• Keeping Friends

Flirting: My friends flirt too much

Published: March 8, 2014 | By | 3 Replies Continue Reading
Two flirty friends make a third friend feel like an uncomfortable third wheel.


Hello Dr. Irene,

I did a quick search on this topic and was surprised to find only four relevant posts. So I thought I would pose the scenario.

The topic is flirting. I have not one but two friends who flirt like mad. This really is most noticeable when we are at a restaurant with waiters. Don’t ask me why. But these two friends monopolize the interaction. They just need, need, need to be THE ONE the waiter pays attention too. Whatever… Except it borderlines on annoying because when I need to ask for something, I can’t get a word in edgewise. It is even more than annoying; it’s rude.

What the heck is going on with these two? What is their major problem!!!

Signed, Lisa


Hi Lisa,

Anthropologists would say that flirting (to attract the attention of the other sex) is natural, almost instinctive. Like preening, it’s another way to assure the survival of the species. But there is a time and place for everything.

Of course, some people are naturally more open and friendly than others (to wait staff and everyone else with whom they interact.) However, it sounds like you are annoyed because your friends are being overly friendly, perhaps, bordering on sexually provocative when you’re just trying to enjoy a meal.

If both friends are flirting with the same guy, they are probably insecure and may be sparring to prove which one of them is more attractive or appealing.

Perhaps, they are so self-involved that they are unaware it’s making you feel uncomfortable. You need to let them know you are embarrassed and annoyed. You may want to speak to each of them individually about it so they don’t gang up on you, or if it really annoys you, you may not want to place yourself in this threesome situation.

Hope this helps.

My best, Irene

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Category: Dealing with difficult friends

Comments (3)

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  1. emily says:

    I agree.
    Ignore them Lisa.
    Or u could startdoing it and see how they like it.

  2. Amy F says:

    I wonder if you’re criticizing your friends’ behaviors, or criticizing their personalities. There’s a difference. I have a friend who has so much personality, she meets people everywhere she goes. She’s generally interested in others and super friendly. I’m more reserved, but not shy. We’re just different and I wouldn’t dream of telling her to change (even when I don’t give a crap where the waiter works out).
    You can talk to your friends, but don’t expect them to change their personalities to make you feel more comfortable. Your friends are responsible for their behavior, you’re responsible for yours. That’s appropriate boundaries. You might want to look at why this bothers you so much.
    It sounds like you need to be more assertive when you want the waiter’s attention, too. You can’t change others, but you can change your reaction to them.

  3. Denise says:

    This would definitely annoy me also and if it happened more often than not, I’d probably not go out with them unless there were others in the group. That way, at least you could talk to others.

    The next time you’re at lunch and they’re monopolizing the interaction, just sit quietly, occasionally looking at the waiter. After making eye contact a few times, I bet the waiter will address you and include you in the conversation or ask you for your order. If your “friends” interrupt (probably will) say:

    “Excuse me, I’m speaking.” or
    “Excuse me, please don’t interrupt.” or
    “Do you mind if I say something?”

    If they get mad or defensive, tough. You’re at the table, too. You’re there to eat, too. I don’t think I’d enjoy my meal with this behavior.

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