• Keeping Friends

My friend came into money

Published: January 13, 2014 | Last Updated: January 13, 2014 By | 8 Replies Continue Reading
When a woman’s friend comes into money, it threatens their relationship



I have this old friend. We have been friends since 1987. She was a single parent like me and we got along all the years up until her father passed away and left her and her sister with lots money of which they never had in their lives.

Well I am now not rich by any means. I feel that because she has all the money now I don’t want to be friends with her. You may say that I am jealous. How childish is this?

Anyway, I have been avoiding her until she sent me an email asking why I have been ignoring her and she thinks she must have done something wrong. Now I am trying to get out of this email by being polite and letting her know that it is not her fault. Help! How do I let her down easily?

Signed, Lynn


Hi Lynn,

It’s hard to imagine that you would want to abandon a long-time friendship for this one reason alone. Were there problems with your friendship before her father passed away and she inherited lots of money? Since she has inherited the money, has she done anything to make you feel upset?

Friendships aren’t always between people who are alike in every way. You may have friendships with people who are older, younger, richer or poorer—but you usually connect over the things you share in common rather than the differences.

There will always be people more and less fortunate than you. For this reason, I think you owe it to yourself to further examine your feelings, for the sake of this and also future friendships.

  • If another of your friends comes into money, will you also cut yourself off from her? Why or why not?
  • What if a friend gets a great new job or a big raise or marries into money?
  • If you came into money, what would your reaction be if your friends decided they no longer wanted to be your friend? 

Thinking these issues through may represent an opportunity for growth and help shape your future relationships. Since your friend lost her dad, she might very well not see this in as positive a light as you do. If you can’t understand why you feel this way, you might consider professional counseling to help you feel less jealous, so that you can be happy for the good things that happen to others.

Signed, *Amy Feld

*Amy Feld, PhD, MSW has trained and worked as a child psychologist.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another.

Some prior posts on money and friendship on The Friendship Blog:


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Category: Friends and Money

Comments (8)

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  1. Sheryl says:

    Unless Lynn’s friend has done something – or had done something – to threaten, hurt or interfere with the friendship – I’d hate to see such a long-term friendship hurt by this. Jealousy is a tough emotion, but good friendships are so precious. It would be a shame to let the first get in the way of the second.

  2. Carol says:

    Loving, rather romantic love or the love of a friend is a authentic psychological task, the most demanding there is, just because it activates in us new ways of knowing ourselves. My words but credit goes to Aldo Carotenuto (his books have changed my life). I have and continue to learn that it is only in these difficult situations in my life that I learn not only who I am, but who I want to become. When we love a friend, there is always the chance of suffering. None of us know this long time friendship you have had with the person you speak of. I am sure it is very frightening to think that the friendship will change or maybe even be gone from you life. A chance we all take when we meet someone who treats us with respect and kindness; it’s very inviting to want that continued treatment always. However, as grown men and women we come to understand…there is always more to our story.

    Thinking of you and your challenges, wish you the best.


  3. monika says:

    I must admire you for your sheer honesty about how you feel towards your friend,and you know within your heart that your behaviour is not good, but let me highlight you on some of your problems and don’t take it the wrong way. You are having some form of insecurities and jealousy also plays a role in your friendship.Lets not forget that emotion is perhaps one of the most pervasive and powerful of all, it’s disruptive and it affects our corporate environments and damage our friendships.

    Not having something we so desire does diminishes us in one way or the other. Don’t abandon your friend because of money, if she chooses to abandon you then it’s a different thing but she still sees you as her friend and it’s something that you should value and cherish. Just take some time out and look back to when you two first met and the ups and downs you have, but yet you still pull it together, so don’t allow emotions to rob you of a friend that money cannot buy once it’s genuine.

    I know how your friend is feeling because it’s an old familiar route Iv’e trod several times. Most of my old friends have turn their backs on me, they never return my call, texts or emails and it was all down to the fact that I bought a house and buy myself a second-hand car. They were always in far better position than I am but yet I never turn my back on them, but the moment I acquired something tangible there my lonely world began. It’s a very painful situation to feel forsaken and abandon for reasons beyond ones control.

    If you are a genuine, then you would never ever treats your friend with great contempt , just say a pray and ask God to remove jealousy and resentment from your heart and be warm to your friend, we are only human, I don’t think you are a bad person but it is emotions that is taking control of your life and it need to be stop sooner than later.

  4. Carol says:

    I have a best friend and in so many ways we are different. She is usually not so revealing to others about how she feels, her preferences, etc. I am a open person and if others choose to know me, can reveal most things about myself. I find what it takes for us to be friends, is that we have taken our time in getting to know each other over the years. She and her husband have helped me out with a place to live when I needed help. We seem to always find a way to be careful and not take advantage of each other. I think this is because we are both independent and try to make good choices for ourselves in our individual lives. I have told her that if I win the lottery (which I don’t even play), I would share a big chuck with her. She says, “Hey, you know I would do the same for you.” Now, who really knows what we would do if all of a sudden either of us got 6 million bucks to deposit in our bank account. None of us know from moment to moment how that would change us. Maybe just giving this situation time and continue communicating with each other will bring some healing to the shock of a sudden change in your relationship. I hope so, but life is not very predictable…only in our hopes of living one more day. As human beings we really can’t control everything. I am a cancer survivor and believe me I was the last person on the planet I thought would get cancer. But I did, took it on and here I am still a human being….just a little more aware of how little control I have over the outcome of my life. A really reliable friend is a wonderful journey mate though. Right now I am so grateful for her in my life.


  5. Tania says:


    I know what jealousy feels like. However, I found what helped was when I pushed through those feelings, managed a smile and said I am happy for you and then confessed a bit jealous, but that’s okay. By letting my friend know my feelings, she could tone down her tune, or she would say something comforting or invite me out for coffee.

    It depends if you have had problems with her before and with certain things that may have bothered you. For example, I have found that my friends with the most money have always been the cheapest ones when it comes to going out and paying. But, I just limit my time with them. I have a friend whose father also passed away and he got a lot of money. Well, he travels all over the world. But, when he comes my way and we go out to dinner, I found when the bill came, he would get awkward and we once ended up paying for him and his new girlfriend we just met because he I felt weird saying you still owe us more on the bill. So, after that, the next time we went out, right away before the bill, my husband said “separate bills please”. So, now, we plan what we will do before we see them so that we somehow do not get stuck paying for him and who ever his girlfriend happens to be at the time.

    But, she could be the friend that you could benefit from as well, like take you out once in a while. You never know what she feels. I don’t know if I would cut her loose, except if there are other personality things that bugged you already before.

  6. Carol says:


    There have been wise human being around for centuries. I found this quote I wanted to share with you as you are challenged in your friendship. It is: “You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop by surviving different times and challenging adversity.” Epicurus

  7. Carol says:

    It’s a very long friendship to have with someone. So many years of knowing each other; not an easy thing to work through. Maybe you and your friend could both go see a counselor to help you dig out the issues that this change to your lives. I can remember when I really had to look at the class I was raised in. It was an important discovery for me at the time. Later in life, with this new found awareness, I made a friend who was wealthy and always had been. I did not know this when we met. Slowly, our values and differences were revealed. The friendship did not really get off the ground. However, in your case, the entry of money as an issue between you has not been there for all these years. Maybe with help from a counselor you both can find a path to retaining such a long time and most likely valued friendship. Again, I believe the issue of “shame” in all of our lives finds its way to the surface of how we feel about ourselves. Certainly, as a working class person, my values were originally cemented in me as a part of my family structure. Those values are part of who I am as a person. I guess depending on each of your backgrounds, you too would be influenced by those values. And at the same time for all these years you have obviously grown to know each other well. I hope you are able to get help to work out new issues and that you can share with all of us how you were able to work through this challenge.

    I am simply offering my hope that you both find a way to remain friends, even as this difference between the two of you has entered your lives. It would certainly be very sad to allow money to end such a long and I assume comforting relationship for you both. However, it (money) is a powerful influence in the lives of human beings on our planet. As well, is love and friendship a very powerful healer in our lives.

    Best wishes as you search for a answer.


    • Karen says:


      I think it takes a big person to write this inquiry. Your post indicates some acknowledgement that this is your issue (unless
      there were other issues that were slow simmering under the surface). I think you have it in you to sit down and talk to her about it. If not this, then a letter explaining where you are. Your insecurities about her money and what that means to your relationship are not her fault. Believe it or not it may be a difficult time for her too. It is a big change. Stress usually accompanies big change.

      If you have outgrown the friendship and it is no longer meeting your needs…. be honest. This will not be an easy thing to do but if you care for her as a person I think you owe it to the both of you to try…

      Best outcome…


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