smarter than me and has a great attitude, and is more outgoing then me. Obviously she has more friends, is more popular, and have I mentioned how pretty she is?? She looks like a model! Way better than me, honestly.
She can get on my nerves, too. It’s just whenever I like something, for example, a book and I bring it to school and say I really like it; she’ll have it the next day. But I still feel extremely happy when we talk. Over the summer, we developed a closer bond. I would tell her stuff I wouldn’t dare tell anyone else. We made so much promises that are now broken. But we just stopped talking all of a sudden.
She’s made new friends and has probably moved on but I can’t help being stuck in the past. I just need advice on how to cope with this feeling of missing her, the jealous feelings, how annoying she can be but I still want to be her friend–Who wouldn’t?
Best, Rose
ANSWER
Hi Rose,
I’m sorry that you don’t your friend as much as you used to. Getting together is hard if you don’t share classes or lunchtimes but making new friends is healthy for both of you. I like to think that new friends don’t “replace” old ones but they enhance our lives and grow our hearts. I hope your friendship can pick up again when summer comes and you both have more time.
You say your friend is prettier and more popular than you, I also think she admires you. For example, by her choosing to read the same books, you have had an impact on her as well. Have you ever heard the term, “Imitation is the highest form of flattery?” That means if someone copies what you do, take it as a compliment than they admire you.
Have you heard the term “friend crush?” It’s when you have strong feelings of attraction for a friend or a potential friend—a bit like you would feel about a person for whom you have romantic interests—but without the romance part. You might even get butterflies the way you would with a romantic crush. Friend crushes aren’t unique to girls, they can also happen with boys and adults.
You don’t have to worry about exactly what you are feeling right now or put a label on things. Most everyone I know has had a “friend crush.” If you want to spend more time with your friend, invite her to do something with you or try to get to know her other friends better, too.
I hope this helps you and that things work out with your friend. She sounds like a great girl, and so do you.
Signed,
*Amy Feld
*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.
Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.
Category: Child and adolescent friendships
